My Dad 'tricked' me into giving him £5,000 & now can't afford to pay me it back

chesky369

londonTiger wrote: »

Ive actually been there myself.

My brother borrwed 5k from me (incidently) to pay for his downpayment.

He recently got married and had all sorts of wedding debt and mortage to boot.

Property crisis set in and interest rates soared.

He couldn't pay me back.

He promised he would, but I wrote it off in my mind. He was my brother after all.

Long story short, long after I wrote the debt off in my mind, he got himself into a better position financially, and came through in the end.

I guess if you have a dysfunctional family in the end it's a different story.

If you have a dysfunctional family, that's sad. Maybe take them to a small claims court to get your money back.

I'm sure it would be great for the integrity of family life. /sarcasm

Yes, but you had a CHOICE. Your brother didn't come in the night and steal it. You should have known better, but you still chose to do what you did.

chesky369

......oops sent too soon, meant to say also you cannot compare yourself (I hope) to an eighteen year old, suffering from the grief of losing her mother and relying on the only parent left to her, who was supposed to protect her.

patchwork_cat

I am shocked by this and the responses and by the thread about the 6 year old. No wonder some people doubt parents' motives.

silvasava

OP has my complete sympathies
My Dad walked out on my mother after nearly 40 years of marriage - 2 years later he asked me to ask my Mum to 'borrow' some money purportedly (Sp?) for me but so he and his '
girlfriend' could go on holiday to Italy (to a place where my Mum & Dad used to go) Needless to say I refused but just his asking soured our relationship as I'd always thought my Dad had a really good moral compass...... just shows how some people really value their families

kaylz39

LovelyLeeds wrote: »

Apology accepted.





Her hour of need was a wedding dress. I did not point out she was undeserving so please don't invent things and in particular don't put it in quote marks.
I don't think he deserved the money at all, it wasn't his as we all know. I just don't think it's worth banishing the father to hell for a wedding dress. We're all different, and I think the best thing to do would be to forget about the £5K, but maybe write a letter to the father stating the money is still owed but under the circumstances would hope he would begin to repay it at some point. (Even though this would be pretty much pointless given the level of debt he is already in).

My hour of need wasn't my wedding dress, I asked him to pay a £250 deposit on my dress and he did. I knew with the divorce etc he wasn't in a position to pay for the full thing so I paid the remaining £1,000 on my dress.

There still is no 'hour of need' but I want to start a family and buy a bigger house and the one were currently in isn't suitable. I mentioned 18 months ago that I would need the money soon and I'm still waiting.

LovelyLeeds

elvis86 wrote: »

You trying to somehow villainise the OP and trivialise the matter by making out like she's simply thrown a tantrum over a wedding dress is really unkind and I don't know why you're doing it?

I have not villianised her at all. The OP stated it was for a wedding dress. My point is that we know he's taken the money, but is it worth falling out with her father over? I say no, you say yes. From the information we have, I would guess that the OP still wants some form of family relationship with her dad, so therefore in order to maintain that, she will more or less have to forgive the debt.

Are you her stepmother?

No

...you're obviously of the opinion that she's overreacting.

No I don't think she's overreacting.

If you discovered that one of your kids had fraudulently accessed the accounts and spent his own money and that of his siblings on something unnecessary, wouldn't you be angry?

Yes

kaylz39

Apples2 wrote: »

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1435775

Seriously, what is wrong with some people?!

LovelyLeeds

kaylz39 wrote: »

My hour of need wasn't my wedding dress, I asked him to pay a £250 deposit on my dress and he did. I knew with the divorce etc he wasn't in a position to pay for the full thing so I paid the remaining £1,000 on my dress.

There still is no 'hour of need' but I want to start a family and buy a bigger house and the one were currently in isn't suitable. I mentioned 18 months ago that I would need the money soon and I'm still waiting.

Then my bad I thought I'd read that it was for your dress - the points I've made, I'm sticking to. How much bigger house do you think you'll get if you had the £5K, because in housing terms, £5K isn't going to get you an extra bedroom, etc.
I think you will have a long wait for the money - but do you still want a relationship with him?

kaylz39

LovelyLeeds wrote: »

I have not villianised her at all. The OP stated it was for a wedding dress.

No I didn't, I was saying out of the £5,000 I have asked him to pay the £250 deposit on my wedding dress & the £750 deposit on my venue. That's £1,000 which I thought would have been the interest on 'my ISA'.

I would also like to point out that myself & my Husband paid for our entire wedding ourselves. I'm not spitting my dummy out here and I wasn't expecting my Dad to pay for the full thing- after all it's 2012. But I thought my Dad may say to me, I won't take the £750 venue deposit out your money, I want to give it to you for your wedding...but he didn't. My wedding dress I wanted my Mum to pay for with the money she gave me, but there was no chance- we both had to make do with her paying my dress deposit.

kaylz39

LovelyLeeds wrote: »

Then my bad I thought I'd read that it was for your dress - the points I've made, I'm sticking to. How much bigger house do you think you'll get if you had the £5K, because in housing terms, £5K isn't going to get you an extra bedroom, etc.
I think you will have a long wait for the money - but do you still want a relationship with him?

Were buying a new build, they run a scheme which matches your deposit. We have a deposit & are £7,000 down on what we need. We can get the £2,000 together but the £5,000 would help us massively.

Its not gaining us an extra bedroom, in fact its probably smaller as we own an old terrace- it's a garage, big garden and nicer area we want.

Even if I didn't want the money for a new house, I still deserve that money back- he's had it for 7 years and to be honest has led a b1uddy nice life for the last 5 years. Its only when he realised the divorce wasn't going his way, that he realised he'd have to give up 'luxuries'.