“I get to do what I want to do on a weekend”

mildred1978

! This is what my OH has just said to me as he stropped off with his laptop.

He works away most weeks, and I’m a SAHM to our little boy (20 months). So while he is away working, going for drinks and food with colleagues and getting full nights of sleep I’m at home doing everything else.

At weekends I’m generally catching up on washing and housework and allowing him and our LO some father-son time.

Yesterday we visited friends near where OH was working, thinking it would be nice to have dinner and drive home all together. OH finished work at 10pm (instead of 5pm) so I ended up driving the 160 miles home (got back at 12.30am and managed a motorway sandwich for dinner – nice). Son has a cold and nasty cough at the moment and was very disturbed in the night. He slept in with me and OH (with no thought whatsoever) slept in one of the spare rooms.

Son went down for a nap at 2.30. I’ve put in an online food order, switched 2 loads of washing and started tidying up. OH got his laptop out, and when I asked what he was doing (not in an accusatory way) he shouted “I get to do what I want to do on a weekend” as he stomped off upstairs. He’s promised a mate a website, which he has no time to build, so I’m guessing that’s what he’s prioritising today.

This morning he was talking about playing PS3 games online with his brother.

Next weekend he’s going away with friends and a brother or 2 for a lads weekend. So I’ll be doing everything for 12 days straight.

Am I right to be so upset/annoyed/frustrated? Is it all my responsibility to cook every meal, make sure clothes are washed and toys put away while he sits on his @rse watching TV (it’s barely on during the week) and doing favours for mates?


He was the one that was desperate to have a child. And now we have him it's like he wants something different.


He's going to love finding his dirty shirts and socks still in his suitcase on Monday morning

geri1965_2

It sounds like you both resent the other's lifestyle. Whilst he may be getting a full night's sleep and eating out with colleagues, he may wish he was at home spending quality time with his little boy. If he is away all week then he has very little time to catch up with friends and do the things that other people are able to do in the evenings.

It also sounds as if you are getting worn down with the drudgery of housework and looking after a child, and could do with some "me" time.

I think you need to sit down with him and have a talk, at a time when you are both calm.

POPPYOSCAR

Oh dear!!

Sounds like you need to sit down and have a good talk about what you expect and want from each other or this resentment will continue to build, on both sides.

pinkshoes

To me it sounds like you're a single parent rather than part of a relationship, so how about taking a leaf out of HIS book and do what you and your son want to do at weekends?

Why not go and visit your parents for a week, starting the weekend AFTER the next one when your DH will be home? That way, you won't be in his hair, and he can do WHATEVER he likes, including washing all his clothes, cooking his own food, tidying the house etc...

As a SAHM, it is only fair that you do the majority of the housework and cooking though, but I would expect your OH to do the washing up, put the bins out, do the gardening etc...

balletshoes

if he works away all week, he may feel like you have all the house stuff organised your way, so he doesn't see the need to pitch in? just ask him to help if you want help.

mildred1978

geri1965 wrote: »

It sounds like you both resent the other's lifestyle. Whilst he may be getting a full night's sleep and eating out with colleagues, he may wish he was at home spending quality time with his little boy. If he is away all week then he has very little time to catch up with friends and do the things that other people are able to do in the evenings.

His colleagues are his mates - he's known most of them since uni and one was his best man. He spends most nights of the week with them. He doesn't really have any mates here locally.

He's off on holiday for a week with one of them in April. Would love to know when I get to sod off abroad for a week on my own.

geri1965 wrote: »

It also sounds as if you are getting worn down with the drudgery of housework and looking after a child, and could do with some "me" time.

Yep.

geri1965 wrote: »

I think you need to sit down with him and have a talk, at a time when you are both calm.

Right now a heavy implement and a large hole in the garden are more attractive.

Gillyx

The fact you travelled 160 miles with your son to have dinner with him, and he decided to work an extra 5 hours and expect you to drive back another 160 miles late at night with a poorly boy, is unacceptable in my opinion, never mind the "I'll do what I want" conversation.

You need to tell him exactly how you are feeling.

alwayspuzzled

mildred1978 wrote: »

!

He's going to love finding his dirty shirts and socks still in his suitcase on Monday morning

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::beer:
when he objects to the lack of washing tell him “I get to do what I want to do on a weekend”

POPPYOSCAR

mildred1978 wrote: »

His colleagues are his mates - he's known most of them since uni and one was his best man. He spends most nights of the week with them. He doesn't really have any mates here locally.

He's off on holiday for a week with one of them in April. Would love to know when I get to sod off abroad for a week on my own.



Yep.



Right now a heavy implement and a large hole in the garden are more attractive.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Mrs_Arcanum

Next time he is home for the weekend just leave your son with him & go & get a bit of pampering for a few hours. Seems like as you are out of sight you are also out of mind & he needs reminding he has a child and parental responsibility.

mildred1978

pinkshoes wrote: »

As a SAHM, it is only fair that you do the majority of the housework and cooking though, but I would expect your OH to do the washing up, put the bins out, do the gardening etc...

Hmmmm. I'm a Director in our company too, and do all the admin and management of that. He's also nagging me to start consulting myself. How he thinks I can fit that in I don't know. :rotfl:

He's not here when the bins go out, and I do all the gardening. He might unload or load the dishwasher once a weekend if I'm lucky.