“I get to do what I want to do on a weekend”

candygirl

mildred1978 wrote: »

(sigh)

Do you want to come for a guided tour?

As I have said, the other rooms house a lot of stuff that needs sorting, as does the garage/ attic etc. When do you propose I do that?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

mildred1978

candygirl wrote: »

Have you spoken to him yet hun?:D

He's still sulking upstairs.

mildred1978

DKLS wrote: »

I always ring at least twice an evening, with a coupe of texts as well, its important for us to keep the communication going as its not easy working away.

Thankfully we had a surgical intervention so we are fixed on the child free issue. I do know a similar bloke who was desperate for a child of his own, sadly the reality was way too much for him and he scooted after the first trashy blonde that came across his path, and he hasnt seen his child for over 2 years now.

I would suggest an old fashioned heart to heart discussion, preferably on neutral territory to try and find a way forward that addresses the needs and desires of BOTH of you, although I do have a sneaking suspicion that he may be playing away, hence the hostility, I hope I am wrong on that one though.

As afore mentioned tyke I would tell him to grow a pair and MTFU.

Wow. Thanks for that.

Couldn't be more wrong, but thanks for making me feel even worse!!

Tuesday_Tenor

There's a combination of untypical issues here:
- unplanned child forced changes not everyone may be happy with, so maybe underlying resentment to start with
- unusual (but by no means unique) pattern of husband's work away
- SAHM who is also Director of a company and does work for it during the week
- SAHM contributing 40% to household income due to redundnacy
- very large house with merged contents from 3 houses

So I think you and hubby need a serious and pragmatic talk about what the expectations of each of you are in this unusual scenario. If you were 'just' (!) a SAHM then it would be reasonable for everything domestic to get done, as well as it can be, during the week (the child isn't awake all your hours is he/she?). But if you are also working for the company and also being expected to work on a project rationalising the contents of the house then that's different.

Your weekends should be precious times for you all, individually and together, and yet you both seem to be turning them into a battleground. So you both need to be clearer about what you want from your weekends. You might find that you actually want much the same but you've not managed to organise it properly yet. Or you might find that your expectations are completely different. If so, it might be that someone's expectations of the other are unreasonable and need to change. Or it might be that none of the expectations are totally unreasonable but are somewhat incompatible, and with limited hours you have to prioritise and compromise, e.g. have to limit trips away, don't take on extra work, don't try to rationalise the house yet etc.

Few caveats:
- Bear in mind that child's trip and illness last week and husband's trip away next week have rather telescoped and highlighted the problems; it might not usually be so bad.
- It might be better to have the discussions when the current pressures have passed.
- One partner having child-free holidays away when the other doesn't is totally unfair.

candygirl

mildred1978 wrote: »

He's still sulking upstairs.

I'd have been up and had a rant by now:mad::mad:;)

Hanging_by_a_thread

I am sure you have tried talking this through with your husband. For whatever reason its not getting across to him how you feel though is it.

He seems to think that while you are at home with your child, you have lots of spare time to yourself to do what you like. I am not a mum yet but even I am aware that this is not likely to be the case. Being a parent is a 24/7 full on job when done properly and leaves very little opportunity to relax or make time for yourself.

So while he may want to get to do what he wants at weekends, which to be fair we all need to after a hard week at work, he needs to be made aware that so do you. You both need some time to chill out from the things that take up the vast majority of your time. In his case a break from his work and in your case a break from being a SAHM.

Some of this time should be apart from each other, it is important to have your own identitties and interests still. I imagine being a mum makes you lose some of your identity a bit. So wanting to do things you have always loved and enjoyed is natural.

Your husband is behaving as if he is a young man with no responsibilities who can come and go and do as he pleases. He does treat you like his mum who runs a home and does his washing and ironing. Not as his wife and the mother of his child. Has he considered that if arrangements carry on as they are, and he spends all week away and then very little time being a hands on dad when he is home at weekends, your son is going to grow up barely knowing who he is.

I dont know your financial position but it sounds as if you live comfortably. Can you afford to pay for a babysitter once a week and meet up with your friends. Or use a babysitter at weekends and go out with your husband. My friends use a very good babysitting service and say it is reasonably priced. Could you invite friends round to you and get a takeaway? Little things could make a huge difference to you not feeling so alone and isolated.

You have remained upbeat and jokey on this thread but I cant help but think this is getting you down far more than you have let on. Nip it in the bud before this upset turns to resentment because that can be very damaging to any relationship.

mildred1978

candygirl wrote: »

I'd have been up and had a rant by now:mad::mad:;)

Can't be arsed. He'd just strop off elsewhere anyway.

Caroline73_2

mildred1978 wrote: »

(sigh)[STRIKE][/STRIKE]

Do you want to come for a guided tour?

As I have said, the other rooms house a lot of stuff that needs sorting, as does the garage/ attic etc. When do you propose I do that?

Not particularly.

Do you NEED to do all the sorting though? Or just want it sorting.

In reply to person one - if one person earns the money and the other person is home all day, then the person who is home all day should do the majority of the housework. I did suggest ways mildred could encourage her husband to do some washing but you ignored that.

mildred has two issues. Time management is one, her non family oriented husband the other.

mildred1978

Caroline73 wrote: »

.

In reply to person one - if one person earns the money and the other person is home all day, then the person who is home all day should do the majority of the housework. I did suggest ways mildred could encourage her husband to do some washing but you ignored that.

.

I pay 40% of the household bills and work for our business/run our home while my OH goes out to work and has a social life too. Does that sound like a fair deal?

Hanging_by_a_thread

pimento wrote: »

Six pages and a Google search and I still couldn't work out what it meant.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I thought it was a reference to the husband, as in large Oaf.