BIL put us in very awkward situation with birthday meal!

ladymarmalade

I agree with other posters really...not worth falling out over. you just need to work out the best solution for you and everyone involved.

I guess the lesson is to check details before agreeing to things. Perhaps this is a lost in translation situation....he has obviosuly been planning it and perhaps assumed that people knew the details and that since you had known for a couple of months would have put a bit aside...but of course he didn't tell you the details so you had no idea you would need to save for a birthday meal.

I would say bite the bullet and go (ensuring you can find a solution to the finance) but the next time something like this comes up...check the details before agreeing to go.

Hope it works out and that you have a nice time if you go.

tinktinktinkerbell

jackieb wrote: »

I don't understand why you're being invited out for a meal to celebrate your sister-in-laws birthday and you're having to pay for it. I think it's a bit cheeky. A bit like getting invited to a wedding and then getting a bill for the meal afterwards. If they want to celebrate, they should pay. Now if it was you who suggested taking her out for a meal for her birthday then she shouldn't have to pay.

If your BIL can't afford to pay for everyone's meals then he should just have went out for a quiet meal on their own. Everyone else could've arranged something in someone's house for her, and everybody could've brought in something to contribute towards it - be it food or drink.

so when i got everyone together for my 30th last year i should have paid for them all? :eek:

jackieb

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

so when i got everyone together for my 30th last year i should have paid for them all? :eek:

If you'd invited them out because it was your 30th, then I think you should have. If it was just a meal out with friends, no special occasion, then no. If they'd invited you, then you shouldn't have to pay.

I've never been invited to a meal, be it a retirement, or a special birthday, or an anniversary, and had to pay anything. Except my parents anniversary where we (the family) had arranged it, so we split it all between us (parents didn't pay).

tinktinktinkerbell

jackieb wrote: »

If you'd invited them out because it was your 30th, then I think you should have. If it was just a meal out with friends, no special occasion, then no. If they'd invited you, then you shouldn't have to pay.

I've never been invited to a meal, be it a retirement, or a special birthday, or an anniversary, and had to pay anything. Except my parents anniversary where we (the family) had arranged it, so we split it all between us (parents didn't pay).

bloody hell its amazing to find how different people live

ive always paid my way when going out for a meal, only time i didnt was when we went to OHs dads retirement meal and the meal was paid for by OH and his two siblings

bday meals though i have always paid my own way as has everyone whether they were invited or the invitee

in fact i dont know anyone who does it your way

ladymarmalade

jackieb wrote: »

If you'd invited them out because it was your 30th, then I think you should have. If it was just a meal out with friends, no special occasion, then no. If they'd invited you, then you shouldn't have to pay.

I've never been invited to a meal, be it a retirement, or a special birthday, or an anniversary, and had to pay anything. Except my parents anniversary where we (the family) had arranged it, so we split it all between us (parents didn't pay).

Then you are very lucky! I have been to lots and lots of birthday meals and tho only ones when I haven't had to pay for my own meal were the ones hosted by older/richer relatives. My averages friends in their 20s would never be able to afford meals for our friendship group...but a meal out is the obvious choice for us as we are all foodies! I myself at 24 and in the first year of my career would not be able to pay for a meal for my friends and family, so does that mean I am resigned to only being able to have a birthday dinner why my OH?

tinktinktinkerbell

ladymarmalade wrote: »

Then you are very lucky! I have been to lots and lots of birthday meals and tho only ones when I haven't had to pay for my own meal were the ones hosted by older/richer relatives. My averages friends in their 20s would never be able to afford meals for our friendship group...but a meal out is the obvious choice for us as we are all foodies! I myself at 24 and in the first year of my career would not be able to pay for a meal for my friends and family, so does that mean I am resigned to only being able to have a birthday dinner why my OH?

oh thank god lol i thought i was the only one

why should i have to pay for them all just because i invite them, its not like its a date with a guy

if i invited my family to the cinema i wouldnt pay for them all so why should i for a meal

Person_one

The 'rule' technically is that whoever does the inviting should do the paying, and they should pick a restaurant/event that they can afford in order to do so.

If you had a 30th party in a function room and put on a buffet you wouldn't charge people for a ticket, would you?

tinktinktinkerbell

Person_one wrote: »

The 'rule' technically is that whoever does the inviting should do the paying, and they should pick a restaurant/event that they can afford in order to do so.

If you had a 30th party in a function room and put on a buffet you wouldn't charge people for a ticket, would you?

no but my family are the type to chip in with the food IE i would make the sausage rolls, my sister would do the sandwiches, my sister in law some pies etc etc

thats just how my family roll

oh does that mean that if i was to go to the pub for my friends birthday on sat that i can expect her to pay? :rotfl:

jackieb

I must be lucky then. But I wouldn't dream of asking anybody out for a meal for my birthday and expect them to pay for themselves. Usually if it's someone's birthday here, the person whose birthday it is will be asked out and the others will all club together so the the birthday girl doesn't pay for her own.

Person_one

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

no but my family are the type to chip in with the food IE i would make the sausage rolls, my sister would do the sandwiches, my sister in law some pies etc etc

thats just how my family roll

oh does that mean that if i was to go to the pub for my friends birthday on sat that i can expect her to pay? :rotfl:

It depends on the invitation generally.

If someone says "I'm having my birthday party here, on X date at Y time, will you come?" then they should really be paying.

If they say, "I'd love to get together on my birthday if you can, where do you fancy going?" that's more casual.

(I presume you'd invite more people to the party than helped with the food, or you'd either have too few guests or far too much food!)