“I get to do what I want to do on a weekend”

Sambucus_Nigra

mildred1978 wrote: »

That implies it's my job.

Thing is, OH is getting the best childcare possible for his son, for free. I'm not a cleaner or a chef. So why is it okay that when my job is already 24/7, his job as a husband and father finishes whenever he says so?

What does he say when you ask him this?

mildred1978

DaisyFlower wrote: »

I think it depends a lot on what was agreed when you decided to be a SAHM. If he was willing to financially support you all (this can be a huge burden to carry) in exchange for you picking up the house stuff then i can see why he sees no need to come home after working all week and start on the house.

It wasn't planned. I took voluntary redundancy and got a massive payout. So he isn't 'paying for me'. I'm still covering 40% of the household costs, plus activities etc for our son.

DaisyFlower wrote: »

He'll obviously want down time after working

He eats out with friends 3-4 times a week. Isn't that down time? I barely get to eat during the week because I'm trying to stop my son throwing his food everywhere or feeding it to his toys.

DaisyFlower wrote: »

and you'll want some time so perhaps you need to look at whats being done in the week a little more. Lots of mums work part time and do the house stuff but still have time at the weekends for nice things. It just takes organising which is even easier if home all week.

Do they do that when they are effectively single parents during the week?

mildred1978

Person_one wrote: »

What was he like before you got married and had the baby?

He was alright, mostly. Didn't cook or do much cleaning, but then I had the time to do it and he was often working. We could go away for the weekend at the drop of a hat.

We were married for 8 years before I had our son. So it's not like he had no time to plan how life might be!

mildred1978

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

What does he say when you ask him this?

That no other couple he knows works like this (all of our friends have children).

Thing is, most of our husbands seem to be like this to one degree or another.

balletshoes

mildred1978 wrote: »

Thanks. He's not really a bad person. He just thinks he's 12 and I'm his mum.

is that really your impression of him, or are you joking? because, if you're serious, then just stop doing 12-year olds mum stuff. stop doing his washing on the weekend, show him where the washing machine is, and leave him to it. that can become one of the "things he gets to do on the weekend" - because his washing is most definitely not what you'd prefer to do on the weekend, is it?

DaisyFlower

mildred1978 wrote: »

Do they do that when they are effectively single parents during the week?

Of course they do! Millions of mums work part time using childcare and do the housework. Its not as hard as you make it out to be. Even if the other partner is out of the house or stays away with work its still easily done. How do you think single parents do it and hold down full time jobs?

mildred1978

DaisyFlower wrote: »

Of course they do! Millions of mums work part time using childcare and do the housework. Its not as hard as you make it out to be. Even if the other partner is out of the house or stays away with work its still easily done. How do you think single parents do it and hold down full time jobs?

I dunno. Tax credits?

jellyhead

My husband does things like setting up websites for friends etc. but he does it after the youngest has gone to bed.

If I were Mildred I'd be miffed that he chose his weekend to do it rather than the 4 nights a week he gets to himself.

Caroline73_2

Rather than make a huge issue out of this I think you try and arrange your lives so it doesn't become an issue.

I found that my family were wasting the weekend by doing nothing. I made sure that all household jobs were done in the week as far as possible, and I made sure we got up and did something concrete, like going to the zoo or park for at least one day.

If your husband is away most of the week, its going to be hard adjusting to being a dad at weekends. He probably feels he doesn't know what to do. You shouldn't be saying 'what are you doing' to your husband, say 'what shall we do this afternoon?' If he gives a selfish response just say 'oh that's a shame. We hoped you'd come to the park with us'.

I appreciate babies are hard work but if your husband is only home for 48 hours I'd be making sure I had my weekends as free as possible, not doing an online shop, did you seriously not have time to do it in the week?

You're fighting a losing battle getting him to help with chores, get him to something fun and family oriented.

mildred1978

jellyhead wrote: »

My husband does things like setting up websites for friends etc. but he does it after the youngest has gone to bed.

If I were Mildred I'd be miffed that he chose his weekend to do it rather than the 4 nights a week he gets to himself.

Nail on head. Thank you.