How to ask for cash as wedding present?

char9

When my OH's sister got married, they were living with his mum to save money and didn't have the space to store gifts.

The bride's mum wrote a really nice poem that they put in the invitations which basically said:

Our house is overflowing, the most important thing to us is that you are there to celebrate with us, but if you do decide you want to give us a gift, we don't mean to be cheeky but it would be far more helpful if you gave us cash.

Except it rhymed and scanned and stuff...

Nicki

KidMoe wrote:

Depends on whether you've got a decent group of friends or not. If I believed my friends would slag me off behind my back because I asked for cash on my wedding day then they wouldn't be invited in the first place.

It also depends on whether you are only inviting your closest friends to the wedding though. Most people invite some work colleagues, friends of the family and relatives too and they will not always share your views.

We were invited last year to a colleague of my husband's wedding in Spain over two days (apparently the way weddings are done out there). We felt we had to go because my husband works closely with the groom. We forked out for two flights, two nights accommodation, 24 hour babysitting for the children who we left at home for three days, lost a days holiday of hubbie. Bride and Groom had also requested cash on invite and provided their bank details so people could make direct deposits. We spent an arm and a leg on it all, including what we felt was a reasonable donation, despite the fact this was a work colleague and we have never really socialised with them before or since. Wedding was last Spring and we're still waiting for the bride to get round to her thank you letters! FWIW we thought the initial request was a bit tacky at the time and in light of the complete lack of acknowledgement (not even anything oral) more than a bit cheeky in hindsight

Xh2oX

When we got married I did not have a wedding list...I never gave it a though...all we wanted was for everyone we invited to turn up and make it a great day.

We married 300 miles from where we lived so some friends had a long way to travel....alot to ask when you think of hotels, petrol, time off work etc.

Everyone ended up ringing my mum and asking what we wanted ! All I told her to tell everyone was just turn up thats all they want! We still got some great gifts and vouchers but for us we really didnt care as we did not want anything apart from as i say again a great day......which it turned out to be.

I would do it the same way again. People have different opinions on this subject I know. My sister got married last year and as they lived together and had everything for their home they also asked for moneyto put toward new sofa and chairs. It was really hard for my sister to do this as she felt really cheeky doing it. In the end she put note in with the invites but on the day she had a nice mixture of money and gifts.

Up to the guests really at the end of the day.

Money_Maker_Shaker

Bloomin Freezing will you be passing on the general gist of the comments on this thread to your friend? I obviously don't mean word for word but the fact there is an overall theme that a number of people might be offended if cash is requested?

Probably best for her/him to be forewarned if they still wish to ask for cash.

Best wishes

MMS

SmileyHappyBeing

One prob with lists i guess is once all the cheap presents are gone what do you do then?

Ebany

Nicki wrote:

Wedding was last Spring and we're still waiting for the bride to get round to her thank you letters! FWIW we thought the initial request was a bit tacky at the time and in light of the complete lack of acknowledgement (not even anything oral) more than a bit cheeky in hindsight

Out of curiosity, why do you feel it is the brides job to do all the thankyou cards? I told my hubby that I would do the ones to my side, and he could do his side, this was pretty easy to work out as we have few mutual friends. So far, he still hasn't done anything, while I finally sorted mine out. Considering at the time I was working full time and he was lazing about at home waiting to become a student, I didn't see why I should be the one getting hand cramp and having to think of things to say, especially when I don't even know who most of the people on his side even were!

SmileyHappyBeing

Ebany wrote:

Out of curiosity, why do you feel it is the brides job to do all the thankyou cards? I told my hubby that I would do the ones to my side, and he could do his side, this was pretty easy to work out as we have few mutual friends. So far, he still hasn't done anything, while I finally sorted mine out. Considering at the time I was working full time and he was lazing about at home waiting to become a student, I didn't see why I should be the one getting hand cramp and having to think of things to say, especially when I don't even know who most of the people on his side even were!

Surely its just polite?

They still took the time out to come to BOTH of yours wedding, I'd have thought they all deserved a reply.. even if you did hardly know them.. I suppose if you ever meet them again you can just explain that you couldnt be bothered to do his side :rolleyes: I know you say your hubby should off done them but either way i think its just polite to reply..

Nicki

Traditionally its the bride's responsibility in the same way as traditionally its the grooms responsibility to make the speech at the reception. There's nothing to stop people swopping roles but if the job doesn't get done, the buck stops with the one whose traditional responsibility it is in my view.

As far what to do if the cheap presents are gone, if the list is at a named shop - eg Debenhams - then you buy gift vouchers for the shop in the same value as the gift you would have bought. The bride and groom can then pool all the vouchers to buy one of the bigger presents on their list which they wouldn't otherwise have got. More tricky if no named shop - maybe pool resources with friends also going to the wedding to buy something bigger

bloomin_freezing

Money_Maker_Shaker wrote:

Bloomin Freezing will you be passing on the general gist of the comments on this thread to your friend? I obviously don't mean word for word but the fact there is an overall theme that a number of people might be offended if cash is requested?

Probably best for her/him to be forewarned if they still wish to ask for cash.

Best wishes

MMS

Not in so many words...i may suggest they have a small gift list also. although as it has been said, sometimes they can be found offensive! what on earth is the world coming to?? I suppose next children should stop writing to father christmas incase he gets offended? thanks so much for every comment, i didn't realise it would get so many people so excited!

Frugal_Fox

Okay - firstly I HAVE not read all of the thread...

When I got married 10 years ago we did not have a wedding list. We'd lived together for 2 years before we married and didn't really need anything... except a new fence for the back garden - which we couldn't afford at the time. When guest returned the invite - which incidently was to a blessing only as we married abroad, just the two of us, they asked for our wedding list. I responded individually either by letter or phone and explained we didn't have a list as we didn't need anything - unless they fancied 'sponsoring' a fence panel.

Some laughed and said "no, really what do you want?"

In then end we ended up with our fence - which is still standing, as is our marriage, but we also unfortunately ended up with a few sets of two champagne flutes (we don't drink), 3 picnic hampers.... people knew we liked picnicing - but we already had one, plus other 'suitable' wedding gifts - towels etc.

I appreciate the thought that people put into choosing the gifts they bought for us - but I also feel guilty that they wasted their money as we didn't need it - and most has gone unused and eventually has been either sold or given away.

I think the best thing your friend can do is to NOT put a list or a request in with the invitations. If a guest requests to know what they can buy - then your friend should contact them personally. If she's expecting money then she needs to be able to ask for it in person. A standard 'line' may offend some people - something I'm sure no-one would want to do deliberately.

Okay it didn't completely work for me as I still got unwanted items, so maybe request gift vouchers if they don't fancy 'sponsoring' their honeymoon - which I'd be happy to do should a friend ask me!!

Good luck