So irresponsible with money

bluescissors

Thanks. I've had a good think and I'm being completely irrational about buying a house. I've got to put that out of my head,.hoever desperate I am to somewhere a bit more permanent.

i suppose I'm just trying to control what I can and just get by on a day to day basis.....which works for 24 hours then the next crisis comes along. I need to think and plan what I really want.

Im going to tell him tonight that any more holidays are out of the question. dunno how that will affect camping next week, I still want to go for DDs sake.

Then I have to start some serious discussions with him about the future.

Apart from the financial mess he just does so many things that make him so unattractive to me anymore. We are a family of hoarders, I may have mentioned before how messy the house is. He tidied the kitchen last night as we are expecting an inspection from the letting agency today. I've had to take the day off work and clean the house while stashing the excess junk all over the place..even in the boot of the car....he hasnt lifted a finger to help other than tiding the kitchen, and stuff that he promised me would be out of the house for today is still there, including loads of parcels that he sold on e-bay ages ago and hasnt bothered to post.

The worst bit is that he is just such a disgusting person. He has some appalling personal habits. I'm noticing them more as he gets older. He leaves snotty tissues around. He picks his nose and wipes it on the wall beside the bed. Sometimes he doesnt wipe his backside properly when he gets into the shower and leaves brown stains on our towels and I have to go picking them up and making sure my DD doesnt use them to wipe her face by mistake.

He has been known in the past to urinate into containers, I'm assuming this is because he is too lazy to go to the bathroom. When I confront him with this and go mad at him he just denies it.

A few months ago I found a vase on our bedroom window full of it, again he denied it. I was so mad I shoved it in the bathroom and told him he had to empty and clean it but he never did.

Today I've been tidying up for the inspection. I decided to shove some shoes under the bed out of the way. So I got on my hands and knees shoved the shoes under the bed, then felt something wet all over my hand and t shirt. I'd pushed the shoes against a half pint glass which was stashed under there on his side of the bed...and guess what it was full of.... so it ended up on me, my t shirt and the bedroom carpet. I know it wasnt there the other day when I was vacuuming so it must have "appeared" recently. ..worse still it is one of the glasses from the kitchen that we all use to drink out of, including DD who drinks milk out of it.

Is being a disgusting pig grounds for divorce??

RedTiger

I'm more of a lurker than a poster but just had to reply to this post, everything you've said is exactly how it was with my ex - the money issues, me doing everything around the house, the mess he created etc etc. We have now been seperated for a year and I couldn't be happier. I didn't realise how miserable he made me until I finally got him to move out, I'm so much more like 'me' now and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Please take action to get him out, if that is really what you want. I changed the locks (actually swapped the barrels between the front & back doors while he was out at work, I knew he didn't have a back door key and wouldn't realise I had just swapped them round!). The thing that first made me realise I didn't want to be in the relationship any more was when we were on holiday with the kids, I saw a lot of older couples there without kids and couldn't see myself enjoying a holiday with just him when the kids were all older. The final straw that made me change the locks was someone else at my door looking for him because he owed money.

I wish I'd done it years ago. It's a big step but really worth it.

bluescissors

money worries me; I've worked it out and I would just about be able to cope on my own. because i work full time I'm not entitled to tax credits but I havent passed the threshold for losing child benefit. I have to ask myself, is it worth being in a crap relationship for the sake of £800 towards the bills every month??

I just think his personal habits also show a lack of respect for me.

The tenancy is due for renewal in August. I have to let the lettin agency know if I am staying on by the end of July. I have been thinking about it and I would like to stay on in this house (on my own with DD)

londonsurrey

His personal habits are a total lack of boundaries, pride and self control. Ditch now, lest your daughter thinks that ANY of this is acceptable in a man.

You're a fickle moany spoilsport, let him have his freedom.

Seriously, the mental strain of being with him, cleaning up his literal (ugh) messes as well as financial messes must be phenomenal.

If he's like this when he's a fit ablebodied male, can you just imagine what he'll be like when he's older? He'll probably happily use that excuse to sit around in incontinence pads expecting someone else to wash him, when he doesn't really yet need that help. I've known a couple of people like that.

Sambucus_Nigra

bluescissors wrote: »

Is being a disgusting pig grounds for divorce??

Unreasonable behaviour I think they used to call it.

I can't say 'get out whilst you still can' loud enough to be honest.

What exactly are YOU getting out of this arrangement?

heartbreak_star

It's making me retch a little bit just reading about his habits.

HBS x

bluescissors

He has just phoned me to find out the outcome of the inspection (which went fine as I spent all day tidying up and cleaning!- stress over for another 6 months)

I told him what I had found under the bed. he initally denied it (as usual) then he admitted he had been caught short. He blames me though he said it happened one night when I was in the bathroom with DD during the middle night which I dont believe for one minute....he is just full of blatent lies! I said that he must be reverting back to being a baby if he couldn't hold himself in until he got to go to the bathroom. He's lying anyway, DD has slept through every night for the last 2 weeks so there was never any restriction on the bathroom in the early hours of the morning. he didnt apologise (he never does)

I suppose I have forgotten what its like to have a normal life, he was my first serious boyfriend so i have nothing to compare him to!!!

Birdy12

Wow. I'm quite taken aback with what you've written. I know everyone has their own 'habits', (OH likes to drink Pepsi straight out of the bottle and I only let him get away with it because no-one drinks fizzy in the house. And, before you ask, it's never offered to guests either!), but peeing in any available container and leaving it lying around? I don't know what to say.

I know it's probably a daunting step to go it alone (with your DD as well, I mean, but it sounds like you've been doing your figures. I really hope you go for it. Sounds like you'll be a lot happier.

One question, you say you'd want to take on another year of tenancy in your current house. Do you think your OH would leave though or put up a fight?

londonsurrey

bluescissors wrote: »

I told him what I had found under the bed. he initally denied it (as usual) then he admitted he had been caught short. He blames me though he said it happened one night when I was in the bathroom with DD during the middle night which I dont believe for one minute....he is just full of blatent lies! I said that he must be reverting back to being a baby if he couldn't hold himself in until he got to go to the bathroom. He's lying anyway, DD has slept through every night for the last 2 weeks so there was never any restriction on the bathroom in the early hours of the morning. he didnt apologise (he never does)

Why should he apologise? Read back the account - it wasn't him, it was your fault, it was DD's fault. It was everyone's fault but his. And it doesn't seem to have occurred to him to clear it away - why should he, when the magic (albeit moany) fairies always do it?

londonsurrey

Although really disgusting, it might be a really good idea to take some pictures, of the wall, of the discoveries, of the towels. I'm sorry about this suggestion.