BIL put us in very awkward situation with birthday meal!

jackieb

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

no but my family are the type to chip in with the food IE i would make the sausage rolls, my sister would do the sandwiches, my sister in law some pies etc etc

thats just how my family roll

But that's different from being asked out to a restuarant for a meal. We chip in with food too if it's a home affair.

tinktinktinkerbell

jackieb wrote: »

But that's different from being asked out to a restuarant for a meal. We chip in with food too if it's a home affair.

no one mentioned a home affair, a party at a function room was being discussed

jackieb

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

no one mentioned a home affair, a party at a function room was being discussed

I'm sorry. I'll butt out.

Never been to one of those where the food wasn't laid on though.

tinktinktinkerbell

jackieb wrote: »

I'm sorry. I'll butt out.

Never been to one of those where the food wasn't laid on though.

if this is the way people lived them im owed loads of money :rotfl::rotfl:

better make sure i dont ask OH if he wants to go for a meal somewhere, i might end up paying :eek: :rotfl:

Person_one

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

if this is the way people lived them im owed loads of money :rotfl::rotfl:

You can't be saying you go to parties at function and expect to either pay for the buffet or bring a bit yourself?

Its completely normal if you're throwing a party to provide food for your guests, its certainly not a 'how the other half live' thing!

tinktinktinkerbell

Person_one wrote: »

You can't be saying you go to parties at function and expect to either pay for the buffet or bring a bit yourself?

Its completely normal if you're throwing a party to provide food for your guests, its certainly not a 'how the other half live' thing!

as ive said when there is a family party or one involving my sisters friends food is usually provided by everyone, we each make and bring something

i didnt mean that though, i meant for all the birthday meals ive been invited to and had to pay for myself, im owed a fortune :rotfl:

DylanO

Person_one wrote: »

The 'rule' technically is that whoever does the inviting should do the paying, and they should pick a restaurant/event that they can afford in order to do so.

If you had a 30th party in a function room and put on a buffet you wouldn't charge people for a ticket, would you?

I don't think that rule holds true anymore. I think it's a generational thing.

Whenever my friends and I go for a meal, we always split the costs between us - depending on the different groups thats either everyone paying for what they have had, or the entire bill split evenly. That's every meal, from a catch-up over lunch or dinner to a birthday meal. For us, it's no different than when we go out for drinks - the person inviting doesn't pay for us all, and we never do rounds.

Person_one

DylanO wrote: »

I don't think that rule holds true anymore. I think it's a generational thing.

Whenever my friends and I go for a meal, we always split the costs between us - depending on the different groups thats either everyone paying for what they have had, or the entire bill split evenly. That's every meal, from a catch-up over lunch or dinner to a birthday meal. For us, it's no different than when we go out for drinks - the person inviting doesn't pay for us all, and we never do rounds.

I did say technically, and I'm not as old as you think I am.

The rule still seems to hold in lots of situations, but has been abandoned for restaurants, which is interesting actually. Most people would never dream of charging a fee for the food provided at a wedding at a hotel or a 21st, a 40th or a retirement do held in a function room or a housewarming party at your own home, but are happy to let their invitees pay for themselves if the venue shifts to a restaurant.

jackieb

I'm holding a surprise birthday dinner next month for my husband at our favorite restaurant. I invited three other couples — am I expected to foot the entire bill, or is it OK to ask everyone to split it?
Answer
The Etiquette Verdict: When you're the host, you pay the bill. Since you've already invited the others to the birthday party, expect to pick up the tab for this.

Read more: Who Pays for Dinner Etiquette - Peggy Post Etiquette - Good Housekeeping

................

DylanO

Person_one wrote: »

I did say technically, and I'm not as old as you think I am.

The rule still seems to hold in lots of situations, but has been abandoned for restaurants, which is interesting actually. Most people would never dream of charging a fee for the food provided at a wedding at a hotel or a 21st, a 40th or a retirement do held in a function room or a housewarming party at your own home, but are happy to let their invitees pay for themselves if the venue shifts to a restaurant.

I think a restaurant is just an extension of a night out in a club - the person organising wouldn't be expected to buy everyone's drinks - so why would they be expected to pay for everyone's food?

I do think it's a generational difference - my friends and I eat out a lot more than even my older cousin's generation did.

When we've had house parties we all bring drinks ourselves and share them out - the host doesn't provide them all - some, but not enough for everyone. When my parents have a party - they provide more than enough for all guests - but they're older and they have much more money to be able to do that.