Birthday Meal Ettiquette?

siaoeh

elvis86 wrote: »

I wouldn't recommend this, tbh. If the OP is that hard-up, she shouldn't risk a scenario where everyone suggests splitting the bill (which I think is usually reasonable for a group of friends on a birthday night out) and she can't afford her share.

this is a good point! never thought of that LOL

though my friends and I have always just paid up what we ordered (usually round it up a little to cover) instead of splitting everything equally as I've always thought its not a very good system. firstly it makes me feel obliged to ask around what everyone is ordering then ordering something of a similiar value or lower as I would hate to be seen as taking advantage and ordering myself a steak when everyone is having sausage and mash etc

one way to get round that would be to take tenner off the total bill (assuming OP ordered something that's under a tennr of course hahaa) and then splitting the rest between the rest. but if its such a big group of 50 and most likely not all her close friends, it would be a bit difficult to insist on doing that though so the verdict is probably not to go

elvis86

miss_independent wrote: »

This is EXACTLY what happened at my best friend's party. Luckily her other friend clocked on really quick and at the start of the meal asked if we could be put on a separate bill as we weren't family. I nearly had a heart attack as everyone was getting starters, mains, steaks and seafood (as opposed to my plain tomato pasta) desserts, extra sides and lots of booze and I was looking in my purse thinking "oh no, what am I going to do?".

As most of their friends are in their 30's and 40's and are settled, in stable careers, on the property ladder etc, there is no way they will be thinking like me. Splitting the bill could well be something they decide to do.

To be fair, it's something I usually do too.

I guess there's a fine line and a judgement to be made which not everyone will always agree on.

Personally I like to avoid at all costs the cringey moment where someone gets their phone out and starts adding up what people have had (especially where the prices are pretty standard and everyone had the same number of courses etc, so there ends up being a paltry £2 difference between the most and least expensive "shares"). If you begrudge people you're socialising with a couple of quid - don't go out!

However, if it's a case of several people eating steak and drinking loads of wine whilst, for example, my veggie friend has a pasta dish and soft drinks; I'm the first to point out that maybe he should pay less.

Peater

I concur.

Went out to someone's B'day meal a few years back. One couple were late and turned up as we were having dessert. (It was a reasonably priced good restaurant £15-£20 for a main) They sat with us and ordered a £40 bottle of wine and began to bore us all about how great it was etc etc (bear in mind we were 24-25 at the time).

Bill arrives at the end of the evening. This guy (the late one) grabs it, gets his phone out and declare's 'Right, that's £X each'. Everyone reaches for thier wallets. I piped up 'Is that including your wine?' To which he replied 'Well, yeah, were going Dutch aren't we?'.

I took a bullet that night and was prepared to be the social lepar. Needless to say, i didn't contribute to his drink...

Again, we're all still friends. But at least they know my boundaries.

*Louise*

Pay a deposit for something I won't be attending, due to the goalposts being moved after I said I would go?

No chance.


And I would buy him the book - will give him something nice to unwrap among a sea of cash and vouchers...

siaoeh

I don't think it should be a cringey moment when everyone just pay up what they've ordered though. just round up the prices and add x% for the service charge, I don't even see a calculator being needed (unless its a dinner involving more glasses of wine LOL) I mean, isn't this what we all learnt Maths in school for?

As for taking the bullet and risk being the social leper, I hope the people I choose to eat out with don't think like that O_O I have a tight budget and when I save up to go out for a meal with people I enjoying spending time with, I expect them to respect my situation and not laugh off the fact that I have a budget to stick to, a few quid different might not mean much when everyone's finances are good, but not everyone is in that position unfortunately, and who is to know what financial position other people are in unless we are all open about it instead of trying to keep up with the jones so to speak? there is no shame in being on a budget is there? :-) that's why we are all here on MSE LOL

siaoeh

*Louise* wrote: »

And I would buy him the book - will give him something nice to unwrap among a sea of cash and vouchers...

:T well said!

Sambucus_Nigra

miss_independent wrote: »

That's exactly what I do, pay for the meal and the first drink. This is all new to me and tbh, if I did expect my guests to pay for themselves (which I can't see myself ever doing lol!) then I would at least ensure I was booking somewhere affordable and not somewhere where a starter alone is £15.95 and a diet coke is £3.75!

I suppose he would understand, but either way, I'm stuck paying the £10 deposit!

No you're not. A deposit is just that - if you haven't paid it and decide not to go, then your money stays in your pocket. End of.

mancitychick

Judi wrote: »

I know someone who got married and charged the guests for the meal at the reception.

Words fail me :eek: :eek: :eek:

geri1965_2

Judi wrote: »

I know someone who got married and charged the guests for the meal at the reception.

My guests paid for their own meals at my wedding reception. If they hadn't, we wouldn't have had one, as we couldn't afford it.

The meal was for family/close friends and they all knew in advance though, and it was very cheap as it was in a social club (£5 for main course).

We had a party in the pub later for those who didn't want to come for the meal.

I'm sorry if that makes me a cheapskate.

zagfles

geri1965 wrote: »

My guests paid for their own meals at my wedding reception. If they hadn't, we wouldn't have had one, as we couldn't afford it.

The meal was for family/close friends and they all knew in advance though, and it was very cheap as it was in a social club (£5 for main course).

We had a party in the pub later for those who didn't want to come for the meal.

I'm sorry if that makes me a cheapskate.

Not at all and I bet it was much more fun than the typical stuffy posh hotel do where everything has to be just perfect!