Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

Fredula

Don't you just hate it when you go out for a meal, and you choose your food to what you can afford, what you've budgeted for, you maybe don't have a desert, or perhaps have a small desert, and you only order one or two soft drinks because they're cheaper than the alcohol...and then the bill comes at the end, and some wise !!!! says, "Shall we just split it?"....

Before Christmas, I went out for the MIL's birthday to an all you can eat chinese which costs £16 per person. FIL bought my first drink (coke), and I ordered a second, which was only a half. So, me being me, not liking handbags, etc and not liking my pockets weighed down, only took a £20 note. Perfect, or so I thought. That's the price of the meal, one drink plus a tip!! So the end came, and one of the relatives on our table piped up and said, "Shall we just split the bill?"... Everyone agreed with her!! What?! No! Well, needless to say I did not have the cash on me to pay for the bottles of wine and pints of larger they had all enjoyed, so OH had to pay my extra.

We have another family meal coming up. I don't know whether to just order what I want or stick to my budget again.

What do you do in these situations? Does it annoy you as much as it annoys me? Is there any way to get around it without everyone thinking you're a tight wad?

[Deleted User]

Just have some gumption and say that you're only paying for what you had

Actually, forget that, because I do think it sounds tight. If you've got £20, just say: I'm putting £20 towards this. You'll find that no one will really challenge you about it

pollypenny

I've had this for years. As a vegetarian, I usually have limited choice, but my meal is cheaper than the huge steaks ordered by some in the party.

But if you want to keep your friends, you just have to go with splitting the bill.

BTW: in the US separate cheques are very common. That's one American practice we could do with importing.

Fredula

Ah, but in America, they expect 20% tip, whereas the English usually tip 10%.

I'm all for tipping if I've had a good service (I usually tip too much though ... I once had burger and chips in the harvester, and a choccie pudding, and tipped a fiver...this was when I was like 16 though).

peachyprice

Have the conversation BEFORE you all order, make it quite clear you are on a budget and if everyone else wants to split the bill that's fine, but you'll be doing yours separately. You'll probably find others who feel the same but were too embarassed to bring it up.


If ypu've had the discussion before you can relax and enjoy yourself, within your means, knowing you're not going to be left with a nasty taste at the end of the meal.

19lottie82

I always think I'll look a bit of a tight @rse if I kick up a fuss about splitting a bill tbh but I understand why people get a bit miffed about it if they are tee total and other people are ordering wine ect

in general i don't mind and wont complain (if things are that bad £££ wise, then i shouldn't really be going out for a meal in the 1st place!) but I might be tempted to say something if my share was £10 and I was asked for £30!

elvis86

Fredula wrote: »

Don't you just hate it when you go out for a meal, and you choose your food to what you can afford, what you've budgeted for, you maybe don't have a desert, or perhaps have a small desert, and you only order one or two soft drinks because they're cheaper than the alcohol...and then the bill comes at the end, and some wise !!!! says, "Shall we just split it?"....

I can kind of understand where you're coming from to a degree (eg if someone takes the p!ss knowing the bill will be split), but conversely, I hate it when everyone has pretty much had the same (eg same number of courses and a couple of drinks), and some tightwad gets their phone out and starts totting up what everyone owes (invariably for there to be a paltry couple of quid difference between everyone's individual bills at the end anyway). It makes me cringe. If I begrudge contributing 50p towards someone's dinner because they had the lasagne and I had the mousakka; I'd rather not eat with them. I tend to eat out with people as a pleasurable social activity, don't you?

Fredula wrote: »

Before Christmas, I went out for the MIL's birthday to an all you can eat chinese which costs £16 per person. FIL bought my first drink (coke), and I ordered a second, which was only a half. So, me being me, not liking handbags, etc and not liking my pockets weighed down, only took a £20 note. Perfect, or so I thought. That's the price of the meal, one drink plus a tip!! So the end came, and one of the relatives on our table piped up and said, "Shall we just split the bill?"... Everyone agreed with her!! What?! No! Well, needless to say I did not have the cash on me to pay for the bottles of wine and pints of larger they had all enjoyed, so OH had to pay my extra.

Was everyone else drinking? Was your OH? And are we talking bottles and bottles of fine wine or a couple of bottles of house plonk for the table? What was the difference that your OH had to make up?

To be honest, you do sound like a tightwad. Turning up to a £16pp buffet for your MIL's birthday with £20 and no means of paying any more?:o

Did you remember to pay your FIL back for that coke?:cool:

Fredula wrote: »

We have another family meal coming up. I don't know whether to just order what I want or stick to my budget again.

Maybe don't go? Seriously, if you object to contributing a couple of quid towards your relative's dinner, perhaps it's not worth going?

Fredula wrote: »

Is there any way to get around it without everyone thinking you're a tight wad?

Probably not, in a situation like that. Especially if it was an all-you-can-eat type place, I'm guessing the logic was that everyone's meals had cost the same? Fair enough if it was a proper restaurant and people ordered lobster and champagne whilst you had a salad with coke. But in the circumstances you've described, I would expect the bill to be split.

BugglyB

I am the opposite I hate hate hate splitting the bill at the end. Everyone sitting round going 'let me see the bill' 'I had a coke' 'I had a pudding' 'mine was only a fiver' 'can we see a menu' etc. There is never enough money because people underestimate their share and dont put in for the service charge. And it takes ages in a big group and often ruins the relaxed atmosphere of an evening. Much easier just to split into 7 people = bill / 7 per person.

That said when we go out in a big group I normally insist we buy drinks seperately - most restaurants/bars will do this - or suggest anyone not drinking or who has clearly eaten much less puts in less money.

krlyr

Fredula wrote: »

So the end came, and one of the relatives on our table piped up and said, "Shall we just split the bill?"... Everyone agreed with her!! What?! No!

Did you manage to verbalise that no? If it was with relatives I'd just interject with "Sorry but as I wasn't drinking am I OK to just pay for my own?". You stick your £20 in, they subtract it from the total and divide the rest amongst themselves, not too much bother.
Or as another poster suggested, mention it beforehand - I often do this with friends/family, ditto with nights out and drinks rounds - we agree beforehand if we're doing "rounds" or buying our own, often I don't fancy a drink and offer to drive so I want to be sure I'm not forking out for fancy booze for everyone and drinking lemonade myself.

Saturnalia

It takes manners on both sides I reckon. Yes, maybe if you suggest at the start to pay your share only, some people would think you're tight, but most folk have been skint at some point and real friends/good family should understand!

But on the other side of the table, it's cheeky for those on the wine to expect non-drinkers to subsidise their drink! They should get a clue as well.

krlyr

elvis86 wrote: »

To be honest, you do sound like a tightwad. Turning up to a £16pp buffet for your MIL's birthday with £20 and no means of paying any more?:o

Did you remember to pay your FIL back for that coke?

Taking £16 for the set-price food, extra for a drink (and not ordering more than that one drink you've budgeted for) and a tip - why would you need to take any means of paying any more?
As for paying back FIL - he bought OP a Coke, he didn't offer it as a loan. Why would there be a need to pay him back?