Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

Trazy

Birdy12 wrote: »

You see, in this case, I would've stated my case from the outset or joined in, stuffed my face too, and paid the price. Surely, when you hear people ordering starters, cocktails and alcohol at the beginning of a meal, you know, financially, where it's heading?

Unfortunately I was very naive, I didn't think people would do that. I (wrongly) thought they would pay extra as they had consumed far more :o

[Deleted User]

krlyr wrote: »

What "error" though? OP knew the meal was £16pp, they presumably knew the cost of their drink beforehand or chose their drink based on the price when they got there. No error, just someone else's call to split the bill. I guess the one error you could blame is OP's unwillingness to speak out against that decision and just spend the £20 as planned.

Error? Well, maybe coke cost £2.25, not £2. What if you fancied two drinks and no one was around to buy you one?

Why do people make it sound like eating out is a chore? Don't go out if you can't afford it

krlyr

Birdy12 wrote: »

Have to say I'm agreemment with Elvis86, £20 was not enough, especially when the meal was £16pp. Say your FiL hadn't bought you a coke. So that's £16 for the meal, 2 cokes at, say £1.50 each so £3, and then the tip. So over the £20 mark. Not a lot, granted, but enough to know you didn't have enough cash.

Or OP might have just had the one drink, knowing they only had £20. With FIL buying the drink I'm imagining that they were early and grabbed a drink at the bar/table before everyone turned up and ordered. OP might have just waited for the meal to have a drink with dinner, but said yes to the offer of a drink from FIL (and I don't think it's a sin to accept a freebie drink from family if they've offered!)

auroan wrote: »

If you loose friends because of that... then your definition of friend is somewhat different to mine.

Exactly, and perhaps even moreso with relatives. If they're going to disown you because you're struggling for money and want to just pay your own way then are they the kind of company you want to be keeping?

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Error? Well, maybe coke cost £2.25, not £2. What if you fancied two drinks and no one was around to buy you one?

Why do people make it sound like eating out is a chore? Don't go out if you can't afford it

Or maybe it cost £1.50. We don't know, I'm just assuming that as OP has said it was the price for the meal, drink and tip (and having also acknowledged tips are usually 10%), they've worked it out to £20 or under. If they wanted two drinks - well, tough, they didn't have the cash on them to afford it. I've gone out and just made one drink last me the evening if I know I don't have the money for another, it's not that difficult. Or there's always free tap water.

OP can afford it - at £20, like they worked it out to be. Why should they be paying for everyone else's more expensive bills? If their relatives can't afford it without someone else subsidising them, they shouldn't go out!

SandC

There never seems to be enough money collected together at the end of a group meal where everyone is paying for what they had. That even happens when drinks are being paid for separately. I don't know what it is - do they forget what they ordered? How can they?

Where it's obvious that there isn't much discrepancy in what people have had - how many courses etc. then I'm happy to split the bill equally.

It's a subject that keeps cropping up here and for good reason - there is no 'right' way, just what suits the majority and that will only be a majority, not everyone.

I am comfortable with speaking up these days. If I'm on a tight budget I'll explain before we've even ordered that I'm paying for what I have and only that. It's better to be upfront than worry about it all through the meal.

BugglyB

SandC wrote: »

There never seems to be enough money collected together at the end of a group meal where everyone is paying for what they had. That even happens when drinks are being paid for separately. I don't know what it is - do they forget what they ordered? How can they?

Where it's obvious that there isn't much discrepancy in what people have had - how many courses etc. then I'm happy to split the bill equally.

It's a subject that keeps cropping up here and for good reason - there is no 'right' way, just what suits the majority and that will only be a majority, not everyone.

I am comfortable with speaking up these days. If I'm on a tight budget I'll explain before we've even ordered that I'm paying for what I have and only that. It's better to be upfront than worry about it all through the meal.

Well said. I dont think there is anything wrong with saying 'I'm so excited to be out with you guys because I dont get to go for a meal often nowadays. This birthday/celebration was too important for me to miss. I hope you will understand I didnt drink any of the wine so I'll just be putting in this twenty'. With a big smile.

podperson

Timmne wrote: »

But this isn't because they've set out to eat as much as they can on others' money - they've gone out to have a good evening and have (quite rightly) not sat there panicking over the bill all night. A couple of extra drinks and a starter might only add £10 onto their bill and they've mentally agreed that this isn't a problem.

Potentially ignorantly (as I am one of these people) they probably thought everyone was there to kick back and have a great time too, ordering what they fancy, not the minimum to get them through the night without having to spend much!

I'm not saying they have necessarily done it deliberately but I think some people don't realise (or sometimes just seem to forget when it suits them) then a lot of people are quite hard up at the moment. I am on a strict budget so if I'm invited out for a meal I unfortunately have to sit down and see if I can afford it. If I can only spare £20 from the bills that week then I would go and have (for example) only 2 drinks and no dessert. I would then be a little annoyed if I was told, oh, well pay £30 anyway as everyone else did have extra drinks/courses.
I don't really see why that means I'm stopping people from 'kicking back'. Unless people ARE expecting others to subsidise them then why would they have a problem with paying for their own items?

Timmne

There seems to be three categories of people here:

1) People who can afford the meal but don't care about paying a little more/less; these will split the bill down the middle
2) People who can't really afford to go out but go under pressure from friends who want them there
3)People who can afford to go but will have the minimum possible to avoid having to spend much and then have a problem with paying anything over the minimum

I am 1), I usually offer to pay for those in the 2) code and those in 3), I try and avoid going out with.

SandC

There's another category I think:

4) People who want to go for a meal, love spending time with that group but who will not go into the red as it is, after all, a luxury.

I don't think someone should miss out on seeing people they want to spend time with just because they don't have the cash spare at the time everyone else wants to go out. We have had that issue with a group of my friends. Trying to get everyone out together without missing everyone, doing something that suits all (often not having a meal) means that nights out happen rarely instead of having more regular ones where one or two might be missing from any one occasion.

LittleMissAspie

Timmne wrote: »

ordering what they fancy

I have never in my life ordered or bought "what I fancy". I ALWAYS consider the price and usually buy the cheapest on purpose. Just because someone has £xxx available doesn't mean they want to spend it all and have nothing left. I'm with the OP on this.

candygirl

TBH if I was that skint, which I often am, I couldn't be bothered going out in the first place:DI can't understand all the fuss about a few quid, it'd put me off going out tbh;)