Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

Birdy12

krlyr wrote: »

OP might have just waited for the meal to have a drink with dinner, but said yes to the offer of a drink from FIL (and I don't think it's a sin to accept a freebie drink from family if they've offered!)

So the OP was quite happy to accept the offer of a drink from another person (doesn't matter if it's a relative or not) but didn't bring funds to reciprocate the offer? Now that is tight.

The drink wasn't a 'freebie', someone paid for it, her FiL.

krlyr

Birdy12 wrote: »

So the OP was quite happy to accept the offer of a drink from another person (doesn't matter if it's a relative or not) but didn't bring funds to reciprocate the offer? Now that is tight.

The drink wasn't a 'freebie', someone paid for it, her FiL.

FIL bought the drink and gave it to OP without charging her, voila freebie from FIL. OP didn't hold a gun to FIL's head. Maybe FIL knows OP isn't flush with cash and wanted to make a nice gesture. My stepdad would get offended if I turned down the offer of a drink if he knew I didn't have much spare cash - if he can afford to offer and I can't, he's happy to help out if it means I can enjoy the evening along with everyone else. It's not like OP has gone out without any cash at all expecting someone else to pay her bill.

emerald21

Fredula wrote: »

Don't you just hate it when you go out for a meal, and you choose your food to what you can afford, what you've budgeted for, you maybe don't have a desert, or perhaps have a small desert, and you only order one or two soft drinks because they're cheaper than the alcohol...and then the bill comes at the end, and some wise !!!! says, "Shall we just split it?"....

Before Christmas, I went out for the MIL's birthday to an all you can eat chinese which costs £16 per person. FIL bought my first drink (coke), and I ordered a second, which was only a half. So, me being me, not liking handbags, etc and not liking my pockets weighed down, only took a £20 note. Perfect, or so I thought. That's the price of the meal, one drink plus a tip!! So the end came, and one of the relatives on our table piped up and said, "Shall we just split the bill?"... Everyone agreed with her!! What?! No! Well, needless to say I did not have the cash on me to pay for the bottles of wine and pints of larger they had all enjoyed, so OH had to pay my extra.

We have another family meal coming up. I don't know whether to just order what I want or stick to my budget again.

What do you do in these situations? Does it annoy you as much as it annoys me? Is there any way to get around it without everyone thinking you're a tight wad?

I would just pay for my share as i dont drink and i dont care if they thought i was a tight wad etc i know im not and im not stupid either lol

podperson

SandC wrote: »

There's another category I think:

4) People who want to go for a meal, love spending time with that group but who will not go into the red as it is, after all, a luxury.

I don't think someone should miss out on seeing people they want to spend time with just because they don't have the cash spare at the time everyone else wants to go out. We have had that issue with a group of my friends. Trying to get everyone out together without missing everyone, doing something that suits all (often not having a meal) means that nights out happen rarely instead of having more regular ones where one or two might be missing from any one occasion.

Completely agree with this. I rarely feel pressured to go out with friends - I can either choose to either just not go or to go but be aware that I only have xx amount to spend so need to choose what I have accordingly. Some of my friends are in a similar situation, some are more comfortable and probably wouldn't bother about splitting the bill - but if they made me feel bad for not wanting to do that I wouldn't consider them very good friends tbh.

Any

While I understand why people don't want to pay any more then they had, I also absolutely hate it when at the end of the meal you spend 40 mins with 5 people and 6 phones trying to add up the bill.

We only go out like that once in a while, and when I am there I want to enjoy it. I want to eat, laugh, drink, pay and get out and into a bar/dancefloor/pub.

If you want to be separate as you cannot afford it, make sure in advance with staff you are paying separately and with the head of the party. It's completely possible and avoids any embarassment.

It is completely true that when "who had what" is paid for by each it NEVER adds up.

In smaller groups (up to five) it is doable, but I think in large groups it's near to impossible unless each couple/table keeps separate tap.

I have never gone out with people who purposely order £50 bottle or completely take Mickey because they can and it will be split. But then I wouldn't have friends like that to start with.

FatVonD

I do think that drinkers tend to underestimate the price of a bottle of wine in a restaurant and how quickly it adds up. I disagree though with those saying to fill your boots and eat and drink the same amount as everyone else just to get your fair share. Imo that's far more petty and mean spirited than just wanting to pay for what you had.

I've always hated awkwardness at bill paying time or people that hang back from buying a round, (I've worked with people that would be ahead of you walking down the road to the pub yet *somehow* by the time you got to the bar they were miraculously behind you.) I'd always rather be stung into shelling out than suffer the awkwardness of waiting for someone else to offer, BUT... the older I get the much less embarrassed I am about it so if I'd eaten/drunk a lot less than everyone else I'd throw mine in plus another couple of quid to be on the safe side.

fluffnutter

Fredula wrote: »

... so OH had to pay my extra.

This is the weirdest thing. Do you and your OH pay separately then?? I hope you remembered to pay him back if that's the case...

BugglyB

What is not mean spirited:

"I've had no beer or wine and my food was roughly a tenner so I'll just put in that if no-one minds, plus this pound for a tip"

What is mean spirited:

"Well my main was £7.45 and my drink was £1.80 so here is my £9.25" and then sit back or even worse leave before the bill is settled!

elvis86

krlyr wrote: »

I can see it maybe being an issue in a restaurant that have a set service charge above 10% but other than that, if OP wants to tip 10% and the others want to tip 20%, I see that as their perogative, not OP's problem.

I think the main problem here has been lack of communication. OP should have made it clear they were only able/willing to put in £20, the group should have made it clear that they were going to split the bill (and whether the service charge was more than 10% - most restaurants I know make you aware of that if it's a large group booking) and then everyone would have known where they stood. If people just shut up and put up then someone's bound to get upset that they didn't get it their way.

Birdy12 wrote: »

You see, in this case, I would've stated my case from the outset or joined in, stuffed my face too, and paid the price. Surely, when you hear people ordering starters, cocktails and alcohol at the beginning of a meal, you know, financially, where it's heading?

krlyr wrote: »

OP can afford it - at £20, like they worked it out to be. Why should they be paying for everyone else's more expensive bills? If their relatives can't afford it without someone else subsidising them, they shouldn't go out!

LitleMissAspie wrote: »

I have never in my life ordered or bought "what I fancy". I ALWAYS consider the price and usually buy the cheapest on purpose. Just because someone has £xxx available doesn't mean they want to spend it all and have nothing left. I'm with the OP on this.

emerald21 wrote: »

I would just pay for my share as i dont drink and i dont care if they thought i was a tight wad etc i know im not and im not stupid either lol

Perhaps I'm weird, but I actually look forward to dining out with family and friends, and don't see it as an exercise in minimising what I pay and maximising what I get? If I felt like this, I wouldn't go.

I'm going to say something that will shock the more tightfisted amongst you;

I don't actually mind paying for a friend's drink. Or for a relatives' dessert. Even if I've not had one.

If £10 extra on a dinner bill was going to have as massive an impact as some of you have made out, if that £10 was the difference between me surviving until next payday; I wouldn't be going out for dinner.

As a few people have said, people who nitpick and object to reasonably splitting bills (ie where there's a nominal difference in what people have consumed) are the kinds of people that find themselves not being invited anywhere. It's unpleasant and rude, IMO.

fluffnutter

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I have never in my life ordered or bought "what I fancy". I ALWAYS consider the price and usually buy the cheapest on purpose. Just because someone has £xxx available doesn't mean they want to spend it all and have nothing left. I'm with the OP on this.

You sound great fun! Call me!