Has anyone ever married and kept it secret?

Tygermoth

^ wot Bangton said.

My mother/grandmother would be dire. Truly dire.

The first time they met my partner they pinned in in a corner at a family 'do' told him in great detail what plans they had for 'the wedding'...... poor bloke was petrified.

So we would just do it alone, on a beach somewhere. saves the drama.

Would only mention it if it was brought up...

Grandma "when is that man of yours gonna make a honest woman of you and marry ya?"
Me, casualy. "He did Grandma, a few years ago now"

Bangton

Tygermoth wrote: »

^ wot Bangton said.

My mother/grandmother would be dire. Truly dire.

The first time they met my partner they pinned in in a corner at a family 'do' told him in great detail what plans they had for 'the wedding'...... poor bloke was petrified.

So we would just do it alone, on a beach somewhere. saves the drama.

Would only mention it if it was brought up...

Grandma "when is that man of yours gonna make a honest woman of you and marry ya?"
Me, casualy. "He did Grandma, a few years ago now"

:rotfl:What a fine idea!!!!!!!!!

supergran2007

peachyprice wrote: »

Are you my Mum, cos that's what they did too :rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl:
:):):)
Great minds think alike!!
All i can say is we have never regretted marrying the way we did.
OH used to worry that I may feel I'd missed out, but like previously mentioned, I would hate all the fuss ( & would probably have run a mile in the other direction!!!)

jess1974

Me and hubby married in a registry office without telling anyone, we had our 3 children with us and asked 2 strangers shopping on the high street to be our witnesses, for me this was my 2nd marriage and i just did'nt want the fuss, hassle or expense of a big do, i just wanted to be married to him.
Some family members were'nt impressed but i think we have been forgiven now....

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Something of the above but not quite.

It is quite complicated, but basically we need to get married for financial reasons only(to safeguard the financial security of each other) we have been together for over 25 years and have children.

We have discussed getting married with family and it has thrown up all sorts of problems.

My OH has suggested that it would be easier to just get married, I can see this in itself creating all sorts of problems, so he has said we could do it and they would be non the wiser until we both die. Just not sure if I can do it.

I only wish I could get married on line - we seem to be able to do most other things that way now!!!!!

Our family knew we wanted to get married. They were 'helping' us plan a wedding that was growing, could not be on the date or even in th eyear we wantsd to fit in with everyone. When we decided to go ehead alone we knew they would be a lottle hurt but also i know my dad was relieved ...the bills were getting larger and larger.

We instead shared a meal with the witnesses and my parents afterwards on the day, and latyer with dh's dad. We had lots of little celebrations with different groups of friends.

Dh still sniggers when he remembers that his finals started the next day. His gorup of chums were gathering outside th exam hall and were telling big fish stories about revision times, or lack of them. Noticing he was quiet someone asked him what he had done the day befor. 'oh, not much, just a couple of hours, becUse i got married so didn't have much time' his friends jaws dropped, the doors opened and they all went in, lol.

My point is, you can do it then share it in a low key way. Its not going to be a shock to anyone if you have discussed it a little. Its not going to change your day to do lives in a way obvious to the outside world.

If i had kids i would tell them, and take them and share it with them. There need be know walk down the isle or bog thing, some registry offices have smallish rooms, it doesn't feel awful.

Dh and our witnesses wore jeans and vintage velvet jackets, i wore a dress i already owned, with some new to me shoes (second hand jimmy choos) and we had a fish finger snadwich in a cafe before going in, and then the nice lunch somewhere sort of posh with my parents afterwards.

You don't get many gifts this way. My sister gave us somehting small but beautiful, my godmother a beautiful blue blanket, and a cousin of dh's a set of art jouse dvds.....bizarre but kind! More than we expected or deserved and welcome but unnecessary. Necessary was for us financial and legal stuff was inplace. Dh had acted as my nok while i was ill and my solicitor told us on my getting some faculties back it would be better to make it more binding if that was our wish, and we knew it might be necessary sooner rather than later. It doesn't sound terribly romantic, but it was, it is. We love each other so much. No big shindig changes that.

We did say we would have a housewarming party when we bought a house, but we bought a wreck, so instead we thogut a ten year wedding anniversary party instead of a wedding reception...but now i prefer the idea of a fifteenth.......celebrating things quitely becomes very addictive and meaningful. And its how we feel our relationship is. Today everything is public and loud and pround, but quiet doesn't mean ashamed, it can mean private, initmate, meaningful ....

If i had kids i would probably have wanted them there, then a meal with them afterwards.:D.

debtfreenow

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Well perhaps either? Maybe getting married without telling anyone(and just for fluffnutter - telling the registrar and the two witnesses etc. only)

And then possibly keeping it from everyone else and it only coming out on your death?

It is possible to get married very very quietly. Many years ago a boyfriend of mine was asked if he and his girlfriend (ie myself) would be witnesses to a marriage. It was a register office ceremony and I found the whole proceedings a bit "sad", but duly agreed to accompany my (then) boyfriend and attend. So I clambered into a nice dress outfit for the ceremony and then changed back into "casuals" and went back to work for the rest of the day. Each to their own......

I imagine the circumstances are ones where relatives would come in and argue if they knew a wedding had taken place, but the OP's friend/relative wants to have a wedding to ensure that the legal bond is there and any naysayers can't have the chance to nip in and "stir things up".

If that is what the circumstances are, then that is what the circumstances are. It's a shame it has to be secret, but if "needs must" then that's the way it has to be and the couple concerned have "covered" themselves that they have the legal rights involved in being each others "next of kin".

Whoever this couple are, I wish them well and sympathise with them that they don't feel they can do this openly and share joyously with the family/community at large.

Who are we to judge? From what I have seen, it's perfectly possible to have a secret marriage (as long as it's registry office or similar - so that there's no question of "publishing bans" that someone ill-intentioned could end up reading).

sweaty_betty

We decided to get married, but wanted to avoid the stress of a big "wedding day". So we had a very quick legal formality at the local registry office with just our parents - we didn't tell anyone else we were doing it. Then 5 months later we hired a couple of rooms at a hotel and did a blessing-type affair with friends and other family. It took all the stress out of it and was much cheaper

Brighton_belle

Sounds wonderful lostinrates, truely beautiful and romantic. We had a slightly larger wedding with 35 guests, but very low key and simple. The two of us had pasties for lunch, walked hand in hand down back allies of crumbling Georgian walls in autumn sunshine to venue.Ceremony done in 15mins, afternoon tea and cakes made by friends for 2hrs then we walked away again hand in hand.
OP, I wish you well with your decision. It is sad when others make life complicated, especially as you have been together 25 yrs, it would seem entirely natural to hav a low key wedding just tying up your mutual protection. I do know anumber of people in long term relationships who just had a quick ceremony in front of witnesses and told others after.

Brighton_belle

debtfreenow wrote: »

Whoever this couple are, I wish them well and sympathise with them that they don't feel they can do this openly and share joyously with the family/community at large.

(as long as it's registry office or similar - so that there's no question of "publishing bans" that someone ill-intentioned could end up reading).

I understoofd it to be the OP
"Bans" are still published for a registry wedding - legal obligation to give chance for some to object if they know of any lawful impediment etc. Posted up outside the townhall I think. I doubt anyone looks at the much.

yvonne13_2

fluffnutter wrote: »

Marriage is a publicly-demonstrated commitment. That's an important part of the ceremony. It's why if you marry in church, you can't make it a closed event. Technically anyone can attend (although you'd have struggled to get into Westminster Abbey when William married Kate Middleclass ).

The OP never said anything about getting married in a church it could be a Mosque or a Synagogue hence more than likely be able to keep it a secret, more so if they do it abroad.