6 year relationship - girlie advice request

benb76

tea_lover wrote: »

There's no 'magic number'. Some young couples with no kids will be getting down to it twice a day, some once a month - there's no wrong or right. It's only a problem if one of both of them are not happy with it.

Claiming there must be a problem for a couple to have sex once a month is a) wrong and b) not helpful.

You could be right, and it may just be that my own experience of having sex several times a week in every relationship I've been in is unusual.

However, my opinion is that us men are biologically programmed to pass on our genes, which generally means being up for it a few times a week. So when a man is only up for it once a month, and isn't even initiating it, then I'd say that there is an underlying issue that could be related to stress, drink, drugs or lack of exercise. I'd go so far as saying that it' a medical symptom that shouldn't be ignored.

YoungBaker

As someone has already said we can all sit and speculate here, but really the issue is you need to bring this up with him and get it out in the open so you can find out what is going on.

Whether or not you may embaress him is irrelevant - after 6 years in a relationship you should be able to approach him with concerns and if you are having sex so minimal and not getting much affection I think it's fair game for you to raise that.

That being said you don't need to go in attacking him or blaming him for it - as someone said just bring up how you are missing the affection and would be nice if maybe he could initiate things sometimes to make you feel a bit more wanted... and then maybe even ask him if he is happy with your sex life or would ever like a bit more?

One way to try and revive it could even be to set some time asides for yourselves where no work/mobiles/family etc. is allowed to interfere! Even get yourself a cheap groupon deal for a hotel break since your both saving? Or if you really can't afford it basically lock yourselves in at home for the weekend and rediscover yourselves... a romantic meal, bath for two, massage etc.

Life certainly can get in the way of sex and intimacy after such a long time so try not worry too much.

suki1001

benb76 wrote: »

You could be right, and it may just be that my own experience of having sex several times a week in every relationship I've been in is unusual.

However, my opinion is that us men are biologically programmed to pass on our genes, which generally means being up for it a few times a week. So when a man is only up for it once a month, and isn't even initiating it, then I'd say that there is an underlying issue that could be related to stress, drink, drugs or lack of exercise. I'd go so far as saying that it' a medical symptom that shouldn't be ignored.

Phew, you must be exhausting to live with!

suki1001

Little ol me:

I think what's really important is quality, not quantity. Sometimes your lifestyle can get in the way of the bedroom stuff. So don't nag, just ask. I wouldn't try the cuddles approad. I'd just be direct:

"I'm concerned we don't have sex that often anymore, is there something bothering you?"

FYI I don't think all men do have high sex drives. Because it is perceived they should, we think there is something terribly wrong. He might be a bit depressed or feeling low.

As others have said, don't listen to how often others are having sex. Do investigate it if it does bother you though.

benb76

suki1001 wrote: »

Phew, you must be exhausting to live with!

Well maybe ;-) I'll admit that I tend to always go for women who are as active and sporty as myself, so maybe no coincidence that their sex drives have been as equally high as mine.

rachie_2011

Little_Ole_Me wrote: »

Hmm that is a strange question to be asking Minnie to be honest, Andy.

I don't find that an odd question to ask, it shouldn't be taken personally (just in case it has)!

You'll find that in a large number of relationships, one partner's need is greater than the others.

psychopathbabble

I am on the other side of this (girl not wanting much of it with the guy) so be prepared for him to be defensive at first when you do talk to him, but remain calm and don't let it escalate to a row. When my OH asks me about it, I get all defensive and I know I am but can't help it!

Hope you get something resolved

hazyjo

psychopathbabble wrote: »

I am on the other side of this (girl not wanting much of it with the guy) so be prepared for him to be defensive at first when you do talk to him, but remain calm and don't let it escalate to a row. When my OH asks me about it, I get all defensive and I know I am but can't help it!

Hope you get something resolved

Is there a 'reason' as such with you? Might be helpful to know if it's whether you've gone off them in that way, if it was ever there to start with, if you've never really been big on it, or if it's something else... Hope not too personal to ask, but it'd be interesting to hear it from your perspective. Oh, and has it improved/become more frequent since 'the talk/s'? I really just believe that you're like it with some people, but not with others!

Jx

piglet74

benb76 wrote: »

I think that for any couple to have sex only once a month indicates something isn't right.QUOTE]

aint nothing wrong with our relationship other than one works days, and one works nights / out of the country, we can go weeks without even being in the same bed at the same time!

londonsurrey

His personal issues aside, have you tried enriching your repertoire? I took up belly dancing for my personal satisfaction, am still a beginner, but there are a couple of VERY simple moves that always seem to leave my paramour goggle eyed!