“I get to do what I want to do on a weekend”

balletshoes

DaisyFlower wrote: »

Of course they do! Millions of mums work part time using childcare and do the housework. Its not as hard as you make it out to be. Even if the other partner is out of the house or stays away with work its still easily done. How do you think single parents do it and hold down full time jobs?

i have to agree with daisyflower here - most of our marriage my OH has either worked away, home some of the weekend (but not all) or has worked evenings when i work days. I do all the housework, and its easier to do it as i go during the week (so the washing machine goes on when theres enough for a load, the hoovering gets done when it needs to be, the dishes get washed up every day, ironing when i absolutely have to etc). that way my weekend (ie my days off) are really my days off, and we can do things together some of the time when mine and my OH's time off collide .

CH27

Caroline73 wrote: »

Rather than make a huge issue out of this I think you try and arrange your lives so it doesn't become an issue.

I found that my family were wasting the weekend by doing nothing. I made sure that all household jobs were done in the week as far as possible, and I made sure we got up and did something concrete, like going to the zoo or park for at least one day.

If your husband is away most of the week, its going to be hard adjusting to being a dad at weekends. He probably feels he doesn't know what to do. You shouldn't be saying 'what are you doing' to your husband, say 'what shall we do this afternoon?' If he gives a selfish response just say 'oh that's a shame. We hoped you'd come to the park with us'.

I appreciate babies are hard work but if your husband is only home for 48 hours I'd be making sure I had my weekends as free as possible, not doing an online shop, did you seriously not have time to do it in the week?

You're fighting a losing battle getting him to help with chores, get him to something fun and family oriented.

When I was a SAHM I made sure I got everything done in the week to ensure we had family time at the weekend.

Caroline_a

I had a husband a bit like yours. I divorced him. I get the feeling that you resent him working and feel that you're pretty worthless as a SAHM. So take control. Get a job - not working for him, working for someone else! Find a good nursery/nanny/carer for your son, put your heels on, and get out there girl!!

kingfisherblue

TBH, Mildred is being quite jokey at times, and I think it may be a way of trying not to show just how upset she is. Perhaps she is actually in tears and doesn't want to let that come across.

Being a SAHM is not an easy option - at least at work you get to go to the loo without company :rotfl:

Time, I think, for a serious talk about responsibilities, as others have said. In the meantime, Mildred should make sure that she is filling in time sheets for consultancy and getting paid at the appropriate rate - after all, her OH wouldn't work without pay, and she is still contributing a large percentage to the household financially.

Caroline73_2

balletshoes wrote: »

i have to agree with daisyflower here - most of our marriage my OH has either worked away, home some of the weekend (but not all) or has worked evenings when i work days. I do all the housework, and its easier to do it as i go during the week (so the washing machine goes on when theres enough for a load, the hoovering gets done when it needs to be, the dishes get washed up every day, ironing when i absolutely have to etc). that way my weekend (ie my days off) are really my days off, and we can do things together some of the time when mine and my OH's time off collide .

I agree too. Unless you have a mansion, how much house work can one adult and a baby make?

borkid

When my 2 were little I was doing all the work in the house and garden. When they started at school I worked part time and still did all the things about the house. I did get in a cleaner for 3 hours a week when I was retraining full time. You do work for the business so how about counting up those hours and get some one in to do the cleaning/ ironing for the same length of time. This will give you a break and you won't feel so resentful.
My OH used to work 8am to 7pm come home read the kids a story then fall asleep! I sometimes think it would have been easier if I was single mum.

mildred1978

Caroline73 wrote: »

.



I appreciate babies are hard work but if your husband is only home for 48 hours I'd be making sure I had my weekends as free as possible, not doing an online shop, did you seriously not have time to do it in the week?

.

We (son and I) were away ourselves from Tuesday to Friday morning, too busy to find a child friendly place with wifi to do a food order while visiting friends. Had planned to be back last night around 10pm, but that went out the window and with a poorly child I couldn't do it at 2am either. There's next to no food in the house and poorly son was napping. So that's when I organised the food shopping. Must have taken all of 20 minutes.

mildred1978

Caroline73 wrote: »

I agree too. Unless you have a mansion, how much house work can one adult and a baby make?

6 beds and 4 baths. And with a genetically messy baby and mum, quite a lot!

Not to mention that we merged 3 properties worth of stuff into this house that is very very slowly being worked through.

candygirl

mildred1978 wrote: »

That implies it's my job.

Thing is, OH is getting the best childcare possible for his son, for free. I'm not a cleaner or a chef. So why is it okay that when my job is already 24/7, his job as a husband and father finishes whenever he says so?

Soz that's not what I meant at all.He should do a lot of stuff at weekend that you do during the week IYSWIM;)

Caroline73_2

mildred1978 wrote: »

We (son and I) were away ourselves from Tuesday to Friday morning, too busy to find a child friendly place with wifi to do a food order while visiting friends. Had planned to be back last night around 10pm, but that went out the window and with a poorly child I couldn't do it at 2am either. There's next to no food in the house and poorly son was napping. So that's when I organised the food shopping. Must have taken all of 20 minutes.

Fair enough. So did you say to your husband "nothing in the cupboards so I'm just going to place this order and then I'm all yours I won't be more than half an hour so pop your shirts in the machine, then we can take baby to the park for a bit of fresh air" or did you just leaves him to get on with his on thing?

I'm just being devils advocate by the way. He does sound like he's being an !!!!.