Poll - Did you have a good mother?

sparrer

Had to answer not good not bad as although my mother was a career woman who wasn't interested in children we never went without food, clothes, warmth, holidays. But she didn't take time off if I was sick (I spent 2 weeks at home alone with chickenpox at the age of 10), there just wasn't any love and affection, she was incapable of giving anything of herself. When I had my children she would literally stand with a dustpan and brush if they ate anything in her home. She's now 90 and still the same, financially generous to the immediate family but she gives nothing of herself as a person. I feel sorry for her, she's missed out on so much when she could have enjoyed her children and grandchildren. They say you bring you children up the opposite way to your own upbringing - I am completely the opposite, my family have always come first and always will.

catch_me_if_you_can

My mother constantly belittled me, refused to let me go to grammar school as my elder brother and sister didn't pass the 11+ so "how would they feel if you went" then refused to let me go to college at 16 and made me go to work instead. And then give her 50% of my salary as keep.

She told lies to my boyfriend to break us up, (didn't work) then when eventually I divorced him, she has made him welcome in her house and I am persona non-grata. To the end that she invited him to my Dad's 80th birthday meal (which all the family went to) and I was told "we're not doing anything as Dad's so frail"

I have no emotion for the sad woman.

joolsybools

catch_me_if_you_can wrote: »

My mother constantly belittled me, refused to let me go to grammar school as my elder brother and sister didn't pass the 11+ so "how would they feel if you went" then refused to let me go to college at 16 and made me go to work instead. And then give her 50% of my salary as keep.

She told lies to my boyfriend to break us up, (didn't work) then when eventually I divorced him, she has made him welcome in her house and I am persona non-grata. To the end that she invited him to my Dad's 80th birthday meal (which all the family went to) and I was told "we're not doing anything as Dad's so frail"

I have no emotion for the sad woman.

What an awful woman, I feel for you (although mine is not much better).

Triangle

My mum was a wonderful mum when I was a child and is a wonderful friend now I'm an adult. When I was a teenager, I had one friend whose mum was her best friend and would get drunk with her, smoke with her, etc. At the time I was a tad jealous - now I am so thankful my mum was a parent to me; loving, supportive but with clear boundaires.

notakid

I have a great Mom. She was always there for my sister and I and looked after her grandchildren as well. She has constantly stood up for us and loved us.

Once I asked her if she loved us more than our father and she replied that while we were young and needed her, yes, but once we had grown and got our own familys, no.

I've probably overlooked her on many an important occasion because she has always been "there" so seemed undeserving of special treatment.:(

Tho she isn't perfect when we were little she had a horrible temper and used to chase us round with a big stick and threaten to beat us.:eek: I did hold a grudge about that when I grew into a teenager and we often had running battles but she was always constant reassuring loving presence.

motherofstudents

I find it really sad that so many people have had to answer no. My mum died 10 months ago and I miss her every day. We were very close so Mother's day will be tinged with sadness for me but also full of the happiness of having her as my mum. I wish everyone could have that.

tinktinktinkerbell

yes, i had a fantastic mam, she sadly died in 2010 though and i miss her every day

Tiddlywinks

Don't we all need to remember that mums are only human and so will have all of the failings that any one of us can have.

You don't need to pass an exam or get permission to reproduce and society has all these big exectations of how wonderful you should be... scary really... so much to live up to! Little lives in your hands and the chance to really screw up and hurt someone in a way that could blight their lives forever.

It's like the line from that song by Savage Garden, Affirmation: "I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do".

JBD

I loved my Mum, she was a pretty good Mum on the whole. However that didn't make for a happy family life as my Dad wasn't a good Dad and he was the dominant personality in the household.
[I'm speaking in the past tense as both my parents are dead now].

Just_Plain_Jane

daska wrote: »

I voted no on the basis that mum died last year and while my sister will be in bits at the very mention of her I find her not being around very much more enjoyable than when we had to put up with her.

This ^^^. My mother was petty, selfish, critical, jealous, shallow, self-absorbed, secretive and had no communication skills whatsoever. My sister was in pieces when she died, but by then I'd accepted she wasn't the person I wanted her to be and was relieved to see the back of her.

I felt and still feel very liberated. I'm still realising all the small ways in which she got inside my head and limited me.