Having problems with DD2 now :(

daska

the_cat wrote: »

It is not his other child. He is the stepfather

He is only human. His first instinct will be to protect his daughter

It is his other child. He is the stepfather. (I'm presuming that he took on that role voluntarily). He should have equal concern for all his children.

the_cat

Getting bogged down in the whole bedtime issue is not really helping surely? We are all individuals and as long as it works for us, quite frankly who cares what time we send our kids to bed

It is the reaction to the request to settle down to bed that is the issue, not the actual time itself. If it had been 11pm rather than 8pm would it have changed the daughters viewpoint? Unlikely. Seems more likely to be a reluctance (or inability) to comply to her mothers rules rather than a thought through rebellion to an unreasonable bedtime

peachyprice

the_cat wrote: »

If it had been 11pm rather than 8pm would it have changed the daughters viewpoint?

I think in this instance yes, a slightly later bedtime might change the daughters viewpoint. She's constantly craving her mother's attention and reassurance but she only gets half an hour of her mum to herself before being sent to her room, so that her mum can spend QT with her step dad, who in turn has made it quite clear he doesn't want her there.

Tamsin_Temrin

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1418592-To-think-that-its-the-parents-in-the-wrong-in-this-situation

Just saying - stuff spreads

eta - dont feel qualified to offer in foul situation, just OP, watch your back & good luck

victory

Has the stepdad make it clear to the DD that he does not want her there or to his wife?

victory

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1418592-To-think-that-its-the-parents-in-the-wrong-in-this-situation

Just saying - stuff spreads

eta - dont feel qualified to offer in foul situation, just OP, watch your back & good luck

Crumbs I never knew that, never even thought of anyone posting a forum thread on another thread uhm makes you wonder

gingin_2

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1418592-To-think-that-its-the-parents-in-the-wrong-in-this-situation

Just saying - stuff spreads

eta - dont feel qualified to offer in foul situation, just OP, watch your back & good luck

Heartening that the Mumsnet posters berated their OP, though. Let's hope it gets deleted there.

And I wouldn't worry what others think. If it helps Darlyd and her daughter to post here then she should continue to do so.

daska

There's a very good point made on the mumsnet thread though, CAMHS appointments aren't just thrown about willy nilly. And, in my experience, the first line in CAMHS don't do onward referrals when they think it's as simple as a parenting problem. There is undoubtedly an underlying problem here and darlyd is obviously not lacking in willingness to try to solve it. It's taken us 4 years and about a grand so far. It's taken Teabag longer and a lot more. Personally I wish darlyd well and hope that her referral comes through sooner rather than later if she can't afford a time machine.

Darlyd

WOW

Thank you for all the replies.

I will be honest I had steam coming out of my ears reading some replies. But your all entitled to your opinion.

OK DD1 gets up at 6.30am every school morning, her school starts at 8am, DH and I only get an hour a night as he goes to bed for 9 as he is up at 3.30am for work, so yes I think 8pm is bed time for DD1, and lights off at 9pm as her bedroom is right next to ours, DH needs his sleep. (weekends are different she in bed for 9, turns her own lights off when she wants). DD2 goes to bed for 6.30, dvd on till 7.30, she used to be asleep by the time dvd finished. Oh DD1 goes bed for 9 on a Monday (youth club), Tuesday (kick boxing), and Wednesday (guides).

I am looking into PDA, have read all links posted, the one on mumsnet has been deleted though.

I tell my kids I love them every day more than once, tell them how pretty/beautiful they are, how clever they are, how proud I am of them, worded differently for DD1 for obvious reasons.

As for care, no I do not want DD1 to go to care, but I would like some respite now and then, MIL can't handle her anymore, my parents have her now and then in holidays (they live 300 miles away), Just so I can spend time with DD2 on my own, all my attention is on DD1, when I am not working I am with DD1, playing games, painting nails, cuddling, doing hair (she loves her hair plaited), walking dogs, shopping, out for mcdonalds just us 2. So how anyone can say we do not have time together is beyond me. Also if I have been called to work when she knows I am not working (nothing gets planned, it's a go with the flow), she will go mad.

Just got to wait for psychotherapist and psychologist appointment to come through for more tests, but yes CAHMS see a problem going on there, she is not a normal 12 year old.

Thanks again for replies.

julie03

darlyd , i really hope you get the help that you and your daughter need and you can find a way forward.

i have a son who is autistic so can relate a little with your situation though my son does have behavourial issues they are not as severe as your daughters

i honestly think until you live with a child with problems like this day in day out 24/7 , its really hard to understandwhat the situation is like


good luck x