BIL put us in very awkward situation with birthday meal!

Bexm

Hi

I don't post here often but not sure what to do.

My hubby's sister has a big birthday this week and her husband (BIL) has been arranging a surprise dinner for her for the past few months. He told us back in January.. of course we said we'd go, assuming it'd just be a bar meal or something!

Last night he emailed us over the menu that we have to choose from, the meal is on Saturday and at the bottom it said £45 each!!! (we has absolutely no prior warning of this!)

Now that mean's £90 for the pair of us! Now that's not spare money we have. We told him that and he said to ask MIL (hubby's mum) as she'd help.
We know full well she is absolutely skint and living on credit cards so we said no chance!
But he phoned her anyway and she agreed to as she wants us both there (as we knew she would if asked even though we know she can't afford it)

Now we are in a horrible situation.
We can't not go, but we can't let her pay and fair enough we can put it on our credit card but already know we aren't going to have enough money to pay it off at the end of the month!

I want to go slap BIL for putting us in this situation but hubby won't let me!

Help!

_Kate__2

Why can't you not go??

Seems the only (financial) solution.

Bexm

Because MIL will tell us we have to go as she will pay!
Believe me it will cause us a lot of grief!

19lottie82

If you can't afford it, just tell him you can't afford it and you don't feel comfortable asking your MIL to pay for you, especially as she is in the same boat.

Give someone who is going a card to give to your SIL with your best wishes and apologies. Then have a quiet word with her the next day and explain that although you wuld have loved to have been there, you just couldn't afford it.

Although I have a feeling you will just go anyway and spend money you don't have.

BlondeHeadOn

Sounds like one or both of you will have to develop a sudden and very nasty and infectious illness! Norovirus anyone?

That should get you out of it pretty sharpish....

Maybe you have visited a (mythical) friend in hospital this week, and have caught it from there...?..?...



e.t.a. I wouldn't usually suggest lying, but sometimes a white lie is the best policy, I find...

jess1974

These situations are a nightmare, my mother in law is always arranging expensive meals out, but does'nt realise that when you are a family of 5, any meal out costs a bloody fortune, its okay for the rest of the family as they are just couples so only have to pay for 2.....grrrrr

the_cat

Well tbh it is partly your fault that it has arisen in a way because you said yes to something without knowing what you were letting yourself in for and assumed the price.

With this in mind, I would pay on my credit card and cut back elsewhere (assuming there is this option within your budget obv). The interest on £90 over a month or so is galling and absolutely not something I would normally recommend, but not worth a huge rift with your family. Chalk it down to experience and move on

rhcp

Why not say you can't afford to go and instead invite them round to a birthday home cooked meal, maybe the following evening, so she effectively gets two separate birthday meals.

LEJC

Exactly the same sort of surprise party happened for us too...2 adults and our child...£90 to celebrate the birthday...and whist with hindsight it was a nice meal and evening we all enjoyed...it still makes cringe at the whole thing and wish I had had the guts to say no to the original request or at least have asked what the financial implication would have been...
Unfortunatley you are caught between the rock and the hard place on this one unless you really feel that by declining the invite it wont cause bad feelings...I didnt want to go to the party that we attended...but I also recognised that by not attending it it would deeply upset the relation involved...so reluctantly I handed over the money and we all went along...it has to be said though I did only take a card and no gift as I really felt the party was the gift from all...

Bexm

the_cat wrote: »

Well tbh it is partly your fault that it has arisen in a way because you said yes to something without knowing what you were letting yourself in for and assumed the price.

With this in mind, I would pay on my credit card and cut back elsewhere (assuming their is this option within your budget obv). The interest on £90 over a month or so is galling and absolutely not something I would normally recommend, but not worth a huge rift with your family. Chalk it down to experience and move on

That sound's about right! Although we know BIL very well and never in a million years thought he'd book something so expensive! Suppose I'm more annoyed at him than anything else, especially as he know's MIL is skint and that we haven't got much money as Hubby been off work sick for last yr.
We've been scrimping for months and managed to almost stay off the CC.
Shall prob grin and bear it and give BIL a slap when hubby not looking! :rotfl:
Family's are annoying!

fluffnutter

Bexm wrote: »

Because MIL will tell us we have to go as she will pay!
Believe me it will cause us a lot of grief!

Yeah, I get that. We often feel obliged to do things that we're not comfortable with simply because the fall-out is too much to contemplate.

You've got a number of options:

1. Don't go
2. Go and pay yourselves
3. Go and let your MIL pay
4. Ask your BIL to pay seeing as it's his idea, he already knows your skint.
5. Suggest somewhere else that's cheaper.

Taking each in reverse order..

5. I doubt this would work. Your BIL's probably put a fair bit of effort in and has his heart set on this particular location. Perhaps it's your SIL's favourite restaurant.
4. I doubt this would work. When you explained that you can't afford this, he suggested that you tap up your MIL. I can't believe the audacity of this, frankly. Nor can I believe that he's phoned her himself. If he's happy to push the problem to a woman who's not even his own family (although that would be bad enough), he's hardly the type to put his own hand in his pocket.
3. You're not going to be happy doing this, and nor should you be.
2. A possibility. Only you can know how much of a problem this would be.
1. Another possibility. Again, only you know how much fall-out this would cause.

I'd do either 1 or 2, but I'd also spend some time thinking about just how manipulated I'd been in this situation. It is totally unacceptable for him to suggest that your MIL pays for this. Frankly, your BIL sounds like an arse.