My Dad 'tricked' me into giving him £5,000 & now can't afford to pay me it back

kaylz39

londonTiger wrote: »

Anyway.. I wasn't necessarily against the OP, just crap family, both of them have a role in their dysfunction. Dad and daughter.

How the hell can you say that? You don't have a clue!!! I'm simply being forced to react in this way by the bad decision my Dad made!

& yes at 18 I was an adult, but at 18 can you honestly say financially you had your head screwed on. I was just handed £10,000- a huge amount of money for an 18 year old and trusted my Dad when he told me he was investing it!

kaylz39

londonTiger wrote: »

Who knows what happened, you are assuming the Dad deceived the daughter, maybe he he used the savings money to dip into in the short term and had hopes to fill it up on the next wages or something.

He used the full £5,000 on a new drive way, if he had to take it off me he shouldn't have took it in the first place. Living beyond his means! How do you not understand that? If he couldn't afford the driveway, he couldn't afford to pay me back either!

kaylz39

elvis86 wrote: »

The interest that the OP would or wouldn't have earned and what she may or may not have chosen to spend the money on are irrelevant. She would've been entitled to use the money to buy a gold-plated d!ldo for her wedding night if she wanted to - it was her money!

Brilliant! That was my plan all along

Monkeynut

Blimey.
Can't remember how I ended up reading this thread, and I almost stopped reading after the first page or so because I couldn't believe the way everyone seemed to be swaying in favour of the father.

I did end up reading most, though probably skimmed over some so I do apologise if I am simply echoing what has already been said, which I don't doubt I am as most things have probably been covered in the 8 or 9 pages or so I think we're up to.

Firstly though, as I don't think it's really been said much, is that the OP should be bloody proud of herself, as she has actually done probably the most sensible thing possible so far in life with regards to money.
(Well, with hindsight of course, with the exception of handing that cheque to her father. Sorry ;) )
How many 18 year olds get given that amount of money, and how many of those would be as sensible with it and investing it. Yes, she could have looked into it herself, but I don't think it is fair to criticise her for trusting her father with this. That's irrelevant to me tbh. You sound sensible enough to learn from it, so that's just as important.
You've gone though Uni, and bought a house and are now looking sensibly at moving into a more suitable place before starting a family.

Also, the attitude you still show towards your father, I think that's pretty darn good of you too. I remember skipping through the channels once and catching a few mins of Jeremy Kyle where the caption was something along the lines of "You borrowed/stole £100 or so from me, pay it back or I disown you" type thing. And my god were they screaming at each other, dredging up all kinds of random and irrelevant dirty laundry about each other.
Get yourself a tracksuit and knock a couple of teeth out, and you could always go down that route to try and recover your money.
So I just feel I want to say a big Welldone really. I'm sure you don't necessarily need some random stranger on an internet forum site to say that, but I feel it's deserved enough, and think it's a shame it's not been said already.
(Unless I skimmed that bit :cool:)


The other thing that annoyed me about the first few pages is the number of people who were commenting that she would never get her money back because he's spent it, so it's not there to get back. That gave me a bit of a 'try not to scream at the screen' moment.

colazombie wrote: »

There is no money 'to chase'. It's gone. He has none to pay back so forget it. Bloods thicker than water

Just one example, but there was many.

PEOPLE EARN MORE MONEY. JUST BECAUSE THAT PARTICULAR LITERAL PHYSICAL £5k WAS SPENT, DOESN'T MEAN THERE CAN'T BE ANOTHER PARTICULAR LITERAL PHYSICAL £5k.

I usually only use these forums for the 'debt free wanabee' section, I'm not in a huge amount of debt, just a little, but want out of it because I know I have to pay it back, and don't want to owe money to anyone. I would rather the money I have coming in is my own!! It was spent in the first place, so should obviously be paid back.

At least that's the morality that's generally accepted there anyway, though possibly not here. Which is a shame.
Based on what I've read before, because there have been threads with the situation, when someone posts saying they borrowed such as such, or they have this debt from so and so, and I'm trying to avoid paying it back, they are generally criticised for this way of thinking, and it is pointed out that they owe it so they must rightfully pay it back.
Morally, this is even more true in my opinion given that the money was not 'borrowed' so much as stolen. I know it's irrelevant but I really hope he didn't intend to permanently deprive you of it, and that originally he thought he could put the money back over time - using it as an interest free loan I suppose - but then just didn't. In no way right of course, but better.

Right, I am aware this has turned into a bit of an essay, and I must remember to copy it all before I post as long posts have a tendency to run away before they're posted sometime, so at least I can paste it back if that happens.

And what you actually posted for was asking for advice.
So short answer from me is pop in to your local Citizens Advice Bureau.

(oh and don't spend too much on your wedding day if the money is needed for your marriage together. )

Monkeynut

kaylz39 wrote: »

Brilliant! That was my plan all along

Oh, any my third nugget of advice would be to hold off on this as the price of gold is v. high at the moment, so I'm sure you can get a better deal in the future.
Or, errm, put it on your wedding list maybe?

elvis86

londonTiger wrote: »

OP is an adult too.

Again, what the f**k are you on about?!

How can you draw a comparison between you lending your brother £5000, and an 18 year old girl who just lost her mum trusting her dad to invest her inheritance and him betraying her by stealing it?

londonTiger wrote: »

Who knows what happened, you are assuming the Dad deceived the daughter, maybe he he used the savings money to dip into in the short term and had hopes to fill it up on the next wages or something.

And now the classic cry of the moronic forum poster; "We only know what the OP told us". Well yes, of course we do. On account of this being an internet forum and us not being psychic. I thought most people were intelligent enough to not need a disclaimer with every post:

The statement above is are based purely on what the original poster has stated in the thread thus far, as I do not know him/her and/or his/her family/friends/colleagues/financial situation/shoe size etc. Therefore I will not be held responsible for any innaccuracies owing to false information provided by the original poster.

Actually, we do know that the dad deceived the daughter. I didn't assume it. The OP has said as much, repeatedly.

Her dad said he'd invested her money in an ISA, but instead he had spent it on block paving. It's really very straightforward.

londonTiger wrote: »

Anyway.. I wasn't necessarily against the OP, just crap family, both of them have a role in their dysfunction. Dad and daughter.

You're an idiot. Grade A.;)

kaylz39

Monkeynut wrote: »

Blimey.
Can't remember how I ended up reading this thread, and I almost stopped reading after the first page or so because I couldn't believe the way everyone seemed to be swaying in favour of the father.

I did end up reading most, though probably skimmed over some so I do apologise if I am simply echoing what has already been said, which I don't doubt I am as most things have probably been covered in the 8 or 9 pages or so I think we're up to.

Firstly though, as I don't think it's really been said much, is that the OP should be bloody proud of herself, as she has actually done probably the most sensible thing possible so far in life with regards to money.
(Well, with hindsight of course, with the exception of handing that cheque to her father. Sorry ;) )
How many 18 year olds get given that amount of money, and how many of those would be as sensible with it and investing it. Yes, she could have looked into it herself, but I don't think it is fair to criticise her for trusting her father with this. That's irrelevant to me tbh. You sound sensible enough to learn from it, so that's just as important.
You've gone though Uni, and bought a house and are now looking sensibly at moving into a more suitable place before starting a family.

Also, the attitude you still show towards your father, I think that's pretty darn good of you too. I remember skipping through the channels once and catching a few mins of Jeremy Kyle where the caption was something along the lines of "You borrowed/stole £100 or so from me, pay it back or I disown you" type thing. And my god were they screaming at each other, dredging up all kinds of random and irrelevant dirty laundry about each other.
Get yourself a tracksuit and knock a couple of teeth out, and you could always go down that route to try and recover your money.
So I just feel I want to say a big Welldone really. I'm sure you don't necessarily need some random stranger on an internet forum site to say that, but I feel it's deserved enough, and think it's a shame it's not been said already.
(Unless I skimmed that bit :cool:)


The other thing that annoyed me about the first few pages is the number of people who were commenting that she would never get her money back because he's spent it, so it's not there to get back. That gave me a bit of a 'try not to scream at the screen' moment.

Just one example, but there was many.

PEOPLE EARN MORE MONEY. JUST BECAUSE THAT PARTICULAR LITERAL PHYSICAL £5k WAS SPENT, DOESN'T MEAN THERE CAN'T BE ANOTHER PARTICULAR LITERAL PHYSICAL £5k.

I usually only use these forums for the 'debt free wanabee' section, I'm not in a huge amount of debt, just a little, but want out of it because I know I have to pay it back, and don't want to owe money to anyone. I would rather the money I have coming in is my own!! It was spent in the first place, so should obviously be paid back.

At least that's the morality that's generally accepted there anyway, though possibly not here. Which is a shame.
Based on what I've read before, because there have been threads with the situation, when someone posts saying they borrowed such as such, or they have this debt from so and so, and I'm trying to avoid paying it back, they are generally criticised for this way of thinking, and it is pointed out that they owe it so they must rightfully pay it back.
Morally, this is even more true in my opinion given that the money was not 'borrowed' so much as stolen. I know it's irrelevant but I really hope he didn't intend to permanently deprive you of it, and that originally he thought he could put the money back over time - using it as an interest free loan I suppose - but then just didn't. In no way right of course, but better.

Right, I am aware this has turned into a bit of an essay, and I must remember to copy it all before I post as long posts have a tendency to run away before they're posted sometime, so at least I can paste it back if that happens.

And what you actually posted for was asking for advice.
So short answer from me is pop in to your local Citizens Advice Bureau.

(oh and don't spend too much on your wedding day if the money is needed for your marriage together. )

Thank you very much for your contribution, a stranger or not it was nice of you to say I have chosen the right paths. As you have probably read I was getting slated in the first few posts & was starting to think I was the worst daughter on this earth and was totally overreacting over £5,000!!!

Just so you know we got married 11 months ago, managed to scrimp, save and work all the hours god sends in order to pay for it- but I think the fact that we did it all and came out debt free is our biggest achievement yet

So thank you again and I really hope you are debt free soon...I;m sure it wont be long for you as you seem to be doing well from reading your signature :T!

tell_it_how_it_is

Just to lend my support to you, OP. It doesn't really matter how you came by the money, whether earned, won or gifted, or who you trusted with it, be it family, friend or colleague. It was yours, and it was dishonestly taken away from you. Some of the responses you have had have defied belief.

I don't really know what to suggest, other than assume it is gone but at the same time keep on at him to at least pay some of it back over whatever period of time. And maybe don't offer your services quite so easily should he end up coming to you for help at any point.

Monkeynut

kaylz39 wrote: »

Just so you know we got married 11 months ago, managed to scrimp, save and work all the hours god sends in order to pay for it- but I think the fact that we did it all and came out debt free is our biggest achievement yet

Agreed- I don't think I will ever be able to understand people who choose to spend so much money on a wedding that they are willing to start their married lives together in massive amounts of debt.
Good for you for saving for it.

Do let us know what happens with regards to this situation though, as (ignoring about half the posts, who yes are entitled to their opinion, but probably aren't that bothered by the outcome) we generally like to see how things end up going.
I know I'm a right old nose bag for one!!

andy2004

maybe the OP should get her husband to be to get a couple of his muscular friends for moral support and pay the father a visit "asking" for the money back, and informing him they know he took out a £6000 loan to buy his new girlfriend a car, so pay back his daughter or give him 2 options, 1 a visit from the police for stealing the money, or 2 do what loan sharks do to him, a warning of what will be if he dont pay up.
After getting the money back tell him his no longer your father, and have nothing more to do with him.
You could also tell his new girlfriend with the new car what he did, if she had any sense she'd dump him. before he takes her to the cleaners aswell.

taking him to court, nothing will happen, courts in this country are a waste of time, it'll be he said, she said, and then thrown out, thats a guess, but i assume thats what the CAB will tell you.
As for threatening him, as i said your getting your hubby to be, to ask your father for the money he stole back, and any way its a family matter. maybe over the top.
but you should really tell his new girlfriend what a cheating, lying, theiving person your father is.

cheating you out of your money, lying that he paid it into an ISA account.

as for his debts, easy, SELL the house, he deserves what he gets. a life on the streets for the remainder of his life.