Birthday Meal Ettiquette?

miss_independent

Right I'm going to explain to her I can't go due to finances and perhaps there is someone else who she could invite to cover the deposit from the restaurant. I can tell you now she definitely won't understand even though she is one of the stingiest people ever (accepts but never gives lol) but I think my friend might. And I'm just giving him the book as it's what I can afford.

Sambucus_Nigra

Don't mention the deposit. Just say: "Now the plan has changed from a party at the cricket club to dinner at a restuarant, I'm afraid I won't be able to attend."

Quoted from earlier in the thread...

Dunroamin

miss_independent wrote: »

It seems to pretty much be just me then and my family! I would never expect someone to be footing a restaurant meal for, say 50, people (as I've said we all thought it was just going to be a catered party) but in the case of my birthday meal, I have never invited more than 5 friend's and in my best friend's case, it was only immediate family, myself and one other friend.

I must have been brought up the wrong way lol!

It's not just you. If I was invited out for a meal I would expect it to be paid for by the person who did the inviting, although I would only expect that to be for a small numbe of people. On the other hand, if someone said something like "we're all going to Francesco's for Tom's birthday meal", I'd expect to pay for myself but I would see that as a suggestion rather than an invitation.

Callie22

geri1965 wrote: »

My guests paid for their own meals at my wedding reception. If they hadn't, we wouldn't have had one, as we couldn't afford it.

The meal was for family/close friends and they all knew in advance though, and it was very cheap as it was in a social club (£5 for main course).

We had a party in the pub later for those who didn't want to come for the meal.

I'm sorry if that makes me a cheapskate.

I don't think that makes you a cheapskate at all. I think it would be 'off' to expect a contribution if you're organising a big wedding in a fancy venue, and you sent out the invites with a note to say 'you're invited to our wedding breakfast, this is the menu and it'll cost you £40 a head'. But if your reception is more of an informal 'we're getting married, join us in the pub/social club afterwards and they do food if you want it', then I don't see a problem with people paying for their own meals. I've been to lots of weddings like that and I've never had a problem with it.

Brighton_belle

miss_independent wrote: »

Right I'm going to explain to her I can't go due to finances and perhaps there is someone else who she could invite to cover the deposit from the restaurant. .

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Don't mention the deposit. Just say: "Now the plan has changed from a party at the cricket club to dinner at a restuarant, I'm afraid I won't be able to attend."

Yup - definitely this^^^ the plans changed from what you were signing up for. Do not pay the deposit. It is outrageous she is trying to charge you that.
Can't help feeling this friend's girlfriend will make the most horrendous bridezilla if they married.

CH27

miss_independent wrote: »

I haven't paid it yet as she only face booked me today but I think what she means is, I RSVPd to the Save the Date card and she has put me on the list as going (this was before I knew what the plans were, I thought it would be a party with a buffet at the cricket club) and the restaurant want a deposit based on 50 people going and wether I go or not she wants the £10 as she will have to pay it if I don't go.

She's being unreasonable. Tell her no.

sassyblue

She's not charging you £10 even if you don't go is she? (Or at least trying to....) A deposit is dependant on you going to the do, but if you can't then l can see you'd lose the deposit. Having said that l think she has a damn cheek with the way she's going about things, and if she wants to get arsey then just ask her if she'd like to live on £55 a week, and that if she was a true friend she would understand.....

I wouldn't take any rubbish from her and l wouldn't feel guilty about it either, tbh if this were me l'd offer to pay for a good friend if she was going through the same as you. :cool:

newgirly

My brother in law got married abroad which we could not afford to attend, then held a reception when they returned and not only did we have to pay for our meal ( it was a "wedding reception", full attire etc.) he tried to get the waiter to swap his food bill for ours as ours was cheaper! We all had to admire the dress that cost thousands though , so it wasn't due to lack of funds.

sassyblue

Oh, any definitely buy him the book, just take your 'ONLY £8!' sticker off, she might think you paid £35 for it dippy mare.

jrrowleyws

miss_independent wrote: »

Right I'm going to explain to her I can't go due to finances and perhaps there is someone else who she could invite to cover the deposit from the restaurant. I can tell you now she definitely won't understand even though she is one of the stingiest people ever (accepts but never gives lol) but I think my friend might. And I'm just giving him the book as it's what I can afford.

I've never come across a restaurant that is bothered if 49 or 50 people are on the booking. Im sure it can be amended and the deposit is probably a standard £10 a head.

Tell her to take a hike!