My Dad 'tricked' me into giving him £5,000 & now can't afford to pay me it back

kaylz39

Tixy wrote: »

I would confront him, I would say to him - 'you stole my inheritance and this is a lot of money to me and you don't even seem to be sorry'. And I would ask him to sign something that says he agrees he owes you this money.

Are you certain sis will not lend to him? he won't succeed in convincing her behind your back? Does she know about your money?

No, my Mum appointed 2 trustees of both of our funds and they have to agree any money that's drawn on it. I think they would consult me first before giving her such a large amount of money.

To be honest she's just as mad by what he's done to me, she's even offered to give me the money he owe's me but I refused because I know she has no chance of getting it back from him.

elvis86

I just want to echo that I am shocked, appalled, and disgusted by some of the responses the OP has received.

Apples2 wrote: »

Are you really going to kick him whilst he is down over a paltry £5k?

Sounds like you aren't desperate for it, but moreover, you just fancy having that little bit more. Maybe you've explained it poorly but I sympathise with your Dad here.

pearl123 wrote: »

OP - By your responses to peoples replies you don't sound like you've got alot of humanity.

Do you really want to kick a parent down when they are in trouble financially? !

LovelyLeeds wrote: »

Thing is, if you'd saved the money and given the money to your dad to invest I would have every sympathy for you, but this money was gifted to you from your mother's estate, so you didn't earn it.
Forgive your dad the 'debt' - it's gone and from what you say, he doesn't have the means to pay you back, so why continue to pursue it?
The nicest thing you can do as a human being, and as a caring daughter to your dad, is to say, 'don't worry dad, the money's gone, and that is that let's move on from it'.

pearl123 wrote: »

I couldn't agree more. This would be the compassionate thing to do.
I do suspect OP is rather young, as I really think it would be less likely that someone who is more mature would try and claw back money under such a sitution.

CHR15 wrote: »

Nice to see family values alive and strong on MSE.

Sounds like dad is already under 20k of debt, with the best will in the World the return of OP's five grand simply is not possible.
There are so many replies which will only have one result, the 5k MIGHT be repaid (but very unlikely) and this Family will never speak again.

It's almost upsetting to see so many people act like the beying crowd trying to drive a huge wedge right into the heart of what little is left of this family.

No matter what family do, they are still your family.
Maybe look at it another way op, you might want a kidney or some bone marrow off the thieving scumbag one day.

As for the rest of you who see nothing more than 5k and a thief, I hope you don't experience difficult family moments, you only get one family in this world.

I can only assume that the likes of the above are also the kind of irresponsible, debt-ridden low-lives that would, in their warped minds, justify stealing from their own children to pay for whatever indulgence they "needed" at any given time; and that they have personal experience of emotionally blackmailing people by tugging at their heartstrings, urging them to "put family first" etc. Absolutely disgraceful attitudes.

The OP is immature, lacks humanity, doesn't value her relationship with her dad, and didn't deserve the money anyway?! Where do you people get off?!

Her mother died and her father stole her inheritence! I'm gobsmacked that anyone, even the most hardcore "moneysavers" (ie those who borrow with no intention of paying back, and always want something for nothing, regardless of where or whom it is taken from) can twist this situation in the favour of the father?!:mad:

Personally I would want absolutely nothing to do with this man, even if he was the last living relative I had in the world. His 18 year old daughter turned to him in the months following her mum's death, she trusted her dad to advise her as to how best to invest her inheritence for her future, and he stole from her to get his driveway repaved. What a piece of !!!!!!.

What possible value will a man like that add to this woman's life, that justifies her maintaining a relationship with him at all costs?

Voyager2002

OP: you do need to place your interests on the record.

He is going through divorce; mediation is taking place over a financial settlement; some of the money that is being divided is your money. You need to ensure that none of your money is used to settle his obligations to his current partner, and that means that all the professional involved in his divorce need to know the situation.

You mention that there is still a fair amount of equity in his house: some of that money is yours, and it would be reasonable for you to take a charge on the house and possibly have your name added to the deeds. Personally, I think it would be reasonable to ask for this and if necessary threaten to talk to the police if he fails to cooperate. Remember that at some point in the future his house may be sold to pay care home fees, and at that point you need the paperwork to show clearly that some of the resulting money is yours.

MentalMinnie

wallpaperman wrote: »

Totally out of order response. Dad didn't use the money to put food on the table, pay for essentials, he used if to subsidise a lifestyle he clearly couldn't afford.

He should have ring fenced the money from the outset, but it sadly sounds like he intended to use it for other things from the outset (though perhaps pay it back if times were good). I'm sure the OP feels bad about bringing this up, but if it was my dad I would think less of him, much less to be honest.

Agreed, what the dad did was bang out of order. 'Palty'?! !!!!!!?! When has £5k been palty?

auntiesue

kaylz39 wrote: »

Hi Guys,

This isn't something I would have liked to have published in a forum but I don't really have anyone else to discuss it with.

It's pretty long & complicated, but please bear with me...

When I was 15 my Mum passed away leaving her estate to me and my younger sister. It all went into a trust fund, work pensions I had access to at 18 and everything else at 21. When I turned 18 I received around £10,000, at the time my Dad & step-mum said I should place half of it in an ISA which they said should give me back around £20 a month in interest (this may be completely wrong, but at 18 I didn't know otherwise). As I didn't 'need' it I gave them the £5,000 (I think it was in cheque form, but cant be sure) and they said they would sort it out for me as my Dad was with RBS he said he would get a better deal.

Anyway when I turned 23 I thought about asking for the money but wasn't desperate for it, me and my Fiance had bought our house a few years ago so I decided not to ask for it. I mentioned it to my Dad and he said it's waiting for me. Soon after that my Dad and step-mum split up and are still now going through mediation to divide everything. About 18 months ago I got engaged and told my Dad I would need to money for the wedding, I knew he couldn't help me out at all so me & my Husband were paying for it all ourselves. My Dad gave me some of my money back for my dress, paid the venue deposit and that's it- the rest we saved for. So after the interest I should have been getting, I thought I had £5,000+ left.

In conversation with my Dad regarding his divorce he's told me he has no savings, only his house which there's about £40k in equity in (they've put a conservatory, cars & land on the mortgage) and they also have about £20k in debts (I haven't a clue how they've got into this mess). I asked about my money and he basically admitted that they didn't put it into an ISA. At the time they switched to a one account mortgage and put it into that, which they actually used to pave their driveway!!!!!

So as he's is debt and has no savings, there's basically no money to give me. Me and my husband are currently trying to buy a bigger house, we've reserved a new build which the deposit is due for in May. We're saving extra hard, but that £5,000 would give us the remainder of what we need. I just don't know what to do, I can't exactly take him to court and he says he physically doesn't have the money to give me! I'm just worried because when their divorce does go through and they walk away with nothing between them, I'm still no closer to getting my £5,000.

Any advice you guys can give me would really really help me out...thank you!

At the risk of being flamed I also think that the dad is in the wrong.

The bit in bold stands out to me. There is 40k equity in the house and 20k of debt. This will leave 20k when the house is sold.
Also.... does the step-mum not have any responsibility in this, she also gained a nice new driveway from the OP's money??
Have you spoke to your step-mum about this?

LovelyLeeds

elvis86 wrote: »

I can only assume that the likes of the above are also the kind of irresponsible, debt-ridden low-lives that would, in their warped minds, justify stealing from their own children to pay for whatever indulgence they "needed" at any given time; and that they have personal experience of emotionally blackmailing people by tugging at their heartstrings, urging them to "put family first" etc. Absolutely disgraceful attitudes.

Oh you very silly person - do try to stop making inaccurate assumptions - you make yourself look errrr inaccurate.
There are two sides to every story, we have only the OP's so far.
I'm rather hoping you never serve on a jury where a degree of commonsense, impartiality and intelligence is needed.

(footie notie: no debt, no mortgage, money in shares for children :A)

rdchick

I think the bit about using your inheritance to buy a driveway sticks out for me most.

I see inheritance as a sort of 'final memory' of someone, so if you're mum gave you some money when she died that money should be used to make a memory and to be a part of your life. It's not like you want the money for the sake of wanting it, you trusted your dad and his advice, he's gone behind your back and spent it.

I think you should explain to your dad that you want that money back, I don't know how divorces work but you should ask to get your £5000 back from the equity of the house.

Hope you find a resolution soon xxx

Apples2

MentalMinnie wrote: »

'Palty'?! !!!!!!?! When has £5k been palty?

I used the word Paltry to describe the value of my parents to me.

There is an obvious concensus most people don't value their parents at £5k, okay, I'll accept that.

You only get one father in this world, the majority have condemned him like a KKK hunt and ramped up such ill feeling there is never any way back for this beleagured remnant of a family, still at least it is "someone else" who will never have any dealings with their own family... well thats okay.

We had a post some time ago from a woman whose little cherub (about 6yrs old IIRC) received a lump sum inheritance. The parents were on here looking for ways to access the money, they even suggested charging the dearest daughter rent (at 6 years old!!) so they could get their hands on the money.
The opinion was overwhelming, yes, even I joined in explaining what I thought of them.

I would have done the same to the OP's father if he posted outlining his "master plan" for this £5k.

Families can be difficult, nasty, rude, obstinate and a whole host of other things, but you get what you are given. You only have one Family and for the princely sum of £5k is most definitely NOT worth losing it.

I accept some of you have never exerienced £5k, but this was for a wedding dress and some other such trivia, hardly enough to warrant burning someone at the stake for.

There are ALWAYS more than one side to a story, but it appears more than enough for most of you to put someones head on a block, Tried, Convicted and Sentanced M'Lord.

Sounds like if some of you have parents who (heaven forbid) need care in their later lives you will simply roll them into the nearest NHS Hospital and gleefully await the inheritance. If not, you siblings will be mustering a lot more than £5k.

Lets all agree that we hope the OP and Father never have any lifechanging experiences which would result in them needing each other.

Flame away :beer:

kaylz39

auntiesue wrote: »

At the risk of being flamed I also think that the dad is in the wrong.

The bit in bold stands out to me. There is 40k equity in the house and 20k of debt. This will leave 20k when the house is sold.
Also.... does the step-mum not have any responsibility in this, she also gained a nice new driveway from the OP's money??
Have you spoke to your step-mum about this?

I've not to be honest, I haven't spoken to her in the last year because my Dad felt I was siding with her in the whole matter of the divorce by speaking to her...so its just easier if I don't.

I actually think there's a little more debt than he's admitting to me. I never thought about the debt being added to the total amount. Do you think this is possible, legally?

kaylz39

LovelyLeeds wrote: »

There are two sides to every story, we have only the OP's so far.

The facts are he took £5,000 off me to put in an ISA and used the money to block pave his driveway...it's inexcusable to matter what the circumstances.

You mention you have shares to pass onto your children in your footer, would you take £5,000 of this money off your 18 year old son/daugther telling them you're investing it for them and then spend it on something for yourself. Would you?