“I get to do what I want to do on a weekend”

candygirl

mildred1978 wrote: »

I pay 40% of the household bills and work for our business/run our home while my OH goes out to work and has a social life too. Does that sound like a fair deal?

No but only you can change it hun:(

marleyboy

Should he ever read this thread, I wont blame him for turning around and saying "Tell you what..Monday I am jacking my job in, you can go to work instead whilst I look after little one."

As a SAHD I do not resent the time I spend bringing up my Son, nor do I resent my OH going to work in order to provide for our Son.

OH spends the weekends and the short hour each evening before bedtime, making up for all the missed opportunities she gets to play with him. She bears no resentment to the fact she is out there working hard to ensure the family as a whole can have the luxury of a roof over their heads.

Above all, I love her for the fact she works so hard to try and keep the family financially secure.

Caroline73_2

mildred1978 wrote: »

I pay 40% of the household bills and work for our business/run our home while my OH goes out to work and has a social life too. Does that sound like a fair deal?

Taken out of context. My comment was directed at persons one comment, which was also out of context. Anyway, its not my marriage so what I think is fair is irrelevant. You obviously aren't happy so you need to change it so you are all happy.

But I'm giving up. I've offered up solutions which you have dismissed or ignored.You are talking to the wrong person. You could have had this out with your husband in the time you've spent discussing it on here. You won't sort anything unless you discuss it with him.

mildred1978

marleyboy wrote: »

Should he ever read this thread, I wont blame him for turning around and saying "Tell you what..Monday I am jacking my job in, you can go to work instead whilst I look after little one."

As a SAHD I do not resent the time I spend bringing up my Son, nor do I resent my OH going to work in order to provide for our Son.

OH spends the weekends and the short hour each evening before bedtime, making up for all the missed opportunities she gets to play with him. She bears no resentment to the fact she is out there working hard to ensure the family as a whole can have the luxury of a roof over their heads.

I don't understand which bit of this is supposed to be helpful?

Person_one

Caroline73 wrote: »

In reply to person one - if one person earns the money and the other person is home all day, then the person who is home all day should do the majority of the housework.

I don't have children, but I don't envy people who are 'at home all day' looking after them one bit!

It looks to me like this is life for the husband:

• Work away 5 days with colleagues he's good friends with.
• Eat out 4 nights a week with these friends.
• 4 nights of undisturbed sleep each week in a hotel room cleaned by the maid.
• Coming home on a Friday to do his own thing such as playing games, seeing his extended family and doing favours for mates while getting his washing done, his meals cooked and his child cared for.

So yeah, technically he's the one working, but if the OP is in sole charge of a small child pretty much 24/7. Doing every 'get up', every feed, every bath, keeping him entertained etc. while also doing all the housework AND running a small business on her own, well, it looks to me like she's the real grafter in that marriage!

marleyboy

Originally Posted by mildred1978
I don't understand which bit of this is supposed to be helpful?

No I really dont think your capable of doing.

Thats whats so sad about the whole situation. Maybe show him this thread and he might get it through to you.

balletshoes

Caroline73 wrote: »

You won't sort anything unless you discuss it with him.

nail on the head for me. you can expect your OH to behave/feel a certain way, you can assume he does/doesn't, you can feel as aggrieved and resentful as you like. but unless you two actually talk to each other about these issues, nothing is ever going to change.

zzzLazyDaisy

mildred1978 wrote: »

I pay 40% of the household bills and work for our business/run our home while my OH goes out to work and has a social life too. Does that sound like a fair deal?

It doesn't really matter whether it sounds like a fair deal to us - it obviously doesn't feel like a fair deal to you, and that's what matters. You need to deal with it before it becomes a huge mountain of resentment between you.

I know what I would do - first I'd get a good cleaner and get her to help me sort through the stuff that wants clearing out. I'd put everything that I no longer want on freecycle and let someone come and take it away. I used to have one room in my house stacked floor to ceiling with stuff from a previous existence and I couldn't stand it, but I couldn't deal with it either. So that's what I did, I got my cleaner to help me and we did it together. It is a beautiful serene meditation room now, where I go and shut the world out :-)

Next I'd make sure that everything that needed doing was done during the week. If you don't have time, use the cleaner to help. Okay so he needs his clothes washed and dried and ready to pack for going back to work, but really it doesn't take long to do that. Washer, dryer, fold, pack. Buy him a travel iron if he wants his stuff ironing.

Next I'd agree with him that each weekend we'd have a 'date night' and we'd take it in turns to organise what we would do, so alternate weeks the other gets a surprise/treat, and get to know each other again and enjoy each other's company.

With his week away - fine, but I'd want him to take a week off work to look after LO so I could also have a girlie week away on my own with friends.

Some or all of the above might work. But you both have to want to spend time together and to re-kindle the love and passion and enjoyment of each other in the relationship.

Is that what you both want?

Caroline_a

OP, I understand where you're coming from. Not everyone enjoys housework or being with their child 24/7, and I think that deep down you want to get out and go back to work. Your OH sounds like an !!!!!, so you want to make your mind up what you want - stay or go. Your call, but make sure you really want it because it's a tough road.

mildred1978

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

It doesn't really matter whether it sounds like a fair deal to us - it obviously doesn't feel like a fair deal to you, and that's what matters. You need to deal with it before it becomes a huge mountain of resentment between you.

I know what I would do - first I'd get a good cleaner and get her to help me sort through the stuff that wants clearing out. I'd put everything that I no longer want on freecycle and let someone come and take it away. I used to have one room in my house stacked floor to ceiling with stuff from a previous existence and I couldn't stand it, but I couldn't deal with it either. So that's what I did, I got my cleaner to help me and we did it together. It is a beautiful serene meditation room now, where I go and shut the world out :-)

Next I'd make sure that everything that needed doing was done during the week. If you don't have time, use the cleaner to help. Okay so he needs his clothes washed and dried and ready to pack for going back to work, but really it doesn't take long to do that. Washer, dryer, fold, pack. Buy him a travel iron if he wants his stuff ironing.

Next I'd agree with him that each weekend we'd have a 'date night' and we'd take it in turns to organise what we would do, so alternate weeks the other gets a surprise/treat, and get to know each other again and enjoy each other's company.

With his week away - fine, but I'd want him to take a week off work to look after LO so I could also have a girlie week away on my own with friends.

Some or all of the above might work. But you both have to want to spend time together and to re-kindle the love and passion and enjoyment of each other in the relationship.

Is that what you both want?

Thanks.

No dryer (don't want one), so it takes a bit longer to do washing than that.