Terrified of giving birth - advice please?

thatgirlsam

Please don't worry how you will act or what the midwives will think of you during labour - trust me, they have seen every situation going and NOTHING will shock them

Scream your head off if you want to, it really doesn't matter - in fact its a funny story to tell people afterwards - much funnier than oh yes I had a silent birth, one push and baby was out - that is NOT funny

I was like a wild animal if that helps! :-)

hr9hr9

Hi

I have had 2 children and both experiences were different.

I was very scared before my first as I had been told it hurts and that labour lasts hours etc etc

I will say:

1. Try not to think about pain, as your body has a built in coping mechanism
2. Gas and Air, wow the best thing in early labour, it's magic

I didn't have any other pain relief except for the Gas and Air and I swore and turned the air blue in the later stages but I didn't care at the time.

They did cut me (I think unneccessarily) with my first, so I wish to this day I had stayed upright and squatted for the birth.

And I would definately opt for a water birth if ever I had another.

I will say that DO tell a midwife about your concerns as they are there to help you.

Oh and enjoy the experience, it really is amazing dispite any pain.

Helen

Crabapple

I think it's pretty normal to feel afraid of the birth. As fed up as I was at being pregnant towards the end there was still a part of me that was kind of hoping I didn't have to give birth!

The most helpful advice I was given was not to go in with any absolutes (like you don't want x or y whether that's drugs or intervention) and that every birth is different, even for the same woman.

What you can be sure of is that the midwives and any other professionals who are involved with you are there to help and support you, and make things as safe as possible for you and your baby. I'd never met the midwife who was there when I delivered my daughter but she was wonderful.

I saw several midwives during my pregnancy and never discussed my birthplan (which I treated as an ideal not something that I would worry about if it didn't go that way). When I realised I was in labour I focussed on the fact I was going to meet my baby and that really helped. In my case gas and air was definitely my friend, but there are lots of options to help.

She's just over 7 weeks now and just amazing - it was so worth it. I did tear but you can deal with that and it will get better pretty quickly. I could definitely do it again if that helps!

Good luck x

tinkwings

sunshine_1988 wrote: »

Hi

I'm 38+6 today, and I am absolutely petrified of when it happens. I have been having sleepless nights, bad dreams etc.

I know it sounds pathetic, but I just have no idea what to expect. I've read the pregnancy thread and the birth stories and I get myself into such a state about what could happen:(

I dont have a specific midwife as such, I have seen a different one at every appt so I havent really got a close relationship with any of them to discuss how scared I am. They whizzed through the birth plan with me in about 5 minutes. I'm not against any pain relief etc and have said I will go with the flow so to speak.

Does everyone feel like this beforehand?!? I think my wost fear is being cut or tearing and the after pain of that. Everyone seems to think I cope well with pain, I am quite a quiet person and dont really moan about things, but I have a feeling I will be awful in labour.

Im so sorry for such a moan.

x

Hi Honey

Totally normal way to feel. I felt like that with DD1. Was shocked as everyone told me I would know when I was in labour and I didn't!!! Luckly is was in hospital and was checked

With DD2 it was a planned section also totally terrifying

The best words I was given was to look at the process as ONE DAY of your life and go with the flow. I don't know anyone who has stuck by a birth plan they have all gone out of the window

Just make it clear that if you want drugs to get them. I knew with DD1 that I wanted an epidiral and got in put in sooner rather than later.

Good Luck & take care xx

chunkychocky

As long as you are happy to take the drugs, then there is no need to experience horrendous pain. Don't worry! They will not judge you and if you ask for an epidural or whatever they will give you one.

I had such fixed ideas in my head the first time around, no drugs etc but it was such a lengthy ordeal that I ended up having an epidural - he was back to back and arm first hence the ordeal and most unusual apparently. Second time around I didn't make any plans (and was absolutely dreading it) but had a water birth with no drugs, it was over in an instant and I could have skipped out of the hospital afterwards.

No two labours are the same so what works for one may not work for someone else or even the same person the second time around, so just go with the flow and if you think you need more pain killers ask for them.

sunshine_1988

tinkwings wrote: »

Hi Honey

Totally normal way to feel. I felt like that with DD1. Was shocked as everyone told me I would know when I was in labour and I didn't!!! Luckly is was in hospital and was checked

With DD2 it was a planned section also totally terrifying

The best words I was given was to look at the process as ONE DAY of your life and go with the flow. I don't know anyone who has stuck by a birth plan they have all gone out of the window

Just make it clear that if you want drugs to get them. I knew with DD1 that I wanted an epidiral and got in put in sooner rather than later.

Good Luck & take care xx

Thank you xxx

sassyblue

Ah sunshine, it's not *that* bad, and women can embellish the stories....

Two facts: it's going to hurt and you're going to get through it! If it gets too much have an epidural, as others have said - every pain is one less before you get to meet your baby.

As for tearing you probably won't even feel it at the time and they numb you when they stitch you up afterwards (l remember when l was pregnant it was the number of stitches you had that some women felt made them heroic :rotfl: ) And afterwards l never had any troubles with the tear (and l was cut on the other side too - forceps delivery in the end). Top tip: If you do get torn take a jug of warm water to the loo with you, sit with legs apart and pour the water in between your legs as you wee - it stops the stinging.

I must have been odd as l truly wasn't worried about my sons birth, l waited 8 years and numerous treatments for him so l was just grateful that l was going to be a mum at long last - l distinctly remember saying near the end 'l've changed my mind l don't want a baby' but l was out of my mind on the gas and air. That is WONDERFUL stuff btw... l'd have a tank of that for a Christmas or birthday present if l could. :rotfl:

I also thought l was being loud in labour but hubby and the nurse both said l never uttered a sound?!

Good luck sunshine and come back to let us know how you got on, if it helps just imagine us all there with you cheering you on. xxxx

sunshine_1988

sassyblue wrote: »

Ah sunshine, it's not *that* bad, and women can embellish the stories....

Two facts: it's going to hurt and you're going to get through it! If it gets too much have an epidural, as others have said - every pain is one less before you get to meet your baby.

As for tearing you probably won't even feel it at the time and they numb you when they stitch you up afterwards (l remember when l was pregnant it was the number of stitches you had that some women felt made them heroic :rotfl: ) And afterwards l never had any troubles with the tear (and l was cut on the other side too - forceps delivery in the end). Top tip: If you do get torn take a jug of warm water to the loo with you, sit with legs apart and pour the water in between your legs as you wee - it stops the stinging.

I must have been odd as l truly wasn't worried about my sons birth, l waited 8 years and numerous treatments for him so l was just grateful that l was going to be a mum at long last - l distinctly remember saying near the end 'l've changed my mind l don't want a baby' but l was out of my mind on the gas and air. That is WONDERFUL stuff btw... l'd have a tank of that for a Christmas or birthday present if l could. :rotfl:

I also thought l was being loud in labour but hubby and the nurse both said l never uttered a sound?!

Good luck sunshine and come back to let us know how you got on, if it helps just imagine us all there with you cheering you on. xxxx

Thank you, thats lovely advice. I'll definately remember the tip about the jug of water too

xxxx

shandyclover

I had 4 babies all born abroad. Gas and air was not on offer, and due to different policies I decided not to have pain relief.

With my first I admit I was pretty scared. I had a friend who was a doula and she made the whole experience positive. She practised breathing and relaxation with me before and then was with me the whole labour/birth. I don't know if they are expensive in UK or if that is a option for you - but made a world of difference to me. She gave me the mental of birth being like running a marathon. Yes, there is pain but you are doing it for a reason - you are running towards a goal. Like a marathon runner focus on the moment - the second you start panicking I can't do this for another 2-3 hours you will tense up and when you do will be even more painful. I had an epistomy thingy first birth - the dr told me after she did it - I honestly didn't know a thing. I tore with all the others but thats just what the drs told me, again no idea and like I said this is without any pain relief. I remember lying on the trolley 45 minutes after birth waiting to be moved to my room, thinking 'I could do that again'. Stiches will be sore but will be good in that they force you to move slowly. I had such a rush of enegy when I got home I would have spring cleaned the house if my stitches had not slown me down! Pee in a warm shower. Main thing I will say which no one warned me about - eat lots of fruit and veg to keep the stools soft (sorry it TMI) - stitches and constipation is not a joke! Wishing you all the best.

Griizelda

I always hoped (a tad unrealistically, it has to be said!) that I'd go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning to find the baby miracously there without me knowing anything about it:rotfl::rotfl:and I've had four!

As others have said, don't listen to the horror stories, ever. You will get though it, you will cope and afterwards you'll be so absorbed with your new baby the birth will go to the back of your mind.

As for the birth, there's no right or wrong way, just the way that's right for you. If you want pain relief, get it, if you don't, then don't. You'll be surprised and amazed and just what your body is capable of doing and even if things don't quite go to plan and medical intervention is needed, just remember how amazing your body is to have got you this far.

Good luck OP and I hope everything goes well for you and your OH.