My Dad 'tricked' me into giving him £5,000 & now can't afford to pay me it back

kaylz39

Hi Guys,

This isn't something I would have liked to have published in a forum but I don't really have anyone else to discuss it with.

It's pretty long & complicated, but please bear with me...

When I was 15 my Mum passed away leaving her estate to me and my younger sister. It all went into a trust fund, work pensions I had access to at 18 and everything else at 21. When I turned 18 I received around £10,000, at the time my Dad & step-mum said I should place half of it in an ISA which they said should give me back around £20 a month in interest (this may be completely wrong, but at 18 I didn't know otherwise). As I didn't 'need' it I gave them the £5,000 (I think it was in cheque form, but cant be sure) and they said they would sort it out for me as my Dad was with RBS he said he would get a better deal.

Anyway when I turned 23 I thought about asking for the money but wasn't desperate for it, me and my Fiance had bought our house a few years ago so I decided not to ask for it. I mentioned it to my Dad and he said it's waiting for me. Soon after that my Dad and step-mum split up and are still now going through mediation to divide everything. About 18 months ago I got engaged and told my Dad I would need to money for the wedding, I knew he couldn't help me out at all so me & my Husband were paying for it all ourselves. My Dad gave me some of my money back for my dress, paid the venue deposit and that's it- the rest we saved for. So after the interest I should have been getting, I thought I had £5,000+ left.

In conversation with my Dad regarding his divorce he's told me he has no savings, only his house which there's about £40k in equity in (they've put a conservatory, cars & land on the mortgage) and they also have about £20k in debts (I haven't a clue how they've got into this mess). I asked about my money and he basically admitted that they didn't put it into an ISA. At the time they switched to a one account mortgage and put it into that, which they actually used to pave their driveway!!!!!

So as he's is debt and has no savings, there's basically no money to give me. Me and my husband are currently trying to buy a bigger house, we've reserved a new build which the deposit is due for in May. We're saving extra hard, but that £5,000 would give us the remainder of what we need. I just don't know what to do, I can't exactly take him to court and he says he physically doesn't have the money to give me! I'm just worried because when their divorce does go through and they walk away with nothing between them, I'm still no closer to getting my £5,000.

Any advice you guys can give me would really really help me out...thank you!

pearl123

As far as I can see you either right it off as he's spent money on you I presume bringing you up. Or you ask him to pay a small amounts back each week. Even if it does takes years!
What he did was not right, but I suppose we all can make mistakes.

Apples2

Sounds like your Dad has had a pretty miserable life going through bereavement AND a messy divorce.

Are you really going to kick him whilst he is down over a paltry £5k?

Sounds like you aren't desperate for it, but moreover, you just fancy having that little bit more. Maybe you've explained it poorly but I sympathise with your Dad here.

kaylz39

pearl123 wrote: »

As far as I can see you either right it off as he's spent money on you I presume bringing you up. Or you ask him to pay a small amounts back each week. Even if it does takes years!
What he did was not right, but I suppose we all can make mistakes.

I know it sounds pretty selfish when I say this, but writing it off as the money he spent bringing me up isn't something I would consider.
First reason being he only brought me up till I was 6, when I moved back in with him at 16 I was virtually grown up and spent no time at home and always worked so I had money to go to the cinema or bowling etc.
The second reason is people don't charge their children for bringing them up, when they decide to have kids they know they have the responsibilities including the financial side to look after that child till they're at least 18. I know when I have Kids, I would dream up doing such a thing.

kaylz39

Apples2 wrote: »

Sounds like your Dad has had a pretty miserable life going through bereavement AND a messy divorce.

Are you really going to kick him whilst he is down over a paltry £5k?

Sounds like you aren't desperate for it, but moreover, you just fancy having that little bit more. Maybe you've explained it poorly but I sympathise with your Dad here.

I should have mentioned my Mum & Dad weren't together when my Mum passed away. He left her 10 years previously. To be honest the messy divorce is by fault of his own, he's my Dad so I will stick him him through most things but he most definitely caused the breakdown of the marriage and instigated the divorce.

Over the last few years I haven't been desperate for it because I've always saved but now that I'm trying to buy a new home I am. £5,000 is alot of money, maybe not to some but it is to me it would take me a long time to save that money.

duchesspink1

if he's spent it, then its gone. You can't get blood out of a stone so I don't think taking him to court would help much.

Have you sat down and asked him what he intends to do about it or how he intended to pay it back eventually?

If you value your relationship with your father then you'll have to suck it up and wait until he can afford to pay you someday

Apples2

kaylz39 wrote: »

I know it sounds pretty selfish when I say this, but writing it off as the money he spent bringing me up isn't something I would consider.
when they decide to have kids they know they have the responsibilities including the financial side to look after that child till they're at least 18.

I would give my Parents my last £5k at the drop of a hat.
I can't see how, but I'm guessing your dad still looks at you with pride in his eyes.

Still - Take him to small claims court.
https://www.moneyclaim.gov.uk/web/mcol/welcome

Drag him into court, go for CCJ and subsequent bailiff action. He might not have a home after the divorce and already be bankrupt trying to repay £20k of debt but he is BOUND to have some kind of coat or shoes you can take from him.

stebiz

He's spent it. There isn't a lot you can do. Sounds like he doesn't have a lot left. Maybe he has made a mess of his life so far, but he is your Dad. Forget about the cash, but as he's no good with money, learn a lesson, so it doesn't happen again.

kaylz39

duchesspink1 wrote: »

if he's spent it, then its gone. You can't get blood out of a stone so I don't think taking him to court would help much.

Have you sat down and asked him what he intends to do about it or how he intended to pay it back eventually?

If you value your relationship with your father then you'll have to suck it up and wait until he can afford to pay you someday

Yes I've tried to speak to him about it but he just says he doesn't know when he can pay it back.

It wouldn't be so bad, but I found out today that he recently got a £6,000 loan to pay for a car for his on/off girlfriend of 2 years. I wouldn't mind if he was cutting back to give me an amount each month, but he says he can't even do that.

It's just frustrating because I seem to be the only person that's loosing out, he wants to walk away from the marriage debt free (which he will do) along with my step-mum.

mancitychick

Apples2 wrote: »

Sounds like your Dad has had a pretty miserable life going through bereavement AND a messy divorce.

Are you really going to kick him whilst he is down over a paltry £5k?

Sounds like you aren't desperate for it, but moreover, you just fancy having that little bit more. Maybe you've explained it poorly but I sympathise with your Dad here.

How can you sympathise with the Dad. He took half the inheritance his child had received from their mum and lied about what he was going to do with it and then spent it.

I have no sympathy for him.

OP, at best I would aim for a repayment plan with your Dad, you could go legal. This would incur costs and it is his word against yours I think him paying the money back over time.

I personally don't think the OP should write the money off, and the Dad (and possible the Sept Mum) should repay the money.

kaylz39

stebiz wrote: »

He's spent it. There isn't a lot you can do. Sounds like he doesn't have a lot left. Maybe he has made a mess of his life so far, but he is your Dad. Forget about the cash, but as he's no good with money, learn a lesson, so it doesn't happen again.

I'm hoping he has learn't from everything that has happened to be honest, I always thought my Dad and step-mum were really good with money as they always seemed to be on top of things and it rubbed off on me but obviously something went wrong somewhere down the line.

Obviously at 18 I trusted what my Dad was telling me was right, now I'm older I know to look into things myself. I thought I could trust my Dad to be honest, so didn't even think to