Terrified of giving birth - advice please?

Bella56

I used the Natal Hypnotherapy Programme CD, just sat and listened each day and it really did help. Gets you in the right frame of mind. YOU CAN DO IT :T

onlyroz

Just remember that there are no medals for shortest/longest/most painful/most druggy/least painful/least druggy births. Just go with the flow and try to follow the advice of the midwife. Believe me, you won't remember the pain afterwards, and the least of your worries will be whether you tear or not.

Mojisola

Women's experiences are so different. My friend, pregnant at the same time as me, said she felt nothing more than discomfort. She went for a check-up, found she was 4cm dilated, straight to hospital, baby arrived half an hour later. I went into labour, was working at it for three days and had so many people in and out of the room - including, towards the end, a full surgical team who were discussing whether to "do" me before the woman they had been called in to operate on - that if the binmen had walked through, I wouldn't have cared.

I ended up with gas and air, pethidine, an epidural and an episiotomy and a forceps delivery but, guess what? I did it again a couple of years later.

Best wishes to you at this exciting time of life.

Seanymph

I was terrified, panicking, I can't tell you how much I'd changed my mind when I had my first.

I did endless research, I can't tell you how much - and I found statistically that giving birth on your side HUGELY reduces the chance of tearing or needing stitches.

I also learnt that midwives in my unit weren't taught that position any longer, and weren't keen to allow me to deliver that way.

Epidurals are lovely, it makes it not hurt that badly at all really, and laying on your side meant no stitches or tearing for me either time - but both times the midwife was less than keen, and once my poor long suffering partner had to actually hold my leg in the air because of the epidural - I think he had a harder time of it than I did to be honest

I have no idea why when you are pregant people (including my sister thanks a lot) tell you horrendous birth stories.

I think I was fairly normal - it wasn't great, but it was ok, my babies were fine and healthy, and the aches and pains passed.

In fact, giving birth was a breeze compared to the first week or two of breast feeding (ouch!) - but if you stick with it then it gets easier.

I'd say do your own research, work out what scares you and find out how to avoid it if possible - that's what I did, it was stitches/tearing that freaked me out, so I tried (and managed) to avoid that. That was enough to make it a really positive experience for me.

shandyclover

I forgot to say earlier, stay active as long as you can. My doula told me not to lay down till I couldn't focus on doing anything else - might be a bit of an exageration, but you get the idea. Going to bed with your first contraction I feel is a mistake - it can make labour draaaaggg. I have a friend who did this, she was an animal rescuer - so told me she'd seen animals give birth and there was nothing to it. She set off for hospital at the first contraction, ended up in the very, very early stages of labor in a bed with a long boring wait, boredom makes it seem more painful. If you still have some time read up on what is actually happening in the labour/birth process. Knowing what causes the contractions and why, helps you focus on the process and like another poster said - see each contraction as a step closer to seeing your baby.

sunshine_1988

Seanymph wrote: »

I was terrified, panicking, I can't tell you how much I'd changed my mind when I had my first.

I did endless research, I can't tell you how much - and I found statistically that giving birth on your side HUGELY reduces the chance of tearing or needing stitches.

I also learnt that midwives in my unit weren't taught that position any longer, and weren't keen to allow me to deliver that way.

Epidurals are lovely, it makes it not hurt that badly at all really, and laying on your side meant no stitches or tearing for me either time - but both times the midwife was less than keen, and once my poor long suffering partner had to actually hold my leg in the air because of the epidural - I think he had a harder time of it than I did to be honest

I have no idea why when you are pregant people (including my sister thanks a lot) tell you horrendous birth stories.

I think I was fairly normal - it wasn't great, but it was ok, my babies were fine and healthy, and the aches and pains passed.

In fact, giving birth was a breeze compared to the first week or two of breast feeding (ouch!) - but if you stick with it then it gets easier.

I'd say do your own research, work out what scares you and find out how to avoid it if possible - that's what I did, it was stitches/tearing that freaked me out, so I tried (and managed) to avoid that. That was enough to make it a really positive experience for me.

Thank you so much x

cr1mson

I would bear a couple of things in mind

1) Some people like to scare new Mums to be by telling their birth stories in the most horrific fashion possible.

2) It is only a short period of your life try and focus on the outcome rather than the process.

3) Things that you worry about pre-labour you often don't give a monkeys about once you are in labour!

4) Try not to be rigid in your birth plan. Sometimes plans have to change.

5) Things that sound bad in terms of birth stories often aren't. For instance I planned a home birth with #1 and ended up with a section. Sounds horrific but it really wasn't at all!

6) It is not a competition although some people portray it as that so if you have to have all the pain relief going so be it!

C

toomanyshoesfortwofeet

shandyclover wrote: »

I forgot to say earlier, stay active as long as you can. My doula told me not to lay down till I couldn't focus on doing anything else - might be a bit of an exageration, but you get the idea. Going to bed with your first contraction I feel is a mistake - it can make labour draaaaggg. I have a friend who did this, she was an animal rescuer - so told me she'd seen animals give birth and there was nothing to it. She set off for hospital at the first contraction, ended up in the very, very early stages of labor in a bed with a long boring wait, boredom makes it seem more painful. If you still have some time read up on what is actually happening in the labour/birth process. Knowing what causes the contractions and why, helps you focus on the process and like another poster said - see each contraction as a step closer to seeing your baby.

When I was pregnant with ds1, I'd been told how long and boring early labour was so many times that I'd bought a 24 box set to watch between contractions (home birth, not swanky private hospital). Ahhh the naivety

At 38 weeks, without even so much as a hint, my waters burst and I went straight into three minute contractions. I never even had time to say 'get the lavender oil and put the soothing music on' before I was begging for gas and air.

JoJoB

I was convinced the contractions would be period pain-like and the really hurty bit was pushing baby out.

So I was rather suprised by the first contraction . I was induced so had no gradual build up like in the text book labour and went straight into huge contractions 30 seconds apart. Absolutely no way in the world I would have been able to endure hours of that without an epidural.

Epidural = no pain. God it was lovely. Would not contemplate giving birth without it. Only downside for me was lack of sensation when it came time to push which makes it harder to get baby out. But I'd rather deal with that than the pain.

It's called "labour" for a reason, it will be hard work love. But it's an experience that gives you a lovely baby at the end of it. And if you get that epidural sorted when you start getting big contractions then there's no need for it to be more painful than you can cope with.

Mojisola

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

When I was pregnant with ds1, I'd been told how long and boring early labour was so many times that I'd bought a 24 box set to watch between contractions (home birth, not swanky private hospital). Ahhh the naivety

At 38 weeks, without even so much as a hint, my waters burst and I went straight into three minute contractions. I never even had time to say 'get the lavender oil and put the soothing music on' before I was begging for gas and air.

With my second one, the contractions were well spaced out so I went into the village to do some bits and pieces - keeping upright and mobile - and nearly caused panic in the shop when I had to interrupt handing over money while clutching my belly and gasping "Sorry, big contraction!" I managed to stop them from calling an ambulance, walked home and little one didn't put in an appearance until a good few hours later.