How to ask for cash as wedding present?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Weddings & Anniversaries
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  • dawnybabes wrote:
    I knew a couple who got married and had a huge do, loads of people. They where very comfortable and the brides mum had died a few years b4 from breast cancer so they asked people for donations on the day to BC amd provided tins on the tables & bar. They must have had 150 to the day and over 300 at night and they collected (wait for it) ..... £230.00 of which £90 was from us as a collection from work. They where distraught and commented afterwards that they would rather have had presents and sold them and they would probably raised more.

    :eek: God thats awful. :eek: What is wrong with people these days, i dont have much but a few pounds going toward bc never goes amiss.
  • Acc72Acc72 Forumite
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    i cant be doing with a miserable lot tonight. would say thanks for the input but you've not helped. not asked for your opinion, just asked for a way of wording something. i know our guests were more than happy to put money towards something we really wished for.

    end of.


    Hi BM,

    I cannot believe some of the posts you have written.

    When you raise a question / issue on a public forum, you must accept that some views may not be congruent with your own - such as is life.

    My own opinion is that it is disgraceful for a couple to ask for cash and I would never attend such a wedding on principle (this is not meant to offend, but is merely my opinion).

    Why do we expect to receive presents anyway ?

    We need to step back and realise that in previous generations, people were given gifts of toasters and irons etc. to help them to set up home together.

    As many people getting married these days already live together, they already have these domestic items.
  • EmmsEmms Forumite
    956 Posts
    Acc72 wrote:
    Hi BM,

    I cannot believe some of the posts you have written.

    When you raise a question / issue on a public forum, you must accept that some views may not be congruent with your own - such as is life.

    My own opinion is that it is disgraceful for a couple to ask for cash and I would never attend such a wedding on principle (this is not meant to offend, but is merely my opinion).

    Why do we expect to receive presents anyway ?

    We need to step back and realise that in previous generations, people were given gifts of toasters and irons etc. to help them to set up home together.

    As many people getting married these days already live together, they already have these domestic items.


    Not everyone expects to receive presents but some people will want to buy you one regardless of whether you make a list or not which means they end up waisting money on things that you dont actually need or want. Ive lost count of the number of things that people have got me over the years that I would never use. The thought is appreciated but the waisted money is pointless.

    I wouldnt have any problems with giving money, we were thinking about doing the confetti wish list for our wedding but for various reasons but we have ended up with a small list with a few things on it that we need or would like to have but we have also said that if people do want to give us a gift but they dont want to buy a present then vouchers for whatever stores would be nice as were moving house soon and they would help with furnishing and decorating etc, or dollars for our honeymoon.

    Emma
  • pollyanna24pollyanna24 Forumite
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    Haven't bothered reading the whole thread, but just thought I would input ...

    I can see why you need help in politely phrasing something. :rotfl: :rotfl:
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  • I'd say something like:

    "If you are kindly thinking of buying us a gift to celebrate our Wedding and would like some ideas, we have set up a list at XXXXX.

    Alternatively, we are trying to save up for a once in a lifetime trip for our Honeymoon, therefore if you wish to put something towards this it will be gratefully accepted."


    I have to agree with BM here, this thread is not here to request people's views on asking for gifts, it's here asking for advice on phrasing such a letter.

    If you're not going to offer any help, I don't see any reason for you to post here and only offer criticism.

    On a personal note, If I go to a wedding I know that I'd rather buy something for the couple that they want and need rather than something that will sit unused in a cupboard for 20 years until it's finally thrown out.

    I really don't see the problem, gift buying is optional. If you don't want to get them anything then don't, if you want to get them something personal instead then do that. However, I think it's wrong to criticise people for making gift suggestions because often people don't know what to buy them.

    It's not about greed, it's about the fact that most couples live together before marriage these days and thus already have everything they need for the house.
  • apples1apples1 Forumite
    1.2K Posts
    I agree with many posts that it is very bad manners to ask for money as a wedding gift. I actually don't believe you should ask for anything (and that includes sending out a wedding list with you invitations!).

    A member of our my family did the awful "we want your prescence not presents" thing followed by "but if you wish you can contribute to the fund we have set up to help fund our marital home". They were already living together in an owned property but just before the wedding bought a half a million pound house. They then sent out a group e mail with their bank account number and sort code so people could transfer them some money! I am not joking!!

    We made a donantion to charity instead and send a card with our wedding card telling them which charity had received the donation.
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  • super41super41 Forumite
    245 Posts
    apples1 wrote:
    They were already living together in an owned property but just before the wedding bought a half a million pound house. They then sent out a group e mail with their bank account number and sort code so people could transfer them some money! I am not joking!!

    That's truly awful and goes to show that just because you have money doesn't mean you have taste.

    The fact there are no more hard and fast rules of etiquette for areas such as weddings I think has led to such huge differences of opinion aroud this particular topic. I also think people are much more mercenary in our consumerist society. I would not be surprised if there was a distinct generation difference between those for and against cash.
  • seven-day-weekendseven-day-weekend Forumite
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    On our silver anniversary, we held a party and SPECIFICALLY mentioned 'no gifts please, just bring yourselves and a bottle of plonk' as we knew we would not like silverware or glasssware and it was a waste of people's money.

    Guess what? We STILL got silverware and glassware! Some of it has never been out of the box ten years later. What a shame.

    So for our Ruby in five years time, we are going to say the same, but say if people really wish to give something then they can donate to two charities that we support.

    Hopefully then we won't get any foul red glassware.... Red wine will be OK though!

    People do like to think they have contributed something. I LOVE the idea of sponsoring a fence panel! That is my sort of gift!
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  • JustieJustie Forumite
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    Acc72 wrote:
    Hi BM,
    My own opinion is that it is disgraceful for a couple to ask for cash and I would never attend such a wedding on principle (this is not meant to offend, but is merely my opinion).
    how sad that you wouldn't celebrate with friends or family because you don't agree with them
  • ben500ben500
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    Justie wrote:
    how sad that you wouldn't celebrate with friends or family because you don't agree with them

    I don't think the op was suggesting that, just the greedy ones
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