Has anyone ever married and kept it secret?

Dark_Star

Slightly different but I didn't tell the people I worked with (large office, approx 100 people).

2 people got married the same year & they bored the pants off everyone with weddingitis. Who cares whether the bridesmaids knickers match the napkins etc.

I sent a postcard whilst on holiday saying "enjoying the honeymoon" which really annoyed the 2 that had bored the pants off us all...

The other 2 couples got divorced within 2 years of marriage. Perhaps it's time to cut back on the fuss & just enjoy being married.

Another girl (different office) almost fell off her chair when I said as long as you both turn up & the vicar then nothing else matters. Despite that, I still got an invite She went for the BIG do. Big hotel/church etc etc. Not very exciting.

A friend went to Vegas & hadn't told many (just family) & emailed a photo back of the Elvis wedding ceremony!

I don't think it's necessary to have big do & who you tell is up to you.:cool:

Lots of people like being the centre of attention, neither of us do. Low key is fabulous.:D

xoxo_2

fannyanna wrote: »

That's awful

Do you mind me asking what kind of relationship you had/have with your Mum? I can't imagine a Mother doing that to her children.

We're quite close, we were back then too, which just added to the hurt. I didn't live with her but I spent every weekend with her at the time so it wasn't like we hardly saw each other to give her an excuse not to tell us. She must have gone out of her way to hide it from us and lie about it.

She's married again since (must be one of those addicted to wedding cake types:rotfl:) and we were involved this time.

POPPYOSCAR

xoxo wrote: »

My Mum got married 'in secret' to her second husband when I was about 14. I say in secret, her sisters and Mum were told & invited but not her 2 children. She left me a voicemail afterwards (it was a school day so my phone was off) saying "Hi xoxo, We've just got married and we're off on honeymoon now, see you in 2 weeks", and that was it. I couldn't call her or speak to her until she got back. I've never been more hurt by anything she's done before or since. Absolutely no reason for it, just didn't tell us.

I was so sorry to read this and can't imagine why your mum would invite others yet leave her own children out. Has she ever offered you any explanation?

xoxo_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I was so sorry to read this and can't imagine why your mum would invite others yet leave her own children out. Has she ever offered you any explanation?

"I didn't think you would want to take the day off school".

That's the only 'explanation' she's ever given. Because y'kno, no 14 & 12 year olds ever want a day off school My cousin who's the same age as me went, as did her husbands kids, so it's not like it's was even a believable excuse. She didn't even tell my sister, that was left to me.

Nevermind:o


I think in answer to the original question, so as not to derail the thread, it is possible and obviously there's hundreds of reasons to do it that way. But you have to be very careful how it's done. If it's going to be secret keep it 100% secret. Don't pick and choose who you invite, especially if you're going to tell some close friends/relatives and not others:o

Carer

Another one here who's been with partner over 20 years, 3 kids and no interest in marriage.

But like the OP, we really need to do something legally to safeguard both our futures and make things easier for the kids should anything happen to either/both of us.

We did get as far as getting the bans read 8 yrs ago when OH had a bad health scare, but we didn't go through with it.

We've been hoping they will make civil partnership a reality for co-habiting couples, the same as it is for gay couples, but it looks like it's a long way off.

I can't bear the thought of the whole fuss and ceremony stuff, so if we do decide to do it, we will do it alone and tell no-one, probably not even the kids.

Gloomendoom

Carer wrote: »

We've been hoping they will make civil partnership a reality for co-habiting couples, the same as it is for gay couples, but it looks like it's a long way off.

What is the difference between civil partnership and a wedding?

N123

I recently got married at Gretna, we didn't tell a soul. Had the best day wouldn't have done it any other way. To me it was a commitment to my partner not a party at great expense. I told my mother when we came back, she cried and hasn't spoken about it since. My sister hung up the phone. We had been together 9 years and had been engaged for 7, my mother didn't once ask our plans so I thought she didn't care and was surprised at her reaction. A lot of upset was caused and put a negative spin on the whole thing. I still wouldn't change it if I could turn back time as ultimately we did what we wanted and what was best for us.

lostinrates

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What is the difference between civil partnership and a wedding?

As far as i am concerned i wish they would call the civil agreement one thing for everyone, gay, straight ... But see little point in saying that it means nothing to us and because we don't like what its called we won't...that means it does mean something! Our married gay friends are married the same way we are in my mind but i can understand a separation for state and religious/spiritual organisations if needs be. I would have been content with civil partnership being the legal route for all, and wedding being somehting that happens in an organised religious sense.

The need for union is present. And it must be opt in not by default after a set number of years, because some people do not want union, (a whole different situation) Those not going through with it because it means nothing to them might feel different when seeing a partner on life support and they listen to the partners parents over you, and also in financial matters.

piglet74

i got married on the Q.T,...Well, very few knew, just both set of parents, brothers and sisters, and our daughter.

we flew out to NYC with 2 pals (another couple) got wed, then phone home to say it had all gone to plan, and ask my mum and daughter to post the invites out for the reception we were having 2 weeks after we come home.

it was fantastic and i would highly recommend it,

Carer

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What is the difference between civil partnership and a wedding?

A civil partnership is a private signing of papers. There is no public disclosure, no-one need ever know. It would just mean putting the relationship on a legal footing.

A marriage has to be announced "once a heterosexual couple gives notice of their intention to marry, their details, including names, occupations and addresses are made public, as the marriage register is a public document".

We would just like a legal agreement without any of the fuss and expectation (name changes, title changes) that marriage would bring.