How to ask for cash as wedding present?

jonny_boy_5

Hi,

I am new to this forum as I am justing starting the wedding off.

I am getting married next year to my wonderful girlfriend but I am here as I do not know what to do with the wedding site. We have lived together for 5 years, have a son and our house is perfect (almost).

We are funding the whole day ourselves by saving and working hard.... not just so the guests have a nice drink and plenty of food but we want to have a day we remember... it not a mad one but perfect for us.

We do want a honeymoon and are saving hard for that too but help for that would be appreciated as that is all we need. We dont want to ask for money but that is what we need out of everything really.... we dont expect anything either before i get people rowing at me LOL! we have family and friends that are coming to the day that will make it special but as tradition goes gifts are most of the time passed over to the bride and groom so i am really sking HOW TO WORD IT on my wedding website and maybe the cards.

parents are telling close friends and family... so any help would be appreciated.... i feel i have entered the lions den here but hey.....

maplegirl2011

we got an invite once with a note asking for money as a present and even included their bank details to pay money into directly or to spread the cost over a few months with a standing order.

showtunesgirl

For our wedding, it's very simple, we are asking for cash and saying it's traditional as I'm Chinese! I understand that this is not an option for everyone though!

However, I really don't see any harm in asking for cash these days. Everyone knows what the escalating costs of weddings are and my true friends would understand that it would be the best wedding gift that they could give as my partner and I have been together for over seven years now and we really don't need another toaster!

Glad

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LSW

I started to look at this forum to get some wedding gift list ideas, but I have to say this thread has left this bride to be completely depressed.

I'm not really sure why some people have to be so mean. It is perfectly fair to express your opinions, but when people are experiencing something they will (hopefully) only do once in their life - plan a wedding - why do you have to be so down on them (this is meant to be a fun happy time for them). If you dont like being asked for money - fair enough - but sarcastic comments suggesting people charge their guests for meals or saying that it would be plain rude - are just judgemental and unhelpful (and plain nasty).

As far as ideas go - some of the posts are interesting and helpful and these suggestions are definately appreciated by me! In my quest for the perfect (and least offensive) gift list I have come across the 'my perfect gift' website. The site is similar the the 'what to give' website (but I think a little prettier). You can list gifts from any website (so if you can find the same item on several sites you can pick the cheapest for your guests convenience) and you can also put requests for contributions towards something particular that you may be saving up for. For those of you who are offended by requests for cash - you may want to stop reading.

We have asked for contributions towards home improvements and we will have lived together for 4 years by the time we get married in May. I know that the people we are asking just want to get us something that we actually need, and would appreciate the honesty.

We have also listed items from different websites of varying values, including gift vouchers so that there isnt really a minimum spend limit. Of course we are happy for guests to just bring themselves, but we are keeping the numbers down for the wedding - and to be completely honest we're not asking anyone who cares little enough about us (or are tight enough) to not want to bring anything at all - just as a gesture.

I hope that this remotely helps someone. I wont be checking back here as I dont really fancy reading the barrage of abuse that this post may get by the looks of some earlier posts. To those of you who did add useful information and tried to help with thoughts on the subject, thank you.

farah131

We genuinely didn't want any gifts (cash or objects) from people as so many of them had travelled huge distances to make our big day so we wrote a letter sent along with our invitations that we didn't want any gifts. We received mostly cash, but also vouchers from John Lewis and Debenhams-which was a lovely, but very unexpected surprise. We gave a lot of the money to charity and used the vouchers for things around the house....maybe you could say that you don't want any gifts and those who do want to give you something will give you cash?

Just a thought?
Farah

bluetimone97

Is there anyway you could set up an anonymous cash donations box, would mean those that wanted to could give and those with less money would not be embarassed if they only stuck a fiver in....
Could mention in the invitations that "There is nothing we currently need but there will be an cash donation box where you can make an anonymous donation towards our honeymoon, new kitchen etc"

clairet707

Weve got married recently and did have a gift list as although we have lived together for a few years, most of our stuff is still our student stuff and is consequently falling apart (our toaster died 2 months ago and we couldnt wait so bought that ourselves).

We had our list at John Lewis and although we didnt put the info in with the invitations, we put a bit about it on the info sheet directing people to our website where the details were. Gifts on our list ranged from £2.50 to £115

Most of which was bought except for a few things which we will buy with the gift vouchers that were bought for us.

A couple of people bought things of their own choice. We had two bottles of champagne - H doesnt drink and I drink rarely so they have gone to waste and my brother (who should know us better) bought us an ice cream maker and desert glasses - which we probably will never use. Both of us feel guilty at taking them back but if we will never use them and have no space for them then what do we do?? I feel like asking him why he couldnt just buy something off the list or even give us vouchers for JL but instead he went to Selfridges which is near on impossible for us to get to anyway.

Gift lists are there for a reason, so you dont get stuff you dont want / need. I like the idea of honeymoon vouchers but I really dislike the idea of cash - its rude!

december

Each to their own at the end of the day. Only you know your guests best and to be honest after being a guest at a number of weddings where the items in my price range had already been snapped up and the only things left were things like washing machines, we decided to ask for money if people felt they wanted to give us something. I don't care what others think of it to be honest as I know my family and friends best and as our wedding is only a small one anyway anyone I would be likely to offend is not on the gift list

Edited to add - I don't personally see how asking for vouchers is any different to asking for cash to be honest. We thought about setting up a honeymoon account at our local travel agents or asking for thomas cook vouchers for example but then we might end up paying over the odds for something we could have gotten cheaper on the internet.

No-one can tell you whether you are right or wrong to ask for cash, it's just your own opinion versus theirs.

December

tiamai_d

You could do as my friends did.

In the invite was this poem...

Because at first we lived sin,
We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin,
A gift from you would be swell,
But we'd prefere a donation to our wishing well!

And a little bit about what they intended to do with the cash, for them it was a honeymoon that they could not take at that time (work commitments and army commitments).

For you it could be something else.

At the reception, they had a wishing well set up for the 'gifts' and a little dish with little 'wish' favours that you received in return for your gift.

It worked for me, yes they were asking for cash but it didn't seem so... cheeky this way.