Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

FatVonD

BugglyB wrote: »

What is mean spirited:

"Well my main was £7.45 and my drink was £1.80 so here is my £9.25" and then sit back or even worse leave before the bill is settled!

I've worked with some of those too, the 'not only am I going to leave probably less than I owe but I'll also make the point that I'm far busier/more conscientious than everyone else and I'm going back to work sooner too' brigade.

Not unsurprisingly those are the people with the most money though :rotfl:

podperson

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm going to say something that will shock the more tightfisted amongst you;

I don't actually mind paying for a friend's drink. Or for a relatives' dessert. Even if I've not had one.

If £10 extra on a dinner bill was going to have as massive an impact as some of you have made out, if that £10 was the difference between me surviving until next payday; I wouldn't be going out for dinner.

As a few people have said, people who nitpick and object to reasonably splitting bills (ie where there's a nominal difference in what people have consumed) are the kinds of people that find themselves not being invited anywhere. It's unpleasant and rude, IMO.

So you wouldn't mind paying for a friend's drink but you would begrudge them not wanting to pay extra for yours if they were on a budget? If I had spare money I would be happy to buy drinks and things for friends/family but I don't.
I would have thought that if they are decent friends that they would rather I came out and said, 'sorry, do you mind if I just pay for my own as I'm a bit skint' rather then stay home and not see them, or because I need to budget should I never go out in case I'm expected to pay for other people?

Buttonmoons

I've eaten out loads of times and we just split the bill, but then most of us have ordered similar (start + main + few drinks) and more often than not, I'm the only one having a glass (not bottle!) of wine with the dinner, but then they have a pudding so it's all roughly about the same anyways and I always say I will bung in some more because no-one else has had alcohol but it's usually dismissed as it's not that big of an amount between 4/5 people.

On the other hand, there has been a few times I've been out with certain people and I'll just have a main, and they'll have 3 courses + 4 vodkas. Sorry but I ain't paying for that, and I would not give a fudge if they think I'm being stingy either, more than happy to split if its just a fiver or so more, but when your total bill has jumped from about £20, to £35, I ain't having it.

*Louise*

I don't mind the bill being split IF it is mentioned beforehand and non-drinkers pay a lesser amount to an extent. That way everyone knows where the goalposts are - it would be frustrating ordering the cheapest meal you could then ending up with a big bill at the end - might as well have just ordered what you wanted.

Worst 'split bill' I have ever been part of was on a night out with OH's family - they decided that the bill was to be split between the men present (!)...one of them had his three children with him, okay, fair enough I don't begrudge paying towards the kids but another had his wife and two adult daughters who had managed to put away at least a couple of bottles of wine between them so our bill ended up about £30-£40 more than if we were just paying for ourselves. More annoying that OH was driving and I was pregnant so we didn't even have any alcohol.

krlyr

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm going to say something that will shock the more tightfisted amongst you;

I don't actually mind paying for a friend's drink. Or for a relatives' dessert. Even if I've not had one.

Believe it or not - me neither! As long as I can afford it. But I don't have an unlimited entertainment budget.
I don't know OP's situation but this was a family, birthday meal - not just a night out with friends "just because". OH moved across the county to live with me and therefore the only time we tend to see his family together are at these family meals, so we make the effort where we can. If we get an invite to x restaurant, we look online, see that it'll cost us £20 a head plus drinks or whatever it works out at, we'll decide if we can afford it or not. If we can, we'll go along - but if paying for someone's dessert pushed us over our budget, should we miss out on catching up with his family because of it? Fortunately for us, they're happy to pay for what they eat and it doesn't put us in the position of having to turn down the invitation. If OP could comfortably afford £20, but not £25, £30, etc. then I don't see the problem with them going out and ordering £20 of food and expecting to pay £20 for it. They stay within budget but get to see their family - everyone's a winner.
Sometimes the £5 may be the difference between a £20 charge on your credit card for missing the minimum payment or not, or a week's worth of lunches that you can't afford to not eat. Sometimes it might just mean you don't buy that new mascara until next payday. But it's relative to that person and paying for someone else's pudding can have more of an impact on one person's finances than another's.

BugglyB

*Louise* wrote: »

I don't mind the bill being split IF it is mentioned beforehand and non-drinkers pay a lesser amount to an extent. That way everyone knows where the goalposts are - it would be frustrating ordering the cheapest meal you could then ending up with a big bill at the end - might as well have just ordered what you wanted.

Worst 'split bill' I have ever been part of was on a night out with OH's family - they decided that the bill was to be split between the men present (!)...one of them had his three children with him, okay, fair enough I don't begrudge paying towards the kids but another had his wife and two adult daughters who had managed to put away at least a couple of bottles of wine between them so our bill ended up about £30-£40 more than if we were just paying for ourselves. More annoying that OH was driving and I was pregnant so we didn't even have any alcohol.

Oh goodness oh family do this too. It winds me up no end. I am not allowed near a bar when they are around. I have to slip OH twenty quid under the table for my round and then he gets thanked for all the drinks. I am happy to do rounds 'per couple' - oh mum does not work for example - but not 'per bloke' - I do work and I like to pay my way!

BLUEBIE

I work in a restaurant and its a complete pain in the ar*e when people split the bill to the penny, they ask for the bill then come up with 8 different debit cards to pay on which takes more time than dealing with cash, then instead of even bothering to work out who owes what they will just hand you the bill back and say ' I had steak, chocolate cake and a stella' and hand you their card. Not only are they tight, they are too thick to work out what they owe. And I have to ignore the rest of my tables for ten minutes doing it for them. And on the whole the people who split the bill to the penny are usually the ones who won't leave a tip after all that.

Just my experience.

B

irrationalactor

I also despise settling the bill. Here are three of my experiences:

Once when I was a student I was out with a bunch of my friends in a pub. We all had a burger each and some drinks. When the bill came we all threw in what we thought we owed but of course it came up short. Cue about ten minutes of wrangling and attempts at mental arithmetic, with pounds moving between seats as we attempted to match people's liability. It was mortifying to sit in the middle of the pub arguing while the bar staff are waiting to settle up. Eventually I snapped and shoved the entire bill on my credit card (which as a student I really could not afford). The nitpicking completely ruined the outing.

Once on a friend's stag do we were about twenty guys at a pretty nice restaurant - we had the biggest table in the place. We had had to wait for about an hour to get seated. There were a few issues with the groom's steak and the guy sitting opposite me was slightly disappointed with his choice and eyed my plate enviously. But everything was fine and I was looking forward to the rest of the evening. However when the bill came it was commandeered by a particular person, who proceeded to add up everyone's liability to the penny. We literally queued up to hand over the exact change he required so that he could settle up. Getting through all twenty of us took at least half an hour!

Last night I went out with a friend to a steakhouse. When the bill came I mentally rounded it up for a tip and suggested we split the total in half. Which was fine. But after we had paid, my friend pointed out that they had already added a hefty service charge I hadn't noticed, so effectively we had given them a 25% tip! And thinking on it a little later, he had had a cheaper option than I had and fewer drinks. It was mortifying. Luckily my friend is an easygoing guy - he wasn't upset and I bought him a few drinks later in the evening.

Bill settling time is just one of those horrible things that can so easily blow up in your face. People have very different attitudes to money and very different ideas about what it is reasonable to spend. I find it very embarassing if someone at the table insists on paying to the penny, or skimps on the tip, as it takes so long and makes our table appear like a bunch of tightwads. I very much prefer to split the bill as it is so much simpler.

I realise that I'm either lucky or foolish to have money to throw away on dining out. However my problem isn't with people on budgets - we're all on a budget. It's more like I really don't want to have to stress about money when we're supposed to be having a good time. It would be just as annoying if the person who owed the most at the table insisted on adding everything up and dragged everything out.

The suggestion of mentioning your budget at the start of the meal, or objecting to splitting and putting in what you're comfortable with (obviously covering what you've ordered!) are good ones. Also I find loads of places will split the bill at the end if you tell them which items each person wants to pay for - which can be much faster than adding it up yourself. I think the most important thing is to relax, don't stress over pennies (save that for pounds!), and make the arithmetic simple so you can all move on and enjoy yourselves.

None of the other diners are deliberately trying to dine out at your expense - honest! :beer:

elvis86

krlyr wrote: »

OH moved across the county to live with me and therefore the only time we tend to see his family together are at these family meals, so we make the effort where we can. If we get an invite to x restaurant, we look online, see that it'll cost us £20 a head plus drinks or whatever it works out at, we'll decide if we can afford it or not. If we can, we'll go along - but if paying for someone's dessert pushed us over our budget, should we miss out on catching up with his family because of it? Fortunately for us, they're happy to pay for what they eat and it doesn't put us in the position of having to turn down the invitation. If OP could comfortably afford £20, but not £25, £30, etc. then I don't see the problem with them going out and ordering £20 of food and expecting to pay £20 for it. They stay within budget but get to see their family - everyone's a winner.
Sometimes the £5 may be the difference between a £20 charge on your credit card for missing the minimum payment or not, or a week's worth of lunches that you can't afford to not eat. Sometimes it might just mean you don't buy that new mascara until next payday. But it's relative to that person and paying for someone else's pudding can have more of an impact on one person's finances than another's.

If you can afford £20, but can't afford £25 (literally cannot afford £5, rather than just not wishing to pay an extra fiver), if spending £5 more is going to have dire consequences for you and your family; then you should not be going out.

What if the electric bill is £5 more this month? What if you get ill and need to pay for a prescription? I can't understand someone who is actually that poverty-stricken thinking that a £16 buffet meal out is a good idea?

If you're going to make a fuss over a couple of quid extra on your bill, or make everyone else uncomfortable by sitting nursing one drink all night, then everyone else would probably rather you didn't go.

BugglyB

Well perhaps thats going a bit far elvis. People do feel obliged to go to, for example, their mothers 60th birthday party, or their sisters graduation meal, even if they are on the breadline.