6 year relationship - girlie advice request

Little_Ole_Me

wapow wrote: »

You sound like youre thinking he may have another interest. An interest that isnt you.

There could be a number of things at play.

He may not have the drive and therefore not in the mood. He might not feel confident about this which is affecting him more and therefore he wont initiate. It can be very embarassing for men and tough to talk about.

The fact that you cant communicate your concerns with HIM; do you think thats a good thing?

I don't think he has another interest, at all. Just that he isn't interested in ME.

It does need to be spoken about certainly, but not really sure how to bring it up, without somehow embarrasing him - as you say it is hard for me to talk about. How can I bring it up without seeming to damage his self esteem, or make him feel bad somehow?

Little_Ole_Me

I think I need to tread carefully as I do not want to seem like im having a bash at him

Torry_Quine

Little_Ole_Me wrote: »

I don't think he has another interest, at all. Just that he isn't interested in ME.

It does need to be spoken about certainly, but not really sure how to bring it up, without somehow embarrasing him - as you say it is hard for me to talk about. How can I bring it up without seeming to damage his self esteem, or make him feel bad somehow?

Something along the lines of ' I miss our cuddles at night, is there anything bothering you I can help with?'

Little_Ole_Me

wapow wrote: »

You sound like youre thinking he may have another interest. An interest that isnt you.

There could be a number of things at play.

He may not have the drive and therefore not in the mood. He might not feel confident about this which is affecting him more and therefore he wont initiate. It can be very embarassing for men and tough to talk about.

The fact that you cant communicate your concerns with HIM; do you think thats a good thing?

You are perfectly in your means to have your desires met. Sex may not be all end all but it is an integral part of the relationship and signifies a healthy happy relationship.

You really need to start talking to him and find out what it is thats getting him down because i just read your other post and you say it is always you initiating and he doesnt show much care and want and need.

There is a problem here. But dont jump to him being with someone as of yet. Talk about it and see what happens. Does he not communicate? Does he get angry? Etc.

Finally - Routine in affection can get boring. Its always a good idea to mix things up. However it takes the two of you to do this.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for that

Little_Ole_Me

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Something along the lines of ' I miss our cuddles at night, is there anything bothering you I can help with?'

Ahh good opener. I certainly try it, thanks Torry

wapow

How can I bring it up without seeming to damage his self esteem, or make him feel bad somehow?

Before i suggest, can i ask you when was the last time the two of you did something together that you both enjoyed please?

Little_Ole_Me

wapow wrote: »

Before i suggest, can i ask you when was the last time the two of you did something together that you both enjoyed please?

OOOOOOOoooooo now thats a good question. If we are talking 'doing stuff outside the house' kind of things, probably about a month ago (we are saving the pennies). However we have done things at home this weekend that we both enjoyed, such as watch a dvd, and play a game

wapow

However we have done things at home this weekend that we both enjoyed, such as watch a dvd, and play a game

Would i be correct in saying that it was you that chose the DVD and it was you that chose the game?

Can i also ask whether he was engaged in the activity or did he seem distant?

What happened after you played your game? Did you guys talk or just sit back?

Im being a bit probing but im trying to get a better idea here of this relationship so i hope you dont mind answering.

Gavin83

Can I ask how often you used to have sex at the start of the relationship? You say you've always been the one thats initiated it, does this mean that your initiating it less these days? Why is this?

atrixblue.-MFR-.

depression can have adverse affect on a mans labido, is work bothering him in anyway?

has something recently happened in his family thats come as a shock? and now he's worrying about them?

as a male i find doing the same thing in routine frustrating! boring and offputting at times.

is he worrying about you!? us men can be a bit dippy and think wierd!

you say your saving the pennies, is money tight due to debt? and mounting pressures to pay things back (thats a retoricle question BTW something for you to think about).

as a man i used to like talking about work when i got home, my partner would listen and give me some input back but it felt a problem shared a problem halved for me and some weight off my shoulders to know i got the support and backing of family at home and my partner made me feel at ease and less likely to dwell on things.

does friends often visit? at times he wishes they dont? having friends come over for long periods day in day out can make you feel your living in someone elses life taking on their problems, worrys and foes can be stress full and even though you both are together in the same flat its not really spending time together as a couple.

me and my partners friends visit daily, but theres a cut off point, theres nothing worse than having your friend(s) practically living in your pockets can feel restrictive and feel ganged up on if he disagree on something and you both agree.

communicating is key to a relationship also, talking about you and him what you both like, dislike and wish to do and happen.