6 year relationship - girlie advice request

euronorris

benb76 wrote: »

You make it sound like it's a chore for you and that you don't appreciate being desired in a physical way!

Equally, being told that 4/5 times a week isn't enough, when you've already put in the extra effort to do it more than you desire makes you feel unappreciated and like nothing more than a sex object, instead of a partner.

This is one of those issues where I feel it is very, very easy for either one, or both, partners to focus too much on how they feel. Which is annoying, because, if you switch and start to try and focus on how the other person feels you can both more easily see what you can do to improve things.

benb76

I love it when my missis treats me like a sex object.

euronorris

benb76 wrote: »

I love it when my missis treats me like a sex object.

That's great. And you may even like to feel like that all the time. I don't. Everyone's different.

benb76

I think I might end up getting banned if I continue to post on this thread! x

hazyjo

euronorris wrote: »

I really don't think that is true. I am the one with the lower drive in our relationship. We're still at it very frequently (I feel). About 4/5 times a week, but OH would do it 3/4 times a day if he could! And I would be happier with 2/3 times a week.

It's always been like that. I've always been like this. And I don't consider my drive to be low. I do, however, consider his to be very high. So we compromise, and meet in the middle.

It can be a challenge at times though. We're both very stressed at the moment, and react in opposite ways (his drive goes up and mine goes down). So, again, we're just talking and having to compromise with each other about it.

I've learnt to initiate it more, as that was really bugging OH, and he's learnt to not pressure me about it (nothing worse than pressure in this situation - it's a sure fire way to ensure my libido drops even further).

And, of course, having some relaxing holiday time together can really help. When you're both feeling relaxed and stress free, it's much better.

OP - I'm often still tired at the weekends. Not physically perhaps, but mentally and emotionally. Especially at the moment. So please don't dismiss that as just an excuse. Instead, ask him what you can do to help him feel less tired.

All have different views. Just speaking from personal experience - I have had incredibly passionate relationships because it's either so damn good, or we just fancy the pants off each other! Others are more just 'acceptable' and the passion isn't there like that, or more about it being a nice intimate important part of a relationship, and once a week's fine! Yep, I like it, but I did definitely react differently/have a different sex drive with different people.

Jx

euronorris

Mmmm, the only person I've ever had a dramatically lower drive with, was lovely, but I wasn't really attracted to him at all. I wanted to be, because he was such a nice bloke and at that point in my life, I'd had more than my fair share of d* ckheads. But.....I knew it wasn't right from the get go (it was pretty difficult to avoid to be honest), and ended things after a few months. It wasn't fair to either of us.

With everyone else, the drive has been pretty much the same. There are some differences, of course, but I can attribute those to other things (I was younger, I had less stress at the time, I had more stress at the time etc etc).

savingmummy

I havent read through all the replies so sorry if i go and repeat someone elses comments.

Firstly everyone is different, as is every couple!
Some people do change after years of being with them, it can be routine that starts to make things lessen.
No 2 couples are the same so don`t feel because X does it everyday and you dont there is something wrong!!

There are a lot of causes for things to fade out.
Boredom, stress, tiredness,.
If your not getting along and its causing you to sleep on the sofa then there is an issue here. He sounds as if his worried or anxious.

I have been married 8 yrs, together 15yrs and we have 2 children under 5 and have a very active relationship, BUT i have friends who have similar life who don`t and for no reasons other then `oh we dont do it that match anymore`.
Only this morning i was talking to 2 close friends, friend A is almost daily with her husband and they have 4 boys youngest 3 oldest 10!!
Friend B has 1 child and is a 1 every month or so as she isnt interested.

savingmummy

Dunroamin wrote: »

I think that anything's a problem in a relationship when it becomes a matterof routine.

I have to agree! Also its routines that cause boredom!
Me and my friend A were saying this we often dont know when its about to happen:rotfl: could be washing up or even doing chores LOL!
BUT my friend B said `oh no we lock up turn light s off go to bed and its the same ol thing`. In 5yrs marriage/10yr relationship they have never had spontaneous intercourse and she is now bored! She has told him this and talked about what she would like but as yet he hasnt attempted to change a thing!

euronorris

I think a certain amount of routine is necessary in a relationship to be honest. But.....it should still be open to spontaneous changes/mix ups, IYSWIM.

For example, OH and I always share a kiss when we get home, and then have a good natter about our days. That's our routine, and we both benefit from it greatly. However, we are also fine with sometimes just coming home with a bottle of wine, and sticking a movie on first instead.

Too much routine is boring. Too much spontanaeity is exhausting! There should be a middle ground, I feel.

savingmummy

euronorris wrote: »

I think a certain amount of routine is necessary in a relationship to be honest. But.....it should still be open to spontaneous changes/mix ups, IYSWIM.

For example, OH and I always share a kiss when we get home, and then have a good natter about our days. That's our routine, and we both benefit from it greatly. However, we are also fine with sometimes just coming home with a bottle of wine, and sticking a movie on first instead.

Too much routine is boring. Too much spontanaeity is exhausting! There should be a middle ground, I feel.

Yes of course kiss before off to work, kiss before sleep maybe the odd routine cuddle of a night watching eastenders:rotfl:
I meant sexually to have a routine where you know whats coming and whats happening next so to speak isnt good if done everytime.