Birthday Meal Ettiquette?

Valli

miss_independent wrote: »

Can I just ask, is this a common thing that you invite someone and expect them to pay?

I think it's VERY common to invite people to a party then expect them to pay. Basically they want a 'flashy' do they don't want to pay for!

And I am using common in its 'other' meaning.

I would decline.

I mean it's not an 'invitation' is it?

"Join me at a restaurant of MY choosing but you pay for your own?"

Valli

geri1965 wrote: »

My guests paid for their own meals at my wedding reception. If they hadn't, we wouldn't have had one, as we couldn't afford it.

The meal was for family/close friends and they all knew in advance though, and it was very cheap as it was in a social club (£5 for main course).

We had a party in the pub later for those who didn't want to come for the meal.

I'm sorry if that makes me a cheapskate.

Maybe, though, you asked them not to bring gifts?

claire16c

If a friend invites me out for their birthday to a restaurant, I would expect to pay for my own meal, and possibly to split the bill so the birthday girl doesnt have to pay.

If you each go out for each others birthdays over a year, it would all work out in the end. I would never expect them to pay for me! That would mean stumping up maybe £1/200 or more depending on who they invited - which is harder to budget for than just paying for your own meal. I would never expect them to do that!!

However, if someone rented out a place like a hall with a buffet or something, then no I wouldnt expect to pay for my share of that. I mean they are hosting a party and are choosing to put that on.

miss_independent

sassyblue wrote: »

She's not charging you £10 even if you don't go is she? (Or at least trying to....) A deposit is dependant on you going to the do, but if you can't then l can see you'd lose the deposit. Having said that l think she has a damn cheek with the way she's going about things, and if she wants to get arsey then just ask her if she'd like to live on £55 a week, and that if she was a true friend she would understand.....

I wouldn't take any rubbish from her and l wouldn't feel guilty about it either, tbh if this were me l'd offer to pay for a good friend if she was going through the same as you. :cool:

Yes she is trying to charge me anyway, currently saying it is not fair as if I don't go, the restaurant are going to charge her the £10 for me anyway! To be fair, I CAN understand her point but she should have thought about this before booking it!

To be honest I think she is just REALLY ditzy - the right combination between being ditzy and stingy if you know what I mean (ie, her 5 year old son was not allowed to have nursery and school friend's to his birthday party as she would have to pay for them to attend so it was adults and baby cousins only, yet she expects him not to be left out at school parties, doesn't buy birthday gifts for these friends birthdays so the child turns up empty handed, they don't buy him birthday or Christmas presents as they "don't have to, everyone else gets them for him", and generally just has a lot of double standards). She was the first person I ever met to throw a baby shower, wants a destination wedding, expecting everyone to pay for travel, hotel etc but complained about her sister's destination wedding. At her birthday meal (which yes, I paid for) none of us got any of the cake as we didn't pay for it. She wont be having a wedding cake as what is the point as you pay for other people to eat it?! You get the picture!

Peater

Your in her 'bad books' (albeit unreasonable) already, paying her ransom isn't going to change that now.

Don't pay.

If she's going to get sh!tty over a tenner (that she could get back quite easily by inviting someone else) then she's a lost cause.

sassyblue

miss_independent wrote: »

Yes she is trying to charge me anyway, currently saying it is not fair as if I don't go, the restaurant are going to charge her the £10 for me anyway! To be fair, I CAN understand her point but she should have thought about this before booking it!

To be honest I think she is just REALLY ditzy - the right combination between being ditzy and stingy if you know what I mean (ie, her 5 year old son was not allowed to have nursery and school friend's to his birthday party as she would have to pay for them to attend so it was adults and baby cousins only, yet she expects him not to be left out at school parties, doesn't buy birthday gifts for these friends birthdays so the child turns up empty handed, they don't buy him birthday or Christmas presents as they "don't have to, everyone else gets them for him", and generally just has a lot of double standards). She was the first person I ever met to throw a baby shower, wants a destination wedding, expecting everyone to pay for travel, hotel etc but complained about her sister's destination wedding. At her birthday meal (which yes, I paid for) none of us got any of the cake as we didn't pay for it. She wont be having a wedding cake as what is the point as you pay for other people to eat it?! You get the picture!

OMG she sounds like an attention seeking nightmare! :rotfl:

No, l wouldn't still wouldn't pay her the £10, it's not alot in the grand scheme of things is it? She might have a wake up call when alot more people drop out. This is your hour of need Miss.I and if she can't see that she's not a friend l'd want to keep.

She's got a nerve!

Sambucus_Nigra

There's a word for that - and it's 'tough'. She can't charge you when she has changed the venue - without telling you. You say she's ditzy but it works out good for her, all this ditzyness, doesn't it?

krlyr

If she wanted £10 deposit from everyone she should have OKed it will all the guests before booking the venue. I would refuse to pay, tell her you can't afford the new venue and she can't expect you to pay for a deposit you didn't agree to.

miss_independent

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

There's a word for that - and it's 'tough'. She can't charge you when she has changed the venue - without telling you. You say she's ditzy but it works out good for her, all this ditzyness, doesn't it?

Yes. It's a difficult one, she comes across as very "vacant" most of the time and not like someone who would be clever enough to act that way. I think that it's more that she has a complete inability to see the bigger picture and consider other people although she expects everyone to put her first. She isnt all bad though!

19lottie82

Where I'm from if you ask people to come out for a meal on your birthday, everyone pays for their own meal. I don't think I've ever been to anything like that and the birthday girl / boy pays for everyone.