Seating etiquette in cars

musictomyears

I know this sounds petty, and I quite expect a flaming, but it's something that bothers me.

I bought my DH his car, with my own money shortly *before* we lived together, so it wasn't a case of 'joint' money iyswim. I don't drive, and he pays for the tax, insurance, MOT etc, out of our shared household budget. No problems, we 'supposedly' view the car as 'ours', though DH continually pulls rank, saying that as he pays for the running costs, then he's almost paid the cost of buying it. To that extent he at times begrudges driving me, saying I could catch a bus, and that he's not a taxi.

When my stepson was down, we took him to visit his baby sister's grave. He went to get in the back, but I offered him the front seat. Later DH said to me that he would have been upset with me if I hadn't. I was kind of taken back, I assumed (wrongly) that he'd see it as me recognising their limited time together, and the gesture. Instead he told me he'd have got angry if I hadn't, as his son has longer legs than me... fair enough, I'll let that one go.

The ones that get me though, are his friends. He offered a lift to a friend (male) when we were going out, and told his friend to get in the front. I was upset with him when alone, and asked why - after all it wasn't the leg issue, as this guy is way shorter than me! DH said it's manners to offer the male the chance to ride with another male.

We then gave this friend a lift with his wife, and again he got in the front with DH saying "I'll give you two girls a chance to natter", yet I HATE this woman, I really do. I also hate the hierarchal system that dicatates that a wife should sit in the car, if any other adult is given a lift!

I was in my late 30's when I got with DH, so I've spent my life coming second, and sitting in the back, I can't believe that now I'm married, and paid for a car, that I'm still relegated to the back. It may be grief that's making me feel this way, but I really do feel second best

System

Its not so much about seating arrangements its more to do with putting you first (which somehow he seems to have forgotten how to do)

thehappybutterfly

I think it's disrespectful. You're his wife and should sit up front. To me, the kids sit in the back and always will. If it's just me and the kids, the youngest one sits in the back. Mind you, I do most of the driving but in that case my hubby sits up front. Friends go in the back too. The only exception is my MIL and really because she's old and I've got a three door car and it's a right kerfuffle getting in and out the back!

Incidentally, I also take exception to the fact that your OH says he's not a taxi and makes you get the bus! What a bloody cheek.

duchy

Just develop a problem of feeling sick if you sit in the back seat so you HAVE to sit in the front

But this thread isn't about the car I suspect not really.

I think your OH sounds a selfish twit with anger issues -1 You don't relegate a woman to the back just to make room for a man (pretty much like walking on the outside of the pavement-bet he doesn't do that either) and 2 What kind of plonker would even consider getting angry over who sat where and make threats about it.

Quite honestly though if you are grieving you may not be seeing things as you usually do.....that may be a good thing or not .......although I couldn't imagine wanting to be with a man who thought that it was acceptable for me to get the bus when he could pick me up with very little trouble-whether I'd paid for the car or not !!

Mojisola

musictomyears wrote: »

I also hate the hierarchal system that dicatates that a wife should sit in the car, if any other adult is given a lift!

There is no hierarchal system - just your OH's ideas.

It only keeps happening because you're allowing it. Start standing up for yourself.

VikkiiKawaii

duchy wrote: »

Just develop a problem of feeling sick if you sit in the back seat so you HAVE to sit in the front

But this thread isn't about the car I suspect not really.

I think your OH sounds a selfish twit with anger issues -1 You don't relegate a woman to the back just to make room for a man (pretty much like walking on the outside of the pavement-bet he doesn't do that either) and 2 What kind of plonker would even consider getting angry over who sat where and make threats about it.

This!

I used the sick excuse A LOT when I was younger (and still do )

generaloneill

"Shotgun, front seat" /close thread.

poet123

No hierarchical system here either. The only times I sit in the back are when I am picked up last and someone is already in the front seat. Even with our sons in the car, they go in the back. If travelling with another couple and all getting in at the same time I may say I will sit in the back with my friend, but generally even then I sit in the front seat.

I would be livid if my husband had said he would have been angry if I had not given my seat up....

As for the taxi quip, well, words fail me.

Mojisola

musictomyears wrote: »

I was in my late 30's when I got with DH, so I've spent my life coming second, and sitting in the back, I can't believe that now I'm married, and paid for a car, that I'm still relegated to the back.t

Is this a one-off example or does he treat you as second-class all the time?

I don't understand why you felt you were coming second while you were single. That's usually the time in your life when you get the chance to be what you want and do what you want without having to compromise.

krlyr

We're not even married but I always sit in the front seat of OH's car and him in the front of mine. The only exceptions are if either one of us choose to offer our seat to someone else - OH might let my nan take his place for example, as the front seat is comfier, or might give it up to my 6' 4" stepdad if we're giving him a lift too, and I might offer to sit in the back of his car if I know he wants to catch up and natter to his friend on the drive somewhere as it's a lot easier to have a conversation with them next to you, but the "default" position is the pair of us in the front, people getting a lift in the back.
But there's no "rule" to it - if you were happy with sitting in the back, there's nothing wrong with that. Sounds like the situation here is not the position you're sitting in but the way your OH goes about it, and that's something you'll have to discuss or take action on regardless of where I, the previous poster or the next poster sit in their OH's car.

andygb

Your OH sounds a bit chauvinistic IMO, because if the wife and I go out in the car with passengers, and I am driving, then I automatically think that she will sit in the front with me as she always does. Only in the case of someone who is disabled or very tall would we change this way of doing things. My wife doesn't come second to anyone, not family or mates.