Terrified of giving birth - advice please?

clearingout

OP - you'll be fine. I know it's easy to say but it's one of those 'do your best to enjoy the journey' kind of experiences 'cos life isn't the same afterwards!

I think you fair well in labour if you are open to anything and everything rather than being someone who has a perfect birth all mapped out and ends up in bits afterwards 'cos it didn't go the way they were expecting. Some people cope, others don't. Some people cope well for a long time and then decide enough is enough and start screaming for the drugs and swearing like a trooper. No one cares. If it gets to the point of having to use forceps or being cut or anything else, you truly won't care. You'll probably be stark naked with several people staring at your never-regions and you honestly won't even notice it.

Oh, the best tip I could give is once you start on the gas and air, don't stop. None of this just having it whilst you've got a contraction and then stopping - just stick it in your mouth and keep breathing. I went totally doo-lally after about 20 minutes, high as a kite, couldn't have cared less where I was, what I was doing as long as I kept breathing the stuff in! I even at one point had a mind/body separation experience where my head said 'who on earth is making all that bloody noise whilst I'm trying to give birth....oh, that would be me then....!!'. As I say, doo-lally. Good stuff. Would give birth every day to have a few hours on the gas and air!

patchwork_cat

I have 2 children and watch one born every minute - I am astounded at the difference in ability to deal with pain and have come to the conclusion that a lot of it is fear. One mum absolutely astounded me - she had not gone to antenatal classes, watched anything as she didn't wan to be scared. She approached every contraction as one more step closer to seeing her baby. She had the smoothest least traumatic birth ever.

So my advice is view every contraction as one more hurdle to pass to see your baby, but if the pain is too much you don't get any medals for suffering, so have pain relief.

NickyBat

You can do it and it will be fine, it's more the fear of the unknown. I had to do it without any pain relief, and yes it was painful at the time but you get over it.
Good luck.

sunshine_1988

Just wanted to say thank you for everyones comments, it definately makes me feel better to know that everyone is nervious and scared and that every experience is different.

Thanks again, and heres hoping that I have a trouble free labour xxxx

ellay864

Oh this thread has brought back some memories!
OP I was cut with my first and tore with my second and can honestly say it didn't register at all pain wise. I had 2 very different births - induced for first (birth plan out the window, hooked up to all devices going and as good as tied to bed - figuratively speaking!) while second was much more natural, having a deep bath (would have had pool but unit was being re-furbed that week!) and walking around. In the end I did have waters broken and then DS2 took us all by surprise shooting out in just a few minutes and the urge to push was so overpowering I tore!
Basically I can only echo other posts - we all have different experiences but we all get through it OK and what you may be specifically worrying about now will probably just dissipate with everything else going on. Totally agree with the comments about peeing with water jug/shower and holding the stitches for number 2s lol. But once you've had that little baby everything will seem inconsequential and you just enjoy being a mum

suki1001

Ok, a lot of people are positive about epidurals, but I have to say, it was the worst thing about my birth. I'm not really a drug person anyway. That is I don't like the feeling of being numb, like when you go to the dentists. It might be because I hadn't got to the stage where it was unbearable. What freaked me was my blood pressure dropped when they administered the epidural and I started to faint, it's perfectly normal and they have a drug on stand by to counteract it, but no-one told me and I freaked!

So epidurals aren't for everyone, but as others have said never say never, because they are certainly worth it for some.

By my second child I wasn't sure what to do. I did go to hypnotherapy and that really helped me relax, I got to the hospital at a stage where I was hopping around, but it wasn't unbearable, both my labours were bad period pains, so copable. The midwife checked me and I was 9cm dialated, she couldn't beieve it! Later I got more vocal though, but it was really more to deal with the contractions, rather than it being a pain thing. A bit like how tennis players grunt to give a bit of extra umpf. The thing that helped was a friend of mine gave a very good description of the second stage.
I think as women we're worried about the baby coming out bit, but the main stage is actually your womb just moving and dialating, so you've got the period pains. It's not a pain like a sprain. It's not usually constant, they just get closer together.

I remember with my second I felt in a bit of another world with the second stage. Then the pushing bit at the end is a bit hard, but when they start saying they can see the head, it just feels tight and you think "how am I going to do this", then you can feel a bit of stinging (not unbearable) this is the head, and the midwife pours water just to ease the stinging and then the rest of the baby just arrives and that doesn't hurt and is quick. For me the difficult bit was the pushing, but it wasn't awful.

I didn't realise I'd had a 3rd degree tear if that's any help, I didn't think I had at all. When I was sown up, I had gas and air and it didn't hurt.

Be positive, you can do it! I liked having pethidine and I loved gas and air and it really helped me, but not everyone does like it. It was like being fresh.

What really helped me focus, was my friend said it wasn't as bad as when she broke her thumb.

Just as a side not, if you don't have an epidural, as soon as you've had the baby, it stops. Your tummy feels very strange though! You do get a bit later on a bit of period pain over the next few days, as your womb contracts back, but it's fine with paracetamol.

Hope this helps.

suki1001

Mojisola wrote: »

With my second one, the contractions were well spaced out so I went into the village to do some bits and pieces - keeping upright and mobile - and nearly caused panic in the shop when I had to interrupt handing over money while clutching my belly and gasping "Sorry, big contraction!" I managed to stop them from calling an ambulance, walked home and little one didn't put in an appearance until a good few hours later.

Yes, I remember making the tea and hanging out the washing!!

ruby-roo_2

Firstly huge congratulations on your impending arrival OP. I felt exactly the same as you when I was pregnant with my first. My pain threshold is extremely low too and I got myself into a right state about how I would cope with labour.

I would recommend that you call your midwife and ask to talk through your worries and fears. She should be able to reassure you by advising about all the different types of pain relief available.

Who are you planning to have with you at the birth? Having a birthing partner who knows your wishes about how you wish the labour and delivery to be, and can express these on your behalf when you are in the throws of labour would be a great benefit.

moneypuddle

Good luck. I have the fear too although I'm about 7 months behind you!

Please come back once you've done it and tell us its not so bad

clays_mummy

hi OP,

no matter how many birth stories you read, or how many birth plans you write, nothing can prepare you for labour and having a new baby until it happens to you.

yes, it hurts, no one will lie about that, but if your like me, take the drugs and then the pain stops

one thing though, i promise you, once youve had the baby, remembering the pain goes away so quickly and you'll be pregnant for the 2nd time...

the best advice i can offer is dont panic...easy for me to say because iv done it..the first part feels like immense period pains and i had the worst ever feeling of constipation and sat on the toilet with a magazine coz i needed to go so bad (sorry tmi) but didnt realise i was in the first stages of labour...

oh, and DONT watch one born every minute lol