Birthday Meal Ettiquette?

miss_independent

Hi thanks for the responses,

I think the majority of people going are actually family (his brothers and sisters, their spouses and kids, parents etc) so they are unlikely to pull out, his close friends are mainly men in their late 30's, early 40's, in pretty good jobs and so I doubt they will pull out for financial reasons. They might however pull out because it's a bit of a dive and charges £18.95 for a burger, extra for the chips - it's far from an elegant venue but it has extremely elegant prices! I honestly don't know what has possessed her to pick this particular venue - it's very studenty but at city banker prices! Think "gourmet" fast food...

She hasn't paid the £10 per head yet, she has to pay it by the end of next week but is collecting it in now.

Brighton_belle

miss_independent wrote: »

She hasn't paid the £10 per head yet, she has to pay it by the end of next week but is collecting it in now.

Then I would definitely say that, at the end of next week deposit is the first real confirmation of numbers to the venue.
Which is what one would expect, rather than as she is playing it.

Where is it at between you at the moment and are you determined not to be swayed by unreasonable haranging? Not easy I know.

skintchick

In answer to your original question, I would expect to pay for myself at a birthday meal, no matter how the invitation were worded.

If you can't afford it you are wtihin your rights to say the plan has changed and it's not what you signed up for. If she has already paid a deposit that's her lookout.

I don't think it's up to you to ask her to change to the buffet. A buffet is very different to a sit-down meal, and if that's what she wants to arrange for her boyfriend that's up to her.

However, I think it's OK to say it's too expensive for you. I did this recently when two of my friends wanted to go to a very pricey French restaurant for their joint 40th party. The set menu was reasonable but dullsville, and the rest was ouchy pricey. I spoke to both birthday girls, said it was too expensive for me as I don't work, so I couldn't go unless they were able to change the venue They were both insistent I should be there and we changed venues.

Ultimately, I understand why you are cross but she has the right to arrange what she wants, but you can choose not to go (and not to pay a deposit!).

miss_independent

Well, complete turnaround! Just as I've been plucking up courage she has now facebooked me saying that his best mate is refusing to come without his new girlfriend and as the capacity is 50 would I mind dropping out?!?!?! Ha, she just gets cheekier but this time it works in my favour!

Brighton_belle

miss_independent wrote: »

Well, complete turnaround! Just as I've been plucking up courage she has now facebooked me saying that his best mate is refusing to come without his new girlfriend and as the capacity is 50 would I mind dropping out?!?!?! Ha, she just gets cheekier but this time it works in my favour!

Well I think you can see where you stand in her pecking order,lol. I'm not sure I'd be putting any effort into furthering this relationship, but I am very glad you now have your way out. At least you now know how the land lies with them and won't let yourself be put in this postion again.
Good luck with the job hunt!

*Louise*

miss_independent wrote: »

Well, complete turnaround! Just as I've been plucking up courage she has now facebooked me saying that his best mate is refusing to come without his new girlfriend and as the capacity is 50 would I mind dropping out?!?!?! Ha, she just gets cheekier but this time it works in my favour!

She is an idiot but at least that solves your problem.


I would try and avoid this woman from now on and only communicate with your friend instead

miss_independent

skintchick wrote: »

I don't think it's up to you to ask her to change to the buffet. A buffet is very different to a sit-down meal, and if that's what she wants to arrange for her boyfriend that's up to her.

Ultimately, I understand why you are cross but she has the right to arrange what she wants, but you can choose not to go (and not to pay a deposit!).

Hi, thanks just to say I know my place and would NEVER have asked to change to the buffet for me! I just mentioned that on here as a point that she did not consider her guests at all as there was a more reasonable option of a hot buffet that she could have picked to soften the blow of completely changing the plans and making it a huge expense for everyone. 36 people on the guest list are his family, and I know one of his sisters, her husband and kids are really struggling but will go without all month to go because its her big brother for example!

Tbh, he isn't going to be pleased I've been uninvited when he finds out lol. Her reasons were, all his other friends are men so it's more of a lads and family thing now and I wouldn't know the girlfriends so she wouldn't want me to feel left out. Bless.

faerie~spangles

You've been uninvited, well that was nice of her. :eek:

She sounds like a right 'as I said before' passive aggressive b!tch.

On the positive front, you no longer have to feel guilty just 'cause your skint! :j

victory

miss_independent wrote: »

Well, complete turnaround! Just as I've been plucking up courage she has now facebooked me saying that his best mate is refusing to come without his new girlfriend and as the capacity is 50 would I mind dropping out?!?!?! Ha, she just gets cheekier but this time it works in my favour!

That solves that problem but you have been uninvited? How very dare she:rotfl::rotfl:

sassyblue

miss_independent wrote: »

Well, complete turnaround! Just as I've been plucking up courage she has now facebooked me saying that his best mate is refusing to come without his new girlfriend and as the capacity is 50 would I mind dropping out?!?!?! Ha, she just gets cheekier but this time it works in my favour!

OMG is she for real?! Unless you can really afford the £8 for the book l'd not bother now, cheeky mare!