Has anyone ever married and kept it secret?

VJsmum

We didn't have banns - because we had a special licence as we were marrying out of parish in a church that had been special to me in my childhood. Ours was fairly select, but some family didn't like that we didn't have an evening do.

My MIL had a £10 ticket to Australia in 1958. She was due to sail on Saturday, on the Monday she said to FIL "Either marry me by Friday or I will go. If I go, will you give me a lift to SOuthampton" they lived in Birmingham and were married on the Friday without telling anyone. They were married for 35 years till FIL died.

However my dad (who is actually my stepfather) has only just revealed that his parents didn't marry until he was in his 20's and did it cos their daughter was getting married and they felt she should be legitimate. His father was married and for whatever reason had to wait until the first wife died.

My mother always said that you should have the wedding you want - but then later told me how disappointed she would be if i went off to a beach and did it secretly.

luby-lu

A friend of mine did this, she is incredibly shy and had always said that she would go get married and then come home and announce it. The only negative reactions were; her father was upset that he hadn't had the opportunity to give her away, and her grandma said, "I hope she doesn't expect a present" lol!

Personally I think it's about the marriage and the commitment more than the wedding, so it's up to you and how you want to do it! I would love to be married but having a wedding (that will keep everyone else happy) puts me off.

barbarawright

I work in the same building as a register office and we quite often get asked to be witnesses at weddings (the registrars aren't allowed to do it). Often it's for non-Brits who presumably don't want to put their families to the expense of coming to Britain but recently it was for a very posh couple who were both over 80!

itzmee

DH and I got married in quiet at the local registry office. We only told a handful of people who we knew would keep our secret and weren't going to be around at the time anyway, and invited only our parents who were witnesses. I didn't want the fuss and pomp, and definitely didn't want to be gawped at by all and sundry! We had been together for 10 years and were doing it more for financial reasons than romantic ones It was a a lovely day and went exactly how I wanted it to. We announced it afterwards (on facebook) and while some people moaned at not being included everyone was pleased for us.

Ich_2

I've seen both, one couple of friends ended up with the huge family (mother) organised event, the fall-out from that is still going on.
Another couple went to Jamaica with a relatively small group of friends from various parts of the world. The only family member there was the grooms adult son who was bestman. It created some surprise back here when the majority of their friends found out via facebook

melanzana

If you don't want a big bling, so what?

Who is getting married anyhow, the bride and groom or the family and friends?

Believe me, the 180 guests, and the families will soon forget the day, and may also complain mightily about it too.

You cannot win, so do what YOU want. They will get over it, if they love you enough to know that's what you want.

If they don't get over it, why should you be worried about someone who is worried about your wedding?

A bit of anti control might be needed sometimes,

And if the truth be known, lots of invitees cannot afford to go to weddings these days, so they are relieved and happy out, knowing they wish the B+G all the best.

onlyroz

My dad never spoke to his sister again after he found out she had got married without telling him. He didn't like her very much anyway, but I think he reasoned that why should he bother with her anymore if she didn't consider him important enough to be invited to her wedding.

Gloomendoom

My first marriage was done in secret, so to speak. Registry office and two old ladies we had never met before as witnesses. £10 each IIRC.

My mother cried when we told her. She was very upset. In fact neither of our families were too impressed.

lostinrates

onlyroz wrote: »

My dad never spoke to his sister again after he found out she had got married without telling him. He didn't like her very much anyway, but I think he reasoned that why should he bother with her anymore if she didn't consider him important enough to be invited to her wedding.

Without telling him alone? That would be hurtful.

melanzana

onlyroz wrote: »

My dad never spoke to his sister again after he found out she had got married without telling him. He didn't like her very much anyway, but I think he reasoned that why should he bother with her anymore if she didn't consider him important enough to be invited to her wedding.

I think your auntie made the right decision.

She probably was aware of the fact that your father did not like her much anyway.

So why should she invite him, or inform him?

Are you trying to inflame things by any chance?