Poll - Did you have a good mother?

happyhaddock_2

Saidan, I had to reply to you. My mum is also a narcissist and has made mine and my sisters lives hell (there's a big thread on here smewhere started by me ). People who have never been victim to it think you're being unkind and you should 'do your duty' but its self preservation really x

sarymclary

Another no from me too.

Youngest of 4 children, and most definitely a big mistake. I was told, on more than one occasion that I should have been a 3 bedroom bungalow, and I ruined her dreams! Having been 17 when she was pregnant with my eldest sibling, but 36 with me (my dad almost 40) they really weren't interested in starting parenting again. I know my eldest 2 siblings cared for me from my birth, until they both left home 2.5yrs later, when my parents chose to relocate to another town, and they chose to stay behind.

It was the late 60's early 70's, and my parents seemed to be in another phase in their lives, which involved lots of partying, both working, and me (and my closest in age sibling 5 yrs older) being left with random 'babysitters' who often were quite abusive and uncaring, which made my pre-school years rather scary. School became my sanctuary, and I often had mum-crushes on my teachers, wishing I could go home with them (god, I sound like Matilda in the Roald Dahl book!).

My childhood consisted of a self-obsessed mother, interested only in maintaining glamorous looks, and flirting openly with any man that took her fancy, even if it was under my weak father's nose. They both took jobs involving working shifts, which meant I got myself up in the morning, came home to an empty house (backdoor key hung on string around my neck), feeding myself, waiting for someone to come home, more often than not my sister, not one of our parents.

School holidays were spent cleaning the house from top to bottom, not being allowed to go out to play, or worse still, being shrieked back into the house to do chores. Humiliating highlight was the kids in the street voting for the worst mum in the street, and mine won, unanimously!! Oh the shame. I was a bright, interested kid, asking lots of questions, keen to learn, and my dad did his best, and when he was around was patient with me, but he was hardly there. My mother, being quite thick, was only interested in film stars and fashion, which I wasn't, she found me irritating, and considered my inquisitive nature to be naughty, so I was punished at every opportunity to she got. She hit me daily, often for no reason, but mainly because I was there. Even my older sister never understood it. I'm not sure why she did it, but I can only guess she was taking out some kind of frustration or anger on me?

As I grew older she simply became more bitter & twisted, stealing things from my room when I was at work, denying it when I confronted her wearing my clothes and shoes, and stating defiantly that they were her's! Everything I did she criticised, when I met my husband, I think I was so desperate to escape my homelife, that it influenced my decision to accept a marriage proposal after 14 days dating. I moved out within 3 months, married within 1 yr. She tried very hard to control and ruin my wedding, but it was only after I burst into tears at a family meeting about arrangements, that my fiance stood his ground, and stood up to them on my behalf. The fact that I married into another controlling relationship is beside the by.

When I had my first child, she criticised me for breastfeeding, said I shouldn't feed on demand, and said I should start potty training at 6 weeks old. She would grab my baby off of me, and the last straw was her throwing him in the air and dropping him on a ceramic topped table. After a major family dispute, I saw it as a perfect opportunity to sever my ties, and I stopped having contact with my parents 18 years ago. My father has since died, but I didn't attend his funeral, as I couldn't forgive him for standing by and letting her abuse me for so many years.

She is still alive, housebound, lonely, reliant on carers, but still dictating to my older siblings, making them jump through hoops to meet her demands. I'm sure they think I'm a completely hard cow for not seeing her, especially now she is in her declining years and disabled, but that doesn't detract away from how badly she behaved towards me. I stopped contact as much to protect myself, as to protect my children from having to be subjected to her too. I accept my older siblings had a very different parenting experience from our parents, who were younger and more enthusiastic, and keen to play a more structured parenting role. I pretty much raised myself, taught myself to cook as a child, but I also think it is what led to me having issues with over-eating, but I believe food was my way of comforting and caring for myself.

I am surprised that so many other contributors have had negative experiences, but perhaps they were more drawn to the thread than others?

I have most definitely been a completely different parent to my own 4 children, giving up a good career to be a SAHM, proud to say I've attended every assembly, nativity, parents evening, show, sports day, etc. I lost out financially, haven't had the 3 annual holidays abroad my parents had (2 in 20yrs for me), but I can say I have given them all of me. I am so proud of all my children, and they are most certainly the highlight of my life.

Sorry about the ramble... I considered going back and shortening it, but thought, nah, if they're not interested reading, they'll skip the post!:rotfl:

happyhaddock_2

Don't shorten it sarymclary xx

SingleSue

I voted yes.

My mum and I would battle constantly when I was a child but that was more to do with my independent and strong willed streak but even though I could be a handful, she never gave up on me, was always willing to be there to pick up the pieces from my sometimes eek choices and was never a "I told you so" sort of mum.

She did put pressure on me as a student and expressed disappointment in my exam results which narked me somewhat, especially bearing in mind I had outscored both my siblings combined (they left with one low grade CSE each, I had a fair few high grade O levels) but that was because she knew how bright I was, I basically did not reach my potential due to the distraction of other things.

As an adult, she has been wonderful. We get along great (as long as we don't discuss articles in the Daily Mail :rotfl:) and has come into her own as a nan to 2 autistic children. She is just so intuitive, open to ideas on different parenting techiques, so calm and accepting of their disabilities and of course, because she is like that, the boys respond to her very well and has been rewarded with the very rare cuddles the boys give.

To be honest, I couldnt ask for a better mum.