BIL put us in very awkward situation with birthday meal!

Gra76

I've been in the position the BIL is in. I was organising a get-together for myself and my old school friends I hadn't seen in a while. They left it up to me to do as we were meeting up close to where I live and some of them were travelling a couple of hours to be there. I had no problem with me doing the organising.

I tried to pick somewhere with a good atmosphere and somewhere I knew the food was good. I knew it wasn't particularly cheap though and I sent a PDF of the restaurants menu with the emails I sent out so no-one was under any illusions that it was going to be a fiver per person....

I got a handful of replies saying they were happy with it and 1 reply saying they couldn't afford it.

I lowered my targets in terms of cost and came up with an alternative that everyone was happy with. Took me all of another 20 mins of thinking and emailing. I got replies back from everyone saying they were happy with the choice.

We all met up and everyone had a great night. I think at the end of the day it's the company of the people you're with that makes the night a success, and the venue/food are a smaller consideration to an extent.

Dunroamin

aliasojo wrote: »

And if there is no 'entertainment budget'?

We don't have an entertainment budget. Unfortunately.

I agree with those who say £45 isn't hugely drastic for a good meal, but it's a ridiculous amount if your budget is tight.

We couldn't do it right now either.

Rock and a hard place OP....upset family or upset your finances. We can't make that decision for you, but I hope you reach an outcome you can live with.

Obviously I appreciate that some people don't have an entertainment/leisure budget, I was just pointing out that comparing the cost of a night out with what you pay on food for a week doesn't make sense - it's like comparing apples and oranges.

BugglyB

Dunroamin wrote: »

Obviously I appreciate that some people don't have an entertainment/leisure budget, I was just pointing out that comparing the cost of a night out with what you pay on food for a week doesn't make sense - it's like comparing apples and oranges.

This is true, its like people complaining when a pasta dish is priced at more than a fiver, because 'that costs pence to buy the stuff for' - you're not just paying for the ingredients.

krlyr

Dunroamin wrote: »

Obviously I appreciate that some people don't have an entertainment/leisure budget, I was just pointing out that comparing the cost of a night out with what you pay on food for a week doesn't make sense - it's like comparing apples and oranges.

It's just a similar expense to compare against. I could equally say "£90! That'd pay my petrol expenses for a month!" or "£90, that's 2 month's car insurance!", or in OP's case "£90, that will pay off our oustanding credit card bill!" - point being that, if you don't have an entertainment budget, presumably it's because you don't have £90 "spare" a month to spend on whatever, that money is needed to pay for your food shopping/petrol/insurance/credit card and you'd be equally as happy with a £20 meal instead.

Bexm

Hi All

Well.. didn't realise you lot were still going..!

There have been some developments though..

Firstly before I say and to put some of you straight..

I didn't think a place existed in the area I live that could charge £45 a head for a meal (especially NOT including drinks as this is) as I live in the !!!! end of nowhere so it didn't even cross my mind that this would be the cost. I have never ever paid that much for a meal!
The place he told us we were going has the same name as the place we usually eat so I just assumed it was there. Didn't realise it was a different place of the same name.

I'd budgeted about £40 for the night as this is what we'd usually pay for a good meal out.

There are no other options menu wise, as the place just does a set meal. It's very posh!

My husband and I agreed we'd best go as would just cause arguments but after reading the menu again and seeing it was mostly stuff I didn't like I told my husband that I was not paying £45 quid for it.
This caused one almightly great row.. along the lines of "It's my sister's birthday - you ARE going" and "Do you want to cause a family feud" :mad:

So final verdict, to stop the rows is we're going and we're paying.. something else is going to suffer somewhere, but I don't know what yet..

Will let you know how it goes next week!

krlyr

I assume hubby will be the one sacrificing any of his luxuries for a while to cover the expense of going then!

pickledtink

What an absolutely horrible situation this man has created with his presumptuous action.
It's quite likely given the present dire state of the economic situation in this country that yours is not the only household 'invited' to this which has been made to feel uncomfortable, upset and obliged.
I'd be livid if expected to pay far more than I could afford for a meal I am not even going to enjoy and will have to scrimp to pay off afterwards.

beth.stephenson2009

You can't afford it, and you aren't comfortable (just like I wouldn't be) with someone else paying for you- its the way it is

Tell him this, and suggest your do something as family together that is cheaper? Offer to host a dinner party maybe? Or how about you pay for your half, and your husbands mother pays for his? So its 50/50? And then offer her the money back next month.

They can't force you to go, and you obviously don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation.

That is my suggestion.

Kimberley

No way on earth would I get further into debt for a meal. I wouldn't go even for my own family let alone the in-laws. I also wouldn't be held to ransom with the "feud" card, it's mean't to make you feel guilty and thats unfair. If they stop speaking to you because you have stood your ground and stopped yourself getting deaper into the red then thats their problem. I certainly wouldn't be bullied into it.

gregg1

Kimberley wrote: »

No way on earth would I get further into debt for a meal. I wouldn't go even for my own family let alone the in-laws. I also wouldn't be held to ransom with the "feud" card, it's mean't to make you feel guilty and thats unfair. If they stop speaking to you because you have stood your ground and stopped yourself getting deaper into the red then thats their problem. I certainly wouldn't be bullied into it.

Absolutely agree.

I NEVER split bills in restaurants. I could not care less if anyone thinks I am tight. Going out for meals is, for a lot of people, becoming more and more of a treat these days and I absolutely refuse, when I have maybe chosen a cheaper item on the bill (sometimes just because I prefer to have it, not necessarily because of the price) to have to then foot the bill for some other greedy guts who has seen splitting the bill as their chance to have the most expensive three courses in the house. This has happened to me countless times before I got wise to it and decided enough was enough. I even do this now on work/departmental meals out. At first it drew a few raised eyebrows but now I have noticed more and more people have started doing it.

The one's who get arsy about it are the ones who order the biggest and most expensive items - no surprises there!

Add to that the fact that I don't really drink and again, do not see why I should foot the bill for others to drink themselves into oblivion.


I still think the OP should try and get hubby's agreement to go but put in enough cash to cover just their own meals. Although I know from experience this is easier said than done. It takes some willpower to stand your ground when people around you at the table are trying to make you out to be a cheapskate for refusing to contribute towards THEIR meals.