Has anyone ever married and kept it secret?

POPPYOSCAR

victory wrote: »

You mean kept it a secret from family and friends and rushed off to gretna green? No, surely you would want all your loved ones around you on your big day, it is one of the best days of your life after all, share the love not hide the love:D

Perhaps for some but not for all?

I find the whole idea of such a public display quite daunting.

minerva_windsong

Two of my aunties had secret (or secretish) weddings - one did it incredibly low-key, just her and my now-uncle, wearing jeans, on a random day, with the first two free friends as witnesses and then a trip to the pub afterwards to phone everyone and tell them the news. The other did something similar - I think the only differences were that they dressed up a bit and had a few more people, but then she and her husband have been together for 20 years and have two teenage daughters so I'm pretty sure theirs was more for the legal bit than anything else.

I have to admit that whilst I would love the low-key no-fuss wedding (although there's no way I would be allowed to have it), I can't imagine not telling anyone ever that we'd got married - I think I'm just too much of a blabbermouth!

That said though if you don't want a big wedding you don't have to have one - it can be as big or as small as you like, right down to the lunch break quickie wedding I described above.

fluffnutter

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Well perhaps either? Maybe getting married without telling anyone(and just for fluffnutter - telling the registrar and the two witnesses etc. only)

And then possibly keeping it from everyone else and it only coming out on your death?

I don't think the latter is realistic. How would you be able to keep your marital status a secret for your whole life? What about the (admittedly rare) occasions you're asked this? I don't know.. in a census or something. Would you lie?

And forget officialdom. What about just day to day? What if you had kids? Would you tell them?

I just don't know why you'd want to keep your marital status a secret. I'm failing to see how that could ever benefit you.

I can completely understand doing a bunk and getting married without telling friends and family if there's some reason why you wouldn't want them there. But to then keep it secret, from everyone, for the rest of your life...? Odd.

fluffnutter

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Perhaps for some but not for all?

I find the whole idea of such a public display quite daunting.

A very sensible response. Unless you're an ego-maniacal bridezilla with fantasies of 'your special day' since the age of six, I fail to see why any woman wouldn't find being on show a bit daunting.

The look on your loved ones' faces though when you do marry, and the realisation that they're absolutely over the moon that you're so happy is worth the scrutiny though, IME.

Brighton_belle

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

=
I find the whole idea of such a public display quite daunting.

This is enirely understandable and would explain a secret wedding. But that is very different to then never telling anyone afterwards - that would have a completely different motivating factor. I can only think of 2 reasons to do this (and there may of course be more)
1) to avoid recriminations from realtives who would have taken over the wedding in a hideous way, as experienced by another poster
2) if you associated marriage with the historical repression of women and didn't want to be associated with that, but recognised that it was the simplest and quickest way to be next of kin etc

Mojisola

fluffnutter wrote: »

I don't think the latter is realistic. How would you be able to keep your marital status a secret for your whole life? What about the (admittedly rare) occasions you're asked this? I don't know.. in a census or something. Would you lie?

Things like census forms are usually filled in privately. Are there any public occasions where you might be asked outright?

It has certainly been done the other way round. A girl at work was going to organise a 25th wedding anniversary for her parents until her Mum told her that they'd only told people they were married when she got pregnant - they had only actually been married for about 10 years. They'd eventually done it secretly for the legal side of things.

peachyprice

supergran2007 wrote: »

Hi OP,
Well, it depends how secret you mean, but yes, 'Mr supergran & myself didn't tell anybody, basically as we were very young, and both our families were dead set against it,(we married 6 days after OH's 18th birthday so that we didn't need permission!).
We married in a small registry office, with a couiple of relative strangers as witnesses.

Are you my Mum, cos that's what they did too :rotfl::rotfl:

NickyBat

Yes, friends of ours have been married 10 years but everyone thinks they just live together.

Bangton

I don't know anyone that has but I understand your feelings .. I despise the thought of being the centre of attention at my wedding...that's why I haven't yet had a wedding!! I love my partner more than the world and would happily commit to him but I just can't get into the idea of having a big old showy wedding...and spending a bomb doing it.

I'd sneak of somewhere but then I'd feel guilty to my family as I'm sure they would wonder why I had chosen not to involve them. My family are ace and I adore them but at the same time for me, there is something very intimate about the vows I would give to my partner and the way I feel about him. Something I actually feel a bit shy about...if that makes any sense.

So basically I'd love to sneak off and not tell anyone close to me that I'm married so as not to offend but I think the easiest thing for me is to stay as we are

POPPYOSCAR

Brighton_belle wrote: »

This is enirely understandable and would explain a secret wedding. But that is very different to then never telling anyone afterwards - that would have a completely different motivating factor. I can only think of 2 reasons to do this (and there may of course be more)
1) to avoid recriminations from realtives who would have taken over the wedding in a hideous way, as experienced by another poster
2) if you associated marriage with the historical repression of women and didn't want to be associated with that, but recognised that it was the simplest and quickest way to be next of kin etc

Something of the above but not quite.

It is quite complicated, but basically we need to get married for financial reasons only(to safeguard the financial security of each other) we have been together for over 25 years and have children.

We have discussed getting married with family and it has thrown up all sorts of problems.

My OH has suggested that it would be easier to just get married, I can see this in itself creating all sorts of problems, so he has said we could do it and they would be non the wiser until we both die. Just not sure if I can do it.

I only wish I could get married on line - we seem to be able to do most other things that way now!!!!!