Separation = Secrets, lying and spying

FizzledOut

After my hissy last night I'm going the "dignified silence" route. I'm just so embarrassed that I put myself in this position. Thing is, I do still love him. He's been my best pal for 27 years. He's never (to my knowledge) done anything like this before. I did say to him, after Relate, in a perfect world he could move out for 3 - 4 months, get some perspective, decide if "single life" is what he wants (hostile telephone conversation with the "other woman" last night who tells me she's trying to make a go of her marriage despite the messages I saw between my husband and her, and the constant texts and phone calls). Quite honestly, I don't recognise the guy I've lived with for the last 6-7 months as being the same guy a year ago.
Enough. I'm going to have a day without thinking about all this poo, go to the pics with my son (if he comes home!) and enjoy my day off work. Thanks for the advice.

Mrs.W_2

Wishing you a happier day from this moment on!

victory

FizzledOut wrote: »

After my hissy last night I'm going the "dignified silence" route. I'm just so embarrassed that I put myself in this position. Thing is, I do still love him. He's been my best pal for 27 years. He's never (to my knowledge) done anything like this before. I did say to him, after Relate, in a perfect world he could move out for 3 - 4 months, get some perspective, decide if "single life" is what he wants (hostile telephone conversation with the "other woman" last night who tells me she's trying to make a go of her marriage despite the messages I saw between my husband and her, and the constant texts and phone calls). Quite honestly, I don't recognise the guy I've lived with for the last 6-7 months as being the same guy a year ago.
Enough. I'm going to have a day without thinking about all this poo, go to the pics with my son (if he comes home!) and enjoy my day off work. Thanks for the advice.

I hope you have a really great day:D

RacyRed

Hun, enjoy your B'day and damn the lot of them.

New start. New adventures. Clean him out of the house now and out of your life as fast as you can. Don't take any BS from your son either, tell him straight that his father has behaved badly towards you and you are not going to accept it. No need to say more, give him time to think it through for himself. I'll bet he needs his own light bulb moment and it will come.

So, what have you always wanted to do but never have because you have been a faithful wife and loving mother? Time to dust off one or two long forgotten dreams? It is amazing how just having the tiny seed of hope in the back of your mind can help you through the most difficult of times. You are probably more upset now than you have ever been in your life, you have rough times and a period of grief ahead of you, but allow yourself to retreat during the worst times to that place in your mind where the spark of a new life is.

(((Hugs)))

FatVonD

Does her husband know? If he doesn't I'd be thinking about pushing their hand by letting him know. Having someone at the other end who knows what's going on might curtail their fun or it may end her marriage in which case your DH may well move in with her or find somewhere with her so he'll be out of your house. Either way you're not having to share a house with him while he conducts an affair which would be a horrible situation to be in.

What percentage of the original price of your house did you pay for in cash? Can you assume that percentage of the current value is yours outright and then split the rest 50/50 then remortgage to buy him out for that amount?

atrixblue.-MFR-.

dont contact or be allowed to be contacted by the "other woman" she's only trying to tame the situation and blame the split on your husband and you rather than feel guilty about being apart of your marriage split.

important thing here is to try and not sslip into a recluse sort of state and dwell on how much you may need him but to take things with you head held high and think of how liberated you will feel when the stress pressure and unanswered questions fizzle out and do not matter anymore.

happy BD again enjoy your day.

concerntrate on you and your son, you may wish to explain to him that nothing is his fault eventhough he may know whats gone on he may still think he is somewhat to blame in his own little way.

mrcow

So does her husband know?

Honestly, if I was in that position, I'd tell him. With a bit of luck, he'd be the type to punch your husband on the nose. It will save you the hassle.

Don't beat yourself up about losing the plot last night. It was the right thing to do. He is taking the mickey out of you every which way he can. In 12 months, you're going to look back at how you're letting him treat you and you're going to be so annoyed with yourself.

You say that you still love him - that's fine, but it's no excuse for letting someone use you as their foot scraper. Trust me, the needy, pleading, take-all-the-time-you-need stance really isn't an attractive prospect for any man. He needs to go. And you need to have your friends around you.

FizzledOut

mrcow wrote: »

So does her husband know?
Don't beat yourself up about losing the plot last night. It was the right thing to do.

Oh, I lost the plot good and proper. When I called my husband to say I'd found the phone bills, I tried her line - engaged, obviously him on to her saying "don't answer it"! As he was loading the stuff I threw out the door into the car I called her husband. And told him - I've got messages (her to me acknowledging their intent to meet up and how she had "crossed the line" and saying how my husband had been a shoulder to cry on as she was separated) and phone bills (pages of 'em) as proof, contact me if he wants them. Then I called her home number - she spent ten minutes laughing at me (seriously) as I told her everything I knew about the situation. I'm emotional, I'm heartbroken, she laughs. She flat out denied having any interest in my husband, said I was delusional - I replied, 15 - 20 messages a day from him to her, he's the delusional one. She told me I was insane, she was home with her husband and kids and had no idea what I was talking about. Except! I called his 78y old Mum today to say thanks for the birthday card and why the heck hadn't she been in touch with me to ask how I was (27 years I've been in the family). She said her darling son had told her about this other woman, how she was in this awful relationship and there were photos of when her husband knocked her around.

Enough, enough, enough. I hate that I've become a banshee. I'm better than this, I deserve better than this. They deserve each other and I hope her husband throws a better punch than I could.

FatVonD - thanks for that suggestion. Left a message for the solicitor today, talking tomorrow.

*Louise*

Yikes. What a situation.

That must have hurt knowing his mum would avoid you so quickly after all those years

If you hate being a banshee, then you really need to stop. Calm and dignified is the only way he will ever regret what he has done to you (at which point you can tell him to get stuffed because you will be over him) You are the wronged party but if you lose control you will find people start to take the opposite side.

After all this..would you really still want him back? Even knowing he would rather be with another woman? It doesn't sound like she is keen to run off into the sunset with him, he could soon realise his little fantasy has collapsed. But it's 'okay' for him - he knows you still love him and will forgive him and want to make it work. Are you really going to make it that easy for him to worm his way back in?

I would be out there having some 'single' fun of my own.....maybe even find yourself someone you can text frequently.....make the most of it and let him see what he is missing!

atrixblue.-MFR-.

yes the play it down game infront of husband etc etc to make you out a delusional imaginatave poisenois person she wants to make you out to be.

she's already planning in her mind what to tell her husband turn him against you, and keep him away from you to protect herself and her secret.

sorry but if i knew where they lived i would photo copy every single phone bill copy all messages off his face book put them in the envelope and send the proof to him so enforce your not the dulusional one. theres a simple way to copy messages off facebook pm me if you wish to know how.

again its easy to beet yourself up over whats been said get very angry (wich they would want).

have your bit of revenge, then slip into the background and carry on your life.

she can laugh at you but youll have the last laugh.

chin up and keep posetive, i have a saying that i use to calm myself in situations and thats "dont fight angry, fight calmly,stay one step ahead,dont loose your head".