My Dad 'tricked' me into giving him £5,000 & now can't afford to pay me it back

DelBoyPhil

Its pretty simple to me. Your dad stole it and lied.

The issue is not the money, the issue is the trust in the future.

kaylz39

pineapple wrote: »

You didn't meet my mother then...

I must have been lucky in that respect then ?!

sueh6

It would seem to me that there is little remorse as he seems to be wanting to 'borrow' and additional 20K from the OPs sister - if he genuinely felt sorry then the last thing he would be doing is taking more money from their mother's inheritance (money which she obviously did not feel confident entrustung to him for their daughters future otherwise she would have done this).

The basic facts are that he was not entitled to any inheritance but instead decided to take it from his daughter to resurface his drive.

For those who are concerned about losing a loving relationship would they be saying the same if it was a form of abuse - emotional, physical or sexual? And please don't say 'but it's only money' - yes it is only money but there is a huge betrayal of trust by a person who you should be able to trust with your life. The OP was in a very vulnerable state and he took advantage in the form of offering her help and advice.

OP - rebuild the relationship with your father if you wish but be very wary of his motives - he didn't do this to you because he was desperate and had no other option - he did it for a new drive

custardy

Apples2 wrote: »

I would give my Parents my last £5k at the drop of a hat.
I can't see how, but I'm guessing your dad still looks at you with pride in his eyes.

Still - Take him to small claims court.
https://www.moneyclaim.gov.uk/web/mcol/welcome

Drag him into court, go for CCJ and subsequent bailiff action. He might not have a home after the divorce and already be bankrupt trying to repay £20k of debt but he is BOUND to have some kind of coat or shoes you can take from him.

and I would do without food for my son.
I wouldnt steal from him,let alone for a driveway

kaylz39

MyLastFiver wrote: »

I can't believe I'm reading some of the responses on here.

As a child, the OP trusted her father to "look after" some of her money. Money her dead mother willed to her. He lied, and spent the money himself.

And now, the OP is being accused of selfishness, inhumanity and immaturity? Some of you lot need to take a good look at yourselves.

OP, this man sounds like he hasn't been a very good dad. Is your dad sorry that he lied to you and spent your money? Or does he try to pretend he's the victim?

No, he's never once apologised for 'stealing' from me. When I originally worked out what he had done, I asked him if it was true and he couldn't even look at me- he just nodded. I wasn't angry when I asked him about it all and I actually think he thought it quite amusing at first.

I've never actually said to him 'you stole from me' because I've never really looked at it like that.

With the whole situation that's going on now, he does very much play the victim and thinks the fact that he stole £5,000 from me the least of his problems.

He has much bigger debts to pay off, so I will be on the bottom of the list of paybacks.

kaylz39

MyLastFiver wrote: »

Can I suggest that the reason you have tolerated your dad's appalling behaviour over the years is because of your fear of being left alone?

Yes, you're 100% right. He's got away with hurting both me and my sister in so many ways because we have no-one else in terms of family to turn to. My Mum's not here, so my Dad is the only family I have left.

I'm lucky because I have my Husband to confide in, but a relationship with a Mum/Dad is completely different and cant be found in someone else.

chesky369

Don't assume that because your grandma is old, she's necessarily weak. Some old people are pretty tough. Maybe you should think carefully about discussing the matter with her. Or perhaps you could use it as a lever to get your father to work out some kind of repayment plan and/or to write down a statement of what has happened for possible future use.

Frogfish

OP, some of these responses are unbelievable. It's simply outrageous to suggest that you should suck it up and think of the family. I know several people who have been utterly screwed over by their own family members, and in no instance would I suggest that they ignore the behaviour and continue the relationship.

It's correct that you can't choose your family. But fgs, that doesn't give them a green light to lie, cheat and steal. You don't have a get out of jail free card just because the person you stole from is your own family member. The behaviour isn't excused - your dad did this to you because he knew he could get away with it. He might be your family, but frankly he sounds like a despicable human being. He is no father to you.

Please don't be pushed into the mindset of blood being thicker than water. If this followed through, your dad would never have stolen your money in the first place.

Tixy

kaylz39 wrote: »

No, he's never once apologised for 'stealing' from me. When I originally worked out what he had done, I asked him if it was true and he couldn't even look at me- he just nodded. I wasn't angry when I asked him about it all and I actually think he thought it quite amusing at first.

I've never actually said to him 'you stole from me' because I've never really looked at it like that.

With the whole situation that's going on now, he does very much play the victim and thinks the fact that he stole £5,000 from me the least of his problems.

He has much bigger debts to pay off, so I will be on the bottom of the list of paybacks.

I would confront him, I would say to him - 'you stole my inheritance and this is a lot of money to me and you don't even seem to be sorry'. And I would ask him to sign something that says he agrees he owes you this money.

Are you certain sis will not lend to him? he won't succeed in convincing her behind your back? Does she know about your money?

7roland8

Hi OP - just jumping in quickly and not had time to read all replies.
But I think more than losing the money is that you have lost respect and trust for your father.
He was not honest with you and has been deceitful - and is still not now really sorry - apart from being in a bad way financialy himself.
If he had been desperate for money before and asked that is one thing - but to use it for a driveway in such a way s bound to cause you hurt and pain.
How peope can side with him here is unbelievable.
I do not know how you can get the money back - you can try a bit a week but he doesn't sem that interested.
Its a hard lesson to learn - and will probably sour your relationship - mainly becuase he won't accept he was wroong and apologise - rather than people here tleling you that you should have compassion on him.