My Dad 'tricked' me into giving him £5,000 & now can't afford to pay me it back

Turtle

I've only read the first page of this but I'm quite shocked how most people think it's ok to have spent your inheritance. He stole it, end of. Maybe all these people wouldn't think twice about spending other people's money they were asked to look after either? I'm also sure that put in the same position most people wouldn't just be going 'oh well it's my dad so it's ok'.

Not sure if you will, but I really hope you get YOUR money back.

Apples2

If ever Jeremy Kyle came to literary form, this thread would be it.

The amount of genuine hatred toward family from so many other posters is weird. Ironically, it comes across as the posters themselves who are the main instigators in their own disfunctional group of kinfolk despite the rants.

aliasojo

Apples2 wrote: »

If ever Jeremy Kyle came to literary form, this thread would be it.

The amount of genuine hatred toward family from so many other posters is weird. Ironically, it comes across as the posters themselves who are the main instigators in their own disfunctional group of kinfolk despite the rants.

I think that's very unfair.

You obviously have good/good enough relationships within your family and I think that's perhaps why you feel as you do.

You can't possibly (fairly) form that judgement about others who have posted in a way opposite to you.

custardy

I don't know If Im an instigator myself?
Perhaps I forced alcoholism and violence on my prents from birth. who knows..............
I find it unbelievable people would excuse someone stealing (which is what it is) £5K for something so unimportant as a driveway.
We arent talking about someone who was struggling to buy food.

Miss_Spendalot_2

Apples2 wrote: »

I would give my Parents my last £5k at the drop of a hat.

The thing is though she did not give the money to him, He told her he would invest it for her and he spent it on paving HIS drive.. He stole her money plain and simple.. How could anybody think this is okay just because he is her Father, I am glad I do not have a father like that..

Apples2

Miss_Spendalot wrote: »

The thing is though she did not give the money to him, He told her he would invest it for her and he spent it on paving HIS drive.. He stole her money plain and simple.. How could anybody think this is okay just because he is her Father, I am glad I do not have a father like that..

I agree with you, I've not suggested it is okay, just that it isn't enough to destroy the family over.
5k is a low enough figure that most families could recover the funds with a bit of effort.

Or simply never speak again, refuse the kids access to their sole granparent, never have a family Christmas, you know, all those old fashioned things not worth having these days.

dawyldthing

Can the 5k not be put on as a charge on the house? I must i'd persue it, it may be family but 5k to most people is a lot of money, probably upto half a years wages after tax for some of us, so why shouldn't she persue it. If hes been living the highlife buying an expensive house and stuff for the house then its about time some of this stuff is sold to pay her money back as it literally is stone cold stealing, family or not and is bang out of order!

SailorSam

Apples2 wrote: »

The amount of genuine hatred toward family from so many other posters is weird.

That's easy to say and all through my life i've put family first, always putting their needs ahead of my own, i would give them my last shilling and have done but you learn that even family are sometimes selfish and go that step to far.

aliasojo

Apples2 wrote: »

5k is a low enough figure that most families could recover the funds with a bit of effort.

I agree, £5k isn't the huge amount it once would have been viewed as years ago and it would be possible to recover from.

However for me it wouldn't be about the £5k itself. It would be the fact that my Father put his wants before his responsibility to me. He wasn't backed between a rock and a hard place, he didn't have hard decisons to make about where the money to pay for food was coming from etc etc. He just fancied a new drive. The OP was certainly old enough to run that by but he chose not to and to do it on the fly anyway.

Would I want a close relationship with him thereafter? Not sure I would tbh. Actions speak louder than words, his 'Happy Christmas pet' round the Xmas dinner table would mean nothing to me, knowing that he's better at kindly lip service than caring action. Iyswim.

Pulpdiction

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear about this sad tale. I think I agree with the majority that this is clearly not about the amount of money but about the betrayal at the hands of your father. If I were you I'd seek legal advice on the position here with regards to recovering the money. In terms of your father I would ask him to sign up to a repayment plan for some of the money, but to my mind both he and his former partner are both clearly liable and complicit in all of this. Therefore I'd ask your father to foot the bill for half and depending upin the legal advice consider taking the former partner to small claims court for her half. The threat alone might bring about some kind of result.

If the father feels he's only on the hook for half then he may take another view. But I would suggest that he sell his girldfirends car which he borrowed money to buy in order to pay you back his share. The fact that she needs a car is not your issue and she should not benefit when you have lost out.

You haven't mentioned but does your fathers former partner or girldfiend work? Does the new girlfriend own her own property? If they are planning a long term relationship can they not pool their resources so to speak?

I'd also be tempted to tell the wider family about the issue if he doesn't play ball. I'm not sure of your relationship but he sounds like he's a mess and you've got your own things to worry about (in a nice way), new husband, house, career, a family in the future, I know it's hard having lost your mother but he doesn't sound like a positiive influence in your life, or your sisters so I'd be tempted to keep him at arms length for a while. Him knowing you're really annoyed by this and therefore don't need a close relationship with someone who is essentially on the scroune to fund their own short comings will not do him any harm and might actually get him to wake up to what's important in life. If he doesn't then I guess you know where you stand.