My Dad 'tricked' me into giving him £5,000 & now can't afford to pay me it back

kaylz39

Badger_Lady wrote: »

A loving relationship with the only father you'll ever have is a hell of a lot to write off too

No matter who 'started it' by doing wrong, the daughter is now in a position to either repair or destroy the father-daughter bond. She is not in a position to extract money from him (since he has none). Any action she takes now will have therefore have the negative consequences without the positive ones.

Don't write anything off, just wait.

You're right and I don't want to destroy what bizarre relationship I have with my Dad. After my Mum passed away my Dad moved us 200 miles away from 'home' so my sister and dad are the only family I have around me. This has been the reason why I've wrote off so many of the hurtful and sometimes inexcusable things he's done over the years.

But to be honest I'm reaching the end of my tether with it all now. The whole point of us moving home is because I want to start my own family and I feel like my Dad in many ways is preventing me from doing that.

redgrave2009

I can completley understand OP . My dad left my mother and me without any support when I was 15. He came back into my life whe i was 20 and over 10 years " borrowed "more than £5000+ to spend on the women he left my mother for. Money I had srrimped and saved for. I have written off the debt ,even though the money would be useful to spend on my own baby. He is now going after my mothers estate .

a lot of people are lucky to have parents who would do anything for their kids and those parents deserve being looked and having a relationship with. Some parents are best written out of your life however painful it can be.
you may never get your money back but at least you can protect your sisters money and your money in the future- as no doubt he will probably want more.

I hope it all goes well for you- its sounds like you have had a rough childhood.

whitewing

I agree with sticking a charging order on the house.

Is there someone other than yourself who could have a discussion with your sister so that she doesn't bow to pressure from you dad. It is all well and good people saying that you are an adult at 18 but your mum had passed away, and dad is selfish and irresponsible (like mine, sadly), so you may not have had similar opportunities to learn and talk things through. I know from my own experience that a lot of the people I mix with (colleagues and customers) have family that would bend over backwards to help them out - not necessarily financially - or even simply listen. It is hard for other people to understand how selfish my dad is and continues to be. He would have every last penny off everybody on a regular basis and still would not sort out his problems. He is an accomplished sob story teller.

chesky369

Badger_Lady wrote: »

A loving relationship with the only father you'll ever have is a hell of a lot to write off too

How can she have a loving relationship with someone who stole from her? It's actually a criminal act even though she can't prove it. Would you say children who are abused by their fathers should maintain a 'loving relationship' with their fathers?

stebiz

Just a thought OP. My Mum invested in shares ISA, about 7 years ago, and it is now worth about 50% of what it was. *CRASH*

Somerset

OP, you can kiss the money goodbye. Yes, you might get something from your father if and when he can afford it, but don't hold your breath.

It's painful but you've learnt a lesson about your father. He is a user. He's still your father, and (it's up to you) but I'd still have a relationship. But you're not blinkered now. So when he asks to borrow £X , you'll know not to.

It hurts to be conned out of money. Even more so when it's family and trust is shattered. But it happens all the time. The money is gone, and involving police or the Court won't recover it - so nothing else to do but chalk it up as a painful lesson about what sort of man your father is.

Mojisola

And please continue to advise your your sister so that she doesn't get her inheritance stolen as well.

Despicable behaviour from your father!

Rupert_Bear

Apples2 wrote: »

Sounds like your Dad has had a pretty miserable life going through bereavement AND a messy divorce.

Are you really going to kick him whilst he is down over a paltry £5k?

Sounds like you aren't desperate for it, but moreover, you just fancy having that little bit more. Maybe you've explained it poorly but I sympathise with your Dad here.

Would you feel the same if it was your "paltry £5k" I very much doubt it! Talk is cheap as well demonstrated hear.

It was handed over in all good faith and yes the OP should get it back.

Obviously the OP's mother did not want him to have any money. I wonder why!

Vikipollard

Apples2 wrote: »

Well this is unfolding into a classic thread :j:j

The choices are simple:

1. Forget about it and maintain your Family relationship - maybe approach this many years down the line
2. Hammer into him right now, it was YOUR money, not his so you demand it back right now, and suffer the family fallout.

I could never advocate the destruction of a family for any amount. Blood is thicker and all that.

Hope my kids don't turn out like some of you guys.

Pity the Dad didnt think blood was thicker too then, when he stole the money from his daughter to pay for a drive rather than invest it as he said he was going to.

You have no choice at birth over who you are related to, so the blood thicker than water is just rubbish. That is why the cliche 'you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family' came to be. And before you go there, my family are fantastic.

OP, from what you've said about his attempts to con your sister out of her inheritance purely so he can continue to live in the house speaks volumes about him. I'd stick with polite birthday and Christmas cards and build your life around your partner, sister and the family you choose to build.

chesky369

Aren't there any uncles, aunts or grandparents around?