Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

archie9uk

I'm rather confused as to why this thread has turned into such a big argument. We are all members of a forum called "money saving expert". Surely that means we are all interested in saving money where we can? As far as I am concerned, I should not have to subsidise other people, when I am trying to economise myself. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I am not in debt...

Timmne

archie9uk wrote: »

I'm rather surprised as to why this thread has turned into such a big argument. We are all members of a forum called "money saving expert". Surely that means we are all interested in saving money where we can? As far as I am concerned, I should not have to subsidise other people, when I am trying to economise myself. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I am not in debt...

The site's actually about value, not cost. Even Martin Lewis says that it's not the aim to always spend the least, it's to get value for money.

Fredula

To be fair, this was the first time I'd met OH's family (with the exception of his parents and grandparents), so I wasn't exactly going to pipe up and say "Well, hang on a minute, I'm not up for that!". Although I agree that in future, saying before the start of the meal that I'm paying for my own will be the way to go. The thing I was most annoyed about was that when they asked if anyone wanted anymore starters, I said yes and everyone else said no, so they brought the mains. What can you do eh.

Also, me and OH do share our finances now, but at the time, we were living separately so our finances were separate. Now that we live together, have a son (coincidentally it was the day after the meal I found out I was 5 and a half months preggers) and are saving for a house together, our finances are shared.

This time when we go out, (the only reason we're going is so that they can all see the babbers - or we wouldn't be going), OH is going to talk to his Mum (as it's her side of the family) and let her know that we're paying for ours.

Oh, also, it was a fiver that OH had to make up for me. And yes £20 cash is enough to go out with. I am a tomboy - I've never done handbags and never will. I do however like rucksacks, although you can't quite get away with taking one of those to a chinese restaurant :P

PasturesNew

People who say "split the bill" are usually overweight and greedy - and simply want to bully those that they expect to subsidise their greed.

They do this by making out YOU are the tight one - when it's them. THEY are the tight ones for trying to avoid paying their way. We all make choices ... they CHOSE to have the extra large pie, the huge dessert and enough alcohol to calm down their alcoholic shakes.... it's ferkin rude and bullying of them to try to get everybody else to stump up and pay their way every time.

£20 for a £16 meal and one drink = more than fair in my mind.

We need a phrase to show these people up - because they stop people with less money being able to go out and enjoy a meal out for fear of getting caught every time.

krlyr

elvis86 wrote: »

If you can afford £20, but can't afford £25 (literally cannot afford £5, rather than just not wishing to pay an extra fiver), if spending £5 more is going to have dire consequences for you and your family; then you should not be going out.

What if the electric bill is £5 more this month? What if you get ill and need to pay for a prescription? I can't understand someone who is actually that poverty-stricken thinking that a £16 buffet meal out is a good idea?

If you're going to make a fuss over a couple of quid extra on your bill, or make everyone else uncomfortable by sitting nursing one drink all night, then everyone else would probably rather you didn't go.

Where do you draw the line then? If you have £25 spare, do you go out? What if the bill comes in at £30, or the electric bill is £10 more this month?
OP could spare £20. They went out with £20. They ordered £20 of food. I don't see what the big crime is about not wanting to go over budget. If my phone company charged me £25 instead of £20 because they'd had a particularly costly month and decided to split the cost of everyone's bills equally, I'd certainly argue over the fiver. I wouldn't starve to death without it but if you let a fiver go here, a fiver there, the £5s soon add up. Plenty of people on here stick to a strict budget, that doesn't mean they can't ever leave the house and socialise with friends or family, it just means that they're aware of what money they have spare and stick to their budget.

rakkibeth

Having read this whole post, I think that the main reason that people go out for a meal with friends is to enjoy the company and have a lovely evening.

I also sense that OP wasn't complaining about the cost of the meal as such, but more felt awkward that she didn't have enough money on her to pay the exact amount if the bill was split, especially given she didn't have as much as the others in way of drinks. Rather than how much the meal actually cost.

However, I do also think that within a group of people, there are often many different levels of wealth, meaning that for some people it might be their only treat of the month, and for others, the 3rd meal out that week.

If I organise a meal out, my main aim is to get together with people that I haven't seen for a while, and for everyone to have a great time. I try my very best make sure that while the restaurant we go to is decent enough to feel 'a treat' it also has a reasonable spread of dishes on the menu at various costs (and often email the menu around first when suggesting the night out) so that people have a fair idea of costs before they commit.

Big group = set menu, everyone bring correct cash for the bill, then people buy their own drinks seperately at the bar.

For a smaller group, i'm more than happy to work out the bill at the end of the night. If everyone has had a similar amount of similarly priced alcohol, and a roughly even amount of evenly priced dishes (starter and main, main and pudding etc) then i'd double check if everyone is happy to split, and if so, job done.

However if there are any non-drinkers in the group, or if people had 2 starters instead of a starter and main for example, or if some people had the £8 pasta and others the £20 steak, I adjust accordingly. Including for if there are any children eating, or if anyone joined in the meal halfway through. I then work out the tip at 10% of the total bill (checking of course that it isn't already included), work out total cost for each person / couple (usually rounding it all up to the nearest pound to make an easy amount and any extra goes onto the tip).

This may all sound like a hassle to some people, but I find it far easier to get it straight then and there and for everyone to go away from the meal happy, than for anyone to be bitter about the way the bill was split. I've seen the silent treatment go on for months with some friends over things like this.

After all, surely the reason to go out for a meal was to go and have a lovely time?

Happy Thursday xx

elvis86

Fredula wrote: »

Oh, also, it was a fiver that OH had to make up for me. And yes £20 cash is enough to go out with. I am a tomboy - I've never done handbags and never will. I do however like rucksacks, although you can't quite get away with taking one of those to a chinese restaurant :P

You were that upset? Over a fiver?! I rest my case. You're a tightwad.

The waffle about handbags is irrelevant. Wherever you put the £20, be it a pocket or down your bra, wherever; there would've been room for another £20 or a debit card.

PasturesNew

elvis86 wrote: »

If you can afford £20, but can't afford £25 (literally cannot afford £5, rather than just not wishing to pay an extra fiver), if spending £5 more is going to have dire consequences for you and your family; then you should not be going out.

That's just so wrong.

The OP could afford to go out - and had enough money, PLUS 25%, on them, in cash ..... maybe the thieves who robbed her of more money should be locked up.

LandyAndy

Fredula wrote: »

Oh, also, it was a fiver that OH had to make up for me. And yes £20 cash is enough to go out with. I am a tomboy - I've never done handbags and never will. I do however like rucksacks, although you can't quite get away with taking one of those to a chinese restaurant :P

I'm astonished. I can't imagine a chinese restaurant turning you away for having a rucksack. You must dine much further up the market than I do.:(

SandC

Well on the subject of budgets for nights out I think we will all agree that nights out are a luxury and therefore not something you'd put before paying any kind of bill.

I for one, will not rob Peter to pay Paul for the sake of a night out. I have turned down a couple of evenings out when I haven't had the money and friends have not understood why I haven't wanted to dig into my savings for it or borrow some from someone (who?). To me, either I can afford a night out on what cash I have available after everything else I've had to pay for (or what I know is approaching) or I don't go.

In the OPs case if I only had £20 and knew the meal was £16 then that would be an occasion I would have to turn down. Far too close for comfort for me that one.

My experience has also been that with people who have plenty of money to spend on things like meals out I genuinely don't believe they really take notice of the bill or what they are ordering. I was out for a meal with a group who I didn't know very well. Someone suggested we split the bill equally which would have meant £35 each. Yet a couple of those people had chosen things from the menu costing at least £50 in total. One person had only had a main course and one glass of wine from the bottle 4 of us shared. So we spoke up. The ones who had chosen the more expensive items (and extra veggies/potatoes etc) seemed bemused by it. But it was absolutely not fair to split it. But I honestly don't think the act was deliberate. After all, if everyone picked stuff they 'fancied' then the bill could end up astronomical.

Finally as for tipping - if you've got a party of people and you are having a lot of wine etc. then take the drinks total off the bill before you work out the 10% (or whatever) tip. Mark up on alcohol is huge and has not meant any extra work for anyone.