6 year relationship - girlie advice request

Little_Ole_Me · 12 March 2012 at 1:03AM

Hi there

I know it is normal for romance to fade slightly when in a long relationship/marriage, but how much does it fade?

After six years, me and my hubby are lucky if we 'get it on':D once a month these days, and it is always me initiating it. Then again, thinking about it, it always was me initiating 99% of the time.Does this mean he has gone off me?

I know s*ex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship, but without it, we might as well be living as flat mates!

I don't mean to put my husband down, he is a wonderful man, who works very long hours, so not slating him in any way, but wondered girls, is this normal? We are both pretty young and healthy people.

I remember reading somewhere, that the average british couple are at it three times a week:eek: - which really makes me feel a bit

.

minnie123 · 12 March 2012 at 1:06AM

Well I suppose every one is different but I have been with my BF for 11 years and it's still about 2/3 times a week and we have a 3 year old so are tired a lot. Have you got kids?

LandyAndy · 12 March 2012 at 1:17AM

minnie123 wrote: »

Well I suppose every one is different but I have been with my BF for 11 years and it's still about 2/3 times a week and we have a 3 year old so are tired a lot. Have you got kids?

Is that a frequency you are both happy with?

LandyAndy · 12 March 2012 at 1:19AM

Little_Ole_Me wrote: »

I know s*ex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship, but without it, we might as well be living as flat mates!

You are right. It isn't. You can be affectionate without having sex. Is your relationship an affectionate one?

minnie123 · 12 March 2012 at 1:20AM

LandyAndy wrote: »

Is that a frequency you are both happy with?

Yes unless he is not telling me something. What makes you ask that out of interest?

Little_Ole_Me · 12 March 2012 at 1:50AM

minnie123 wrote: »

Well I suppose every one is different but I have been with my BF for 11 years and it's still about 2/3 times a week and we have a 3 year old so are tired a lot. Have you got kids?

Wow, 2/3 times a week, and you have a small child..

We don't have any kids, so we don't even have kids as an excuse!

I'm starting to think there is something quite wrong here:(

Little_Ole_Me · 12 March 2012 at 1:55AM

LandyAndy wrote: »

You are right. It isn't. You can be affectionate without having sex. Is your relationship an affectionate one?

Well, that's another thing - the affection. We always used to cuddle in bed, (weather it lead to something further or not) we always had at least a ten minute cuddle before going to sleep - it was a routine.

The last couple of months there have been a few occasions where he has just got in bed, and faced in the opposite direction without even a peck on the cheek. Tonight was yet another of those occasions - I got back out of bed a while later, as was trying to fathom things out.

Like I said, he works hard, but some of these occasions have been on weekends when he hasn't worked, so he cant ALWAYS be using tiredness as an excuse.

He works approx same hours as me, and is in his late 20's.

In affectionate situations, it is 99% of the time ME who does the instigating, weather it is hand holding, or s*ex -99% of the time it is me that instigates it, reaches for his hand or whatever.

I know sex isnt the be all and end all, but Im not quite ready for a practically sexless relationship at this point in my life

Little_Ole_Me · 12 March 2012 at 1:57AM

LandyAndy wrote: »

Is that a frequency you are both happy with?

Hmm that is a strange question to be asking Minnie to be honest, Andy.

wapow · 12 March 2012 at 1:58AM

Little_Ole_Me wrote: »

Wow, 2/3 times a week, and you have a small child..
We don't have any kids, so we don't even have kids as an excuse!
I'm starting to think there is something quite wrong here

You sound like youre thinking he may have another interest. An interest that isnt you.

There could be a number of things at play.

He may not have the drive and therefore not in the mood. He might not feel confident about this which is affecting him more and therefore he wont initiate. It can be very embarassing for men and tough to talk about.

The fact that you cant communicate your concerns with HIM; do you think thats a good thing?

You are perfectly in your means to have your desires met. Sex may not be all end all but it is an integral part of the relationship and signifies a healthy happy relationship.

You really need to start talking to him and find out what it is thats getting him down because i just read your other post and you say it is always you initiating and he doesnt show much care and want and need.

There is a problem here. But dont jump to him being with someone as of yet. Talk about it and see what happens. Does he not communicate? Does he get angry? Etc.

Finally - Routine in affection can get boring. Its always a good idea to mix things up. However it takes the two of you to do this.

Hope this helps.

Little_Ole_Me · 12 March 2012 at 2:00AM

OMG according to the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey -- Sexual Satisfaction (2010) - those over age 65 are having sex once a week.

These people in the survey have nearly 30 years on me..

The more I look into it, the more I think he HAS gone off me. Something clearly isnt right, but how to broach the subject?

Torry_Quine · 12 March 2012 at 2:02AM

I think the only person who can answer your questions is your husband himself. We can all speculate as much as we want but can't tell you why this is happening or not.