Terrified of giving birth - advice please?

Aimless

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Oh and my best bit of advice..? Don't listen to other peoples tales of horror. A lot of the time they are embellished to make them more gory/interesting. Each birth is different, and I'm a sissy and I was fine.

Think bad period pains.

sassyblue wrote: »

Ah sunshine, it's not *that* bad, and women can embellish the stories....

I know you're trying to be helpful, but comments like this really belittle the experiences of those who do have very painful labours. I watch birth programs and can't understand why it seems to hurt me so much more, it makes me feel a bit rubbish. However, although it can hurt an awful lot, it doesn't last forever. I was amazed by how quickly I bounced back this time round considering how much the labour hurt. If you're lucky it won't be too bad, if it is painful it will end.

Metranil_Vavin

also remember that we are women and we are INVINCIBLE!!!!!!

Metranil_Vavin

Aimless wrote: »

I know you're trying to be helpful, but comments like this really belittle the experiences of those who do have very painful labours. I watch birth programs and can't understand why it seems to hurt me so much more, it makes me feel a bit rubbish. However, although it can hurt an awful lot, it doesn't last forever. I was amazed by how quickly I bounced back this time round considering how much the labour hurt. If you're lucky it won't be too bad, if it is painful it will end.

I'm not belittling anyone's experiences at all. I am well aware that some women have far more horrible experiences than others. Mine was no walk in the park!

I just don't think that listening to horrible stories helps the person who is scared and apprehensive, and I also know that 'some' people like to ham up their experiences, again not everyone, but this in my opinion, is not helpful either.

jakes-mum

Ah hun, as others have said, it is a painful experience but the way my mother described it to me when I was close to DS's birth (at 21 so totally caccing myself) 'love it hurts but its a controlled pain, it builds and builds until you start to think you cant cope and then it ebbs away again. By the time they are that close together your so busy trying to push your not even aware of whats going on'

I did tear on DS and didnt even know till the dr was stitching me up after he arrived :eek: It wasnt painful after, it was sore, if you tear dont do as I did and allow a bloke doing a survey keep you stood at the door for 20 minutes asking stupid questions, rest alot and you'll be fine.

Every birth is different and you wont know what you can cope with till your in there. There are lots of pain relief options available that you can ask for at any time. These midwives know what they are doing and they will take care of you and listen to what you want to do while in the delivery room, they have immediate access to help if its needed. Everytime you start to freak about the birth think its just one moment out of your entire life and you get the best prize at the end

Good luck

Aimless

Ok it isn't helpful to describe it in full detail, but it also isn't to make out it is all a walk in the park, as if it isn't, you can be left thinking 'oh my god what happened!'. My other half's mum was told by her family that it didn't really hurt, she had a very painful labour and later ended up in hospital with post natal depression.

Ginger_Poodle

As others have said, wee in the shower if you do end up with stitches. And hold a pad of loo roll firmly against your stitches when doing the other...

And gas & air is lush. Reminded me of being a little drunk for the first time...made me completely inappropriate and I ended up telling the midwife how much I hated the woman (her colleague) that had done our pre-natal classes. Apparently everyone in the room was laughing at me, but I was oblivious.

Good luck. You probably wouldn't go through labour for fun, but the end result makes it worth it!

the_cat

Just to redress the balance a bit........ not all of us have long scary labours, full of pain and misery!

Both of mine were induced, which apparently can make things quicker but also more intense. I can honestly say that I didn't think it hurt as much as I expected and I didn't bother with pain relief. I had planned to, but was waiting until the pain got worse as I thought I would cope until the bad stage (I too had heard the horror stories!!) I was uncomfortable, but I'd rather labour to the dentist anyday!

So 3 hours max for each time, no pain relief needed. Was I lucky? Yes, obviously! Does that mean it can't work out like that for you, just as easily as you being unlucky and having a tough labour like others describe? No.

Try to chill out and not think about it (cos baby is coming out whether you get in a state over it or not) Birth plans have a lot to answer for imo.... how the heck are we supposed to make a decision about pain relief months in advance of the pain, for something which we have no experience for? Only freaked me out tbh and I worried that I had made the wrong choices, not knowing what was to come

mishkanorman

My first labour was a nightmare from start to finish, induction with drip and epidural. It was 4 days in hospital of messing around and I saw well over 8 different midwifes.

2nd time round was fantastic and I enjoyed it all, I think because I was more prepared to be active and involved in the labour rather than sitting back and waiting for it to happen. I was on a high for days afterwards and still now have warm memories !

OP, dont be afraid to stand up for what you want, while you may not be too aware of what you want now - during the labour remember you dont have to suffer.

And i agree wholeheartedly with other posters that some women just like to share the horrors of labour, we all have different pain thresholds so no two are the same

dizziblonde

Things I'm hanging onto:

a) People always love telling "interesting" stories more than the boring "I went in, had the baby, came home" stories and there's a particular element of female wickedness who love scaring the pants off pregnant women with birth horror stories.
b) No one would go back for child number 2 if it was THAT bad.
c) It's got to come out somehow!

But I'm one of those nutters who isn't worried about the birth part at all. Worried about the logistical stuff - like who's going to look after our dogs (arranged), what happens if I go into labour during rush hour (hospital's in one of the nicest traffic blackspots in the city) and get stuck in traffic and end up having to push in the gutter, nasty medical bods deciding to yell about my weight mid-push (precedent for that one set by a GP screaming at me about my weight... mid smear-test)... but not the birth bit!

My birth plan currently comprises - "get me and baby out of here ok... if I decide I want pain relief - I chuffing well want it so don't treat me like some idiot with the are you sure routine... and no one's coming near the business end with a camera"

sassyblue

Aimless wrote: »

I know you're trying to be helpful, but comments like this really belittle the experiences of those who do have very painful labours. I watch birth programs and can't understand why it seems to hurt me so much more, it makes me feel a bit rubbish. However, although it can hurt an awful lot, it doesn't last forever. I was amazed by how quickly I bounced back this time round considering how much the labour hurt. If you're lucky it won't be too bad, if it is painful it will end.

It's not belittling at all, it's a fact. Sorry you felt rubbish but belittling you would be to tell you the pain you felt wasn't that bad - and how would we know that?

Some people cope better with pain and some like to make out it was worse than it was, that's all. :cool: