Poll - Did you have a good mother?

balletshoes

see this is what I struggle with - dizziblonde your post has highlighted for me - you can see the way your mother has behaved towards you as a child was wrong, you can see the way she treats you now is wrong. But yet you think its not her fault.
Can you imagine treating your own child like that? If you can't imagine it, and if you will fight any slightest impulse you have to make your daughter feel anything less than treasured, safe and secure in her home life, why wouldn't your Mum? Why wouldn't she take that same path in life, that same responsibility that I'm sure you will do your utmost to take. And as she hasn't taken that responsibility on during your life, how is that not your Mum's fault?

dizziblonde

balletshoes wrote: »

see this is what I struggle with - dizziblonde your post has highlighted for me - you can see the way your mother has behaved towards you as a child was wrong, you can see the way she treats you now is wrong. But yet you think its not her fault.
Can you imagine treating your own child like that? If you can't imagine it, and if you will fight any slightest impulse you have to make your daughter feel anything less than treasured, safe and secure in her home life, why wouldn't your Mum? Why wouldn't she take that same path in life, that same responsibility that I'm sure you will do your utmost to take. And as she hasn't taken that responsibility on during your life, how is that not your Mum's fault?

Way I see it is - what good would sitting there blaming her do? I know a lot of the childhood she grew up with - a mentally ill mother herself (we think these days she'd be diagnosed bipolar), an alcoholic father... regularly told lies that her mother was dying etc etc... she didn't have much of a role model really and all the women of my mum's generation in the family have "interesting" approaches to motherhood - one sibling has OCD, another walked out on her eldest daughter and my mother's just done what she thought was right to make sure I "bettered" myself... and I think now at least she realises she put a bit too much pressure on to me academically at least (I got fined for any Cs I got in my GCSEs for example - I got one and sobbed my heart out!).. she can't quite connect that how hard she pushed me is the reason I became the highly strung person she resents and gets exasperated by - I don't think she'll ever make that connection.

She's even similar in her work-management style - does the arsekicking part well, does the fluffy understanding bit appallingly (I think)... I just get the unmitigated by HR restrictions version of it!

On the other hand - my mother in law is fantastic (just wish she'd stop thinking 10am phonecalls at the weekend constitute letting us have a lie in!)

LittleMissKitty

I voted YES without a seconds thought. If I can be half the mother to my kids that mine is to me then I'll be proud of myself.

Cherry_Bomb

My mum can be an absolute dragon at times!
She has these incredible mood swings where one minute she's the loveliest woman you could meet, they next she'd have me in tears over something as trivial as what DS was wearing that day.
Really stupid stuff.

As a teenager I hated her. She threw me out on Xmas Eve because I was pregnant and she hated my now fiance. I was homeless and living in a car. Albeit it a nice care because I was a teenager and no bills to pay other than finance payments
7 years later we've built our relationship back up but we'll never have that close mother/daughter bond and that's fine with me. I have a wonderful dad who more than makes up for it.

We need a good dad poll!

missprice

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

We need a good dad poll!

we really really don't
my mother was awful my stepfather just vile and my birth father denied I existed for 16 years until he could no longer deny as I was there in his face.
since that day, I have seen him maybe 5 times and he has never said a good word or even asked about my kids (his grandchildren) or generally given a !!!!!! about me or mine
sad to say all I have left of family is my Uncle and I aint even close to him
and of course my kids who I hope and pray I did not screw up as badly as I was:)

rdchick

My mum is my role model, I love her dearly and she is the best. I hope I am half as good as she was with me and my two brothers.

Sorry to hear the sad stories of those with terrible mothers, I hope you have someone in your lives that you can look to as a mum xxx

LouisaMay_3

My mum is amazing. She coped when my dad ran off with his secretary while she was pregnant with me (and had a 2 year old as well). And she was just 22 at the time. She insisted that we went to see my father, even though we didn't really like being at his (it was dead boring), as she thought it was important for us to have a relationship with him and our siblings - as an adult I definitely appreciate this. When she remarried she made sure that her husband would take care of all of us - and the way his is you could literally never tell he isn't my biological father. Although she went on to have another 3 children (so 5 in all), she always made time for each of us separately, and knows us all personally as individuals.

My mum provided a safe and secure home, where I always knew that no matter what I did I would always be loved (she joked when I went to uni "you can drop out pregnant and on heroin, just don't get a tattoo!"). At 26, I still know that now, and when I get upset or angry I always want to see her. I can't wait to go home for Mother's Day.

sal-ad_daze

I voted 'NO' my mother left when I was 2 and my sister 11 months younger and we haven't had sight or sound of her since.
As a mother (and a Grandmother) I can't believe how she could do that and can't forgive her for doing so.

Matryoshka

My mum was bloody awful. She's still bloody awful :mad:

saidan

my mum confused me as a child
now i know she is a narcissist - can only ever think about herself

i have now had no contact with her for several months - and all i feel is relief :cool: