I know I shouldn't be offended but...

BMSrachael

...I am a little bit. Although I do feel very guilty.

My partner proposed to me at Christmas. I knew something was going down, as he'd spent weeks telling me how he was skint and he'd been saving up for months and he'd spent soooo much money on a present for me but it was a big surprise- and I hadn't particularly asked for anything present-wise.

Obviously, I said yes and it was all lovely etc etc.

Anyway, this morning clearing out the paper bin I discover a receipt from the jewellers - which I know I shouldn't have looked at - but I did. Which surprised and miffed me considerably (we're talking two figures... probably actually less than i spent on his normal christmas presents!). It doesn't fit at all with the hints and ball park figures he's been dropping to me about how much it was since he gave me it... Also he told me it was 18ct gold and receipt says 9ct.

He did tell me he'd got it at a reduced price as the jewellers was closing down and I applauded him for his thriftiness! But I wasn't expecting it to me quite so, well, cheap...

Obviously I'm not going to tell him all of this. It doesn't make me not want to marry him or anything, and I know the ring is not the important thing in all of this. But I do so much for him, he literally never has to lift a finger, I pay for most things, I look after the house, cook all his meals as well as working full time and doing a part time degree and leading my own life. And I do it because I like looking after him and I know he loves me. But can't help thinking it would have been nice if he'd thought I was worth a little more, it is a once in a lifetime gesture surely...

I know, I know, I'm terrible

FATBALLZ

Yes, you are

SUESMITH_2

i know exactly how you feel. two options, one is say nowt and brood, number 2 is ask him about it? i would go with option 2 as i'm usre it will come out anyway

Emmzi

if you value your "worth" in £s you may as well go on the game. or buy your own ring!

burnoutbabe

no, you are not terrible.

tell him you need to value it for insurance purposes (ie if its worth more than £1k you'd need to stick it on the insurance individually, and see what he says.

or check the hallmark, it must show 9c versus 18c on it and then tell him "you are sure there is some mistake.

Him lying to you about something isn't the right way to start an engagement.

ruby-roo_2

It's not the price of the ring you wear that is important, its how you feel about the person who gave it to you that matters.

Reading between the lines, I think this reciept you found has made you question issues in your relationship, that have been niggling you but remained dorment till now. I get the impression that you have felt taken advantage of and under valued for a while. Has finding out how much was spent on the ring now compounded these feelings OP?

LisaB85

Maybe he feels just as bad as he couldn't get you a nice flashy ring and is too embarrassed to tell you.

londonsurrey

I know what you mean. It shows you're engaged to a blagger. And one who is doing quite well out of you, by the sounds of things. If you're happy with the real picture, that's great. If not, then it's a really good wake up call.

Tigsteroonie

BMSrachael wrote: »

But I do so much for him, he literally never has to lift a finger, I pay for most things, I look after the house, cook all his meals as well as working full time and doing a part time degree and leading my own life. And I do it because I like looking after him and I know he loves me. But can't help thinking it would have been nice if he'd thought I was worth a little more, it is a once in a lifetime gesture surely...

It's not good to start a marriage when you feel the relationship is so unbalanced.

burnoutbabe

to clarify, I'd be happy with a £50 ring as its just a symbol and I don't like flash jewlerry. I'd be very annoyed at someone lying about saving up and trying to "con" me about it.

And would make ME look a total fool if I showing it off to someone who knew it was a cheaper thing than I was claiming it to be.

anguk

I don't think you are terrible, if you just wanted an expensive ring so you could brag to your friends about it then yes but it seems to me that you're happy with the ring but just a bit disappointed that your boyfriend didn't feel you were worth more.

You say you pay for most things, do all the cooking and cleaning etc. Stop now! There will come a point where you will resent this plus your partner will just expect you to do it and he'll take you for granted. You work full time and you're studying, he should be doing his fair share of the cooking and housework. It's almost as if you're his mother.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I've seen so many couples where the woman does everything because she likes to look after her man, but years down the line the woman feels taken for granted and a doormat and the husband treats her that way.

I'll say to you what I've said to my daughter, start as you mean to go on. If you want to be an equal in your relationship don't take on the role of his mother, the more you do the more he'll expect it.

One thing that would make me wonder about the ring, you pay for most things, he claims to have been skint and saving hard yet the ring was inexpensive. So where has his money gone?