So irresponsible with money

bluescissors

Thanks everyone. Just to clarify; the lease is in my name only, he isn't mentioned anywhere on the paperwork.

I have a lease which runs until September and I was hoping to extend it for another year until DD chooses her high school......I'm not particularly fond of this house but location wise it is perfect...I would also like to minimise disruption for DD as she has just got her room looking nice and (although she knows we dont own the house and it is not technically "hers") she has just settled in nicely.

So I think deep down its a case of getting him to move out, preferably amicably. I'm quite happy for it to be a trial seperation rather than a full scale split up...theres no one else on the scene (in my case anyway) and I wouldnt even consider it! I was reading a story to DD at bedtime last night in which a boys mum dies and his Dad remarries..I could tell DD was thinking about it and of course she then said "If you and Daddy split up you won't get a new husband will you Mummy??" I hadn't even considered it, Im upset she is already worrying about things like that.

Got a docs appointment about my abdominal pains this afternoon so will be leaving work early.

Thanks again for letting me put down my thoughts, helps to clarify things in my muddled brain!

victory

He has caused you untold pain and worry and stress why would you not go for the full seperation rather than the trial?

heartbreak_star

Didn't want to read and run. Good luck sweetheart, lots of hugs.

HBS x

WhiteHorse

bluescissors wrote: »

Have a docs appointment today as I have been getting terrible stomach pains, I'm not usually a hypochondriac, but this pain has also been affecting my sleep.

If everything else isn't enough, this really is a warning. This jerk is killing you by inches.

It's you or him.

bluescissors

Thanks everyone, well heres an update....We went on the holiday at the beginning of April, DD loved it. However my husband never skimps on anything so a LOT of money was spent. He chose the most expensive hotel and we got taxis everywhere plus expensive meals out. His justification was that there was "no point going abroad and skimping on money". I know I could have refused and insisted we did more self catering, or refused to go on some of the day trips but its not even worth me arguing anymore. I'm sick of arguing about money in front of DD. Then, at the very end of the holiday he asked me if I had brought a credit card to pay for the accommodation! He claimed that he had already warned me before we set off that I would have to pay for the hotel because he wouldn’t have enough money in his account until he got home and got paid!!!!!!!!!!

Luckily I did have a credit card with enough credit limit on it. I know how scatty he is and since having DD I always plan and make sure if I am away from home I have enough money or credit as a back-up plan to get us back safely...can't risk being stranded anywhere with her....I was fuming when we were literally standing at the desk to check out and he said I had to pay! but he tries to play mind games with me, when I nearly erupted at him he said he had definately told me back in the UK that would be the case, but I swear he never said anything. He said he would pay my credit card bill off as soon as we got back to the UK.

I know it sound absolutely ridiculous and petty because this was a holiday which I had the benefit of, I did enjoy it, who wouldnt enjoy a hol away??? and we are supposed to be a married couple, but the holiday was never discussed with me, he did all the planning, he booked the hotel and then just TOLD me we were going on holiday. If we had planned it together like a normal married couple, discussed the costs, made decisions TOGETHER then of course I wouldnt get angry with him, and wouldnt have any problem at all in paying for anything but its like someone buying you a present then sending you the bill for it!

He has been selling a lot of his stuff on ebay to fund the holiday- mainly stuff he doesn’t use anymore, and he sold his old motorbike (which again was bought on a whim and never ridden) this make him sound like a martyr selling his stuff to pay for a holiday but 99% of the things he is selling is stuff (gadgets, toys and luxuries) bought years ago while he was working but not giving me any housekeeping money. . It took me 4 weeks to get him to transfer me the money for the hotel...Then he went in a mood as he said it was unfair that I wanted all the money for the hotel back/clear my credit card bill. I said I would have never paid for such an expensive hotel in the first place if he had even discussed it with me!

So he thinks everything is fine between us now. The problem is that I’m still so unhappy. I told him at the weekend I wanted to start looking at estate agents and possibly buy a house. He said, great, lets go looking for one! I know what will happen, HE will want to choose the house, he wont listen to me, he will want to buy one that needs loads of work doing on it, I will end up getting into debt to fund any renovations. This is exactly what happened before, and why we ended up selling our original house! Yet if I say I want a small house that is ready to move into with very little work required he will say its an ugly house or a boring house and kick up a fuss and browbeat me into going along with his decision.

Then he started having a go at me and saying that I was so fickle I had previously said that I liked renting because it gave us freedom to not be tied to a house that we didn’t like. I did say that ages ago, when we first moved into this rented place, this but in recent months I am just yearning for a place to settle down in. I just don’t feel like I want one with him!

But I just want to know that I have a place of my own, however small, and be secure without having to renew tenancies or landlords wanting to sell the house, for a good few years. The rented house we are in is falling to bits, we have hassle getting the landlord to do anything, and have to endure inspections and visits from the letting agency. The house is always messy and very untidy because we have had to move from a 4 bed property to a very small 2 bed and we have tons of excess stuff including nice furniture which I’m gradually trying to get rid of, but I’d rather keep in case I do get a place of my own.

The house was supposed to be let unfurnished but the landlord left some furniture in the house so the place is just a cluttered mess, a mix of his stuff and our furniture. If it was my own place I could put up decent storage cupboards but I cant do a thing to improve it, hence the stress whenever we get “inspected” and the place is a tip. I think this is adding to my bad mood. I'm not usually such a negative person I think i'm just a bit depressed and I have nothing bright in the future to aim for, I just see years and years of plodding along, with him spending money on "stuff" and holidays.

Sometimes I just think he would be happy to plod on, having me to run the house for him, or better still in his eyes, buying him a house to live in that he could tinker with.

We are due to go camping in the school holiday next week, DD is so excited about it. Thats just a cheap few days away and I'd be happy with that to keep me going for the rest of the year!

But last night, yet again, he was messing about on the internet and is now hassling me to agree to another "abroad" holiday in the main summer break. If I refuse to go he will sulk. He has been e mailling me all day asking me to check with my boss if i can get the dates off work.

I feel like such a spoilsport. But I'd rather save the money towards a house deposit. I can see arguments ahead tonight. I do want to go, who wouldnt be tempted by another holiday away??? BUT I just think we should be so much more careful with money. I'm just sick of all the constant arguing. My job is under threat of redundancy in the next 12 months but he is just burying his head in the sand.

January20

I didn't want to just read and not post anything but you've already been given so much good advice! What else can I add?

Things will not change until you make them change. He knows you. He knows which buttons to press to make you do what HE wants, and you let him, so why would he change?

Just like the hotel bill, of course he knew you would have a credit card! He knows you. He knows you are always prepared to catch him up when he falls. Why would he have behaved any differently?

You talk about buying a house. Do you really want to be so tied up financially to him? To have a mortgage with him? When he appears so flaky and careless?

You need to start saying no to what you don't want and mean it. Your posts read like you are the mother of a naughty and spoilt teenager, who is bad influence on their younger sibling, not a husband and wife relationship!

Sambucus_Nigra

Spoilsport.

msrisotto

Oh love, please get rid of him! He's poisonous and he's using you.

Birdy12

What would you like everyone on here to say to you?

RAS

Please get out of this relationship now.

Either give notice on the house now and rent somewhere else in September and move out with DD.

Then save up for a deposit

or just kick him out now.