Poll - Did you have a good mother?

ruby-roo_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

Interesting. Along the same lines, I know someone whose mother used to break her fingers as punishment, but would tick "yes" on the basis that she didn't actually kill her.

Wow I find that statement amazing. Shows how much damage that mum did to her child, that she could treat her so badly and yet still get a vote for being a good mum, simply because she didn't finish her off.

I voted no on the poll. All my mother did for me and taught me was how not to raise my own children. She was and still is vile.

System

YESWe didn't always get along, i was a difficult teen and we argued a lot back then but since i moved out we get along a hell of a lot better and she is a good mum

looby75

in some ways yes and in others no.

It's too complicated to answer with just one word. I have no doubt she loves me but she's the kind of person who always takes the path of least resistance and that meant that as I was growing up she didn't protect me at times she should have.

londonsurrey

thorsoak wrote: »

I think you need a section for "is/was as good a mother as she knew how".

My grandmother grew up in an orphanage/workhouse - was sent into service at age 13. At age 16, she married and my mother was born the same year. At the age of 6, my mother was having to "mother" her younger brother and sister (aged 4 & 2, I think) as my grandmother had to go into a munitions factory after my grandfather was missing presumed dead in WW1. Mum had to get her two siblings up, dress them, cook their breakfasts and dinners, do the family laundry (at the local baths) in order to help the family stay together.

Grandpa did come home, and a further 2 children added to the family, but mum always said that she lost her childhood.

When she married, she lost three babies in infancy before rearing 5 us us. Whilst ensuring that we did have a childhood, she also expected far more of us than did our friends' mothers - probably because of how she was reared. But she loved us dearly although she couldn't tell us until we were all adults, I think.

I think a good mother is one who tries her best, and puts her offspring first, so she does sound like a good mother, and one that her children would celebrate on Mother's Day.

missmontana

Yes, altho we aren't all that close an don't talk about personal stuff, she's always there for me and she's an even better Grandmother!

Lunar_Eclipse

londonsurrey wrote: »

I think a good mother is one who tries her best, and puts her offspring first

I agree with the first part of that statement, but not necessarily the second (although it is how I parent.)

Relatively speaking, I had/have a good mother, but my mum didn't put her children first. We came second, after Dad. Is that such a bad thing? She's been happily married for over 40 years and is still completely in love. I've been with my husband for 22 years. She taught me a lot about how to maintain a long term loving relationship and I grew up in a happy, loving home. I was very well cared for and lucky compared to most.

I agree with the posters that said it's a complicated question to answer and highly subjective. Abused children usually idolise their (dreadful) parents afterall.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If you asked her, she would say she was a fantastic mother.


If you asked her children, they would shudder at the memory of ducking the big metre rule stick/the blows always aimed directly at the head, the always being cold, the always being hungry, the always living in a dump and the constant belittling and insults about how stupid they were.

Or how they were offered so many fantastic chances by people who realised that a posh accent didn't mean squat when it came to being held back - but she refused every last one of them every single opportunity that came their way, including making sure that they weren't allowed to mix with other children as they were common, ensuring that they didn't have half the social skills they could have done.

lostinrates

My mother was the mother who made me 'me'.

While i run a bit short on self respect/ love i have had success in my life and have love, i would not change that at all, and he would not change me, so i ended up right to me, and my mother...all her good and bad points, of which the good is excellent and the bad is pretty ghastly..were part of that.

flowertotmum

I vote no..awful woman..violent and petty ..my gran was my mum..so i would vote yes for my gran
ftm

renowen

If you had asked me that question 10 years ago it would have been no, but now I am an adult with children on my own and knowing the kind of upbringing my own mother had, then yes I think she did fantastcally well considering.

Yes we have our emotional scars, but many do, and I realise now that nothing we experienced was due to having a bad mother, but by being caught in a bad situation

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